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The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... The Rest of Season One

*Originally Posted May, 2007*

Hello all! I hope that all of you have enjoyed the previous Galaxy Dollars blog dealios... but I thought it was time to finally wrap up this purticular Galaxy Dollars Coffee saga... So here we stand at the last chapter in the "Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team" blog dealio. But don't fret, be sad... or anything else that involves not... happiness. For there will be more Galaxy Dollar blogs in the future to lift your chin, your spirits and... your car? But until then enjoy, "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... The Rest of Season One".

We were one game in, and it was already a long season... With the smashing defeat of our first game so fresh on our minds all we could do was make excuses about how they won. Ranging from rumors that they cheated to... they won because they had jerseys. The rumors of no sense started to pile up, and I guess no one stopped to think for a moment that we were why we lost! Yes us, with our bad playing skills, blue shin guards, and balding player. But deep down, I had a feeling that we all knew the truth... we just didn't want to say it. With the seasons start practices ceased, and it was now up to each individual to better his or her self on the field... right. The outcomes of the next three games we played were no different from the first, what with the: moderate to horrible losses, lack of deodorant usage, and wearing white t-shirts because we still had no real jerseys.

We knew something had to change... and it did. Our jerseys came in! It was true, I received a call from Singing Soccer Face telling me of the good news that our white jerseys had come in. Unfortunately, that news was proceeded with the news that the sizes of the jerseys were wrong and they would be as tight as a... tight piece of clothing. And indeed they were... We tried to get the company that sent us the wrong sizes to fix their problem, but they said it would take a little time before they were able to get the new sizes to us. Nevertheless, we the players of the team, thought that the jerseys would help us of the field. So, for the next four games we played with the uncomfortably tight jerseys... which was fine for the girls of the team...*ahem*... because most women wear their shirts tight anyway. But for the guys... well, it felt like we were... not straight. (not that there's anything wrong with that)

As you may have figured out by now we lost all of the aforementioned games. For the players of the team it was beginning to be a painful thing to go to soccer night. Mostly because it always had the same outcome... Show up pumped, start the game... leave with another loss. We were now 0-8, and the hope that burned bright at the beginning of the season was about gone. Every time we would step foot on the field the other team knew they were walking out with a victory... The problem was... we didn't know, and that's what hurt. Then it happened... The break we had been waiting for! The balding player started to grow hair! j/k... Our new, new jerseys came in! These, were the right sizes! And what's even better is the fact that they were jet black! Now things would be different, because we were no longer the "Tight jerseyed angelic Galaxy Dollars soccer team"...no, we were now the "Black jerseyed Galaxy Dollars soccer team of death"! The first game we played with the new jerseys we won... and not just won, but, really won. 14 to 2 to be exact. But alas, it t'was a fluke... for we didn't win another game for the remainder of the season, we did manage to tie the next game, but that was pretty much it. We ended our season 1-12-1... but we learned so many life lessons that it was all worth it... (a star with a rainbow trail flashes past and reads, "The More You Know")...*darn NBC*

Well, that is the end of season one. Perhaps there will be a season two, but the way we played maybe not. Anyways, thanks for reading..."The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team" blog dealio, check back semi soon for new Galaxy Dollars blog updates!

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An Irish Punk Band + 6 Guys =

*Originally Posted April, 2007"

A Flogging Molly concert of course! That's right this the tale of the great Flogging Molly trip as told by... well, me. So what should you do now? Well, if I were you I'd punch somebody smaller then you, grab a copy of The Departed, chug a glass of cranberry juice... and read, "An Irish Punk Band + 6 guys ="! So let get to it then!

It all started on a Thursday afternoon... I had just gotten off of my job at Starbucks, I jumped in my car and headed to the meeting spot we had designated at an earlier time. The spot happened to be the parking lot of the church my brother is custodian of. He wasn't quite done with his work by the time I pulled into the parking lot, so I waited. It's here the story truly begins! As I waited the others started to arrive... from the Gehling boys and Josh Langer, to Jay Prock and at last my brother. We were now ready to embark on the journey. We packed all of our things in the back of Jay's SUV, and piled in. We pulled out of the parking lot, and at long last we were under way to Tulsa for the Flogging Molly concert! The trip there was fun, but somewhat uneventful...*so I'm going to skip to where we arrive in Tulsa* At last we arrived in Tulsa. The plan had been to eat at Kilkenny's Irish Pub before the show, so we did... and it was good. That is all. We left Kilkenny's full of... food, and drink... and it was now time to arrive at the concert.

We arrived at the concert with plenty of time to spare. We found a good parking space, got out of the vehicle, and walked towards the pavilion. It was here we found out that maybe we didn't belong at this concert. As we walked by, we noticed hundreds and hundreds of people dressed in gothic green and black clothing. Many of which looked high, drunk or just plain ugly from being in a countless number of fights. Now there would be nothing wrong with the above statement, if we too were... dressed in gothic green and black clothing, were high, drunk, or had been in a fight. But the problem was hadn't been in, or had on any of the above... so it was awkward. As such, as we walked to the end of the waiting line we noticed dozens of faces looking at us with the, "what the h*ll are they doing here?" look. (and of course the "*" in the previous sentence was an "i") But we didn't sway from the straight and narrow... or umm, line... and held our own.

Finally they let us in. The first of three opening bands appeared on stage... the name of which was, "The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band". The moment they started to play we knew two things, One: It was going to be a long night if all the opening bands sucked this bad, and Two: We were not going to be able to hear by the end of the night. Something else we noticed was once the music started everyone seemed to come together, and not care what you looked like, or what you were wearing. Well, it was indeed a long wait for Flogging Molly. With the opening bands ranging from crap, to pretty ok; we waited not so patiently for Flogging Molly to come to the stage. Finally they did. It was great! Not only was the music good, but the people who were there were entertaining too. You see, this Irish guy in front of us (who was inebriated) would keep turning around and ask, "Are you Irish?" to which you answer, "yes." To which he would reply, "God bless you!" then give you a hug... This happened quite a few times until my good friend Josh Langer turned the tables on him.We saw him coming back for another round of "Are you Irish?" when Josh grabbed him and said, "Are you Irish?" to which he replied, "Yep, don't let the black hair fool ya"... Classic!

Finally the concert ended and we headed to our lodging for the evening. We woke up the next morning only to discover we still couldn't hear... oh, and we were hungry. We packed up all our stuff and looked for a place to eat. We came upon a doughnut shop and decided to get some... doughnuts. We walked inside only to hear the old lady running it say, "Oh, Shit" about us coming in. As we tried to order she would bark orders and make demands that were not hers to make. At one point even grabbing the hand of one of the Gehling boys as she gave him his change. Of course it wouldn't be a complete trip unless I came up with a smart ass comment for her. So, as my brother received a text message from his girlfriend the old lady said briskly, "What's that noise?! Is that a cell phone?!" To which I replied, " Ya it is, I mean that's okay right? I mean I didn't see a "No Cell Phones Allowed" sign as we came in!" She had no response. I had won... that round. We left the "doughnut shop of doom" and headed home. The trip back was fun, but somewhat uneventful...*So, I'm going to skip to OKC*... finally we arrived back in good ol' OKC... the end.

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The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... The First Game

*Originally Posted April, 2007*


Hello again everyone, and welcome to the, "Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team" blog dealio! Now before we move on, I will quickly recap...The peoples of Galaxy Dollars Coffee decided to start a soccer team. We signed up in a beginners league, that for all we knew was comprised of little kids. We began our soccer training only to find out we stank the joint up... bad. We practiced more only to find that one of our players was going bald...(not sure what that has to do with the story, but it's true.) and that we liked to drink water as much as chai... So now, we will turn another page in the story that's captivating the world---umm... a nation---... a city---hmm... a store? Ahh! The story that's captivating... various friends and strangers! So now we dive in to..."The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... The First Game"


We had practiced, we had swat... sweated, whatever. We had even gotten a little bit better. But now was the moment of truth... the first game was here! All of us showed up to the arena ridiculously early to put on their "gear" (i.e. shin-guards, soccer shoes etc.). As for me, I got there early as well, and it turns out it was a good thing too... for as I noticed everyone putting on their "gear", I also noticed that I didn't have "gear" to put on... In fact I looked like a soccer reject. Fortunately for me there was a "soccer pro shop" in which I could buy the things I needed in which to not die on the field. I walked in the door of the pro shop and just stood there... like... well, ...a standing guy. Now, I'd like to tell you that I was soaking up all that soccer "karma" of awesome soccer players past and forgotten, but that would be a lie, so I won't. No the sad truth was, I was standing there in the doorway of the pro shop and two things were on my mind... One: "Should I get the red or the blue shin guards?" and Two: These shorts don't have pockets... so, where is my wallet?" Shortly there after I looked down and thought to myself "blue is more manly-er, I'll go with blue."...and remembered that I had stuck my wallet between my shorts and underpants at the waist just for such an occasion... so all was well.

I bought all the gear I needed, put it on, and paced back and forth in front of my teammates to pretend I was ready. The time was finally here... they called us to the field. Once we got there we quickly realized a differences in teams. For one, they weren't kids... for two, they had jerseys... we had white t-shirts. (But at least that was due to the fact that ours just hadn't come in yet...) For three, they were actually passing the ball to one another... we were not. We were like... hey, it's coming to you! We'd kick it, and it would go the opposite way... and we were like, umm... I did that on purpose. It was a fake out, great for those moments you want to... umm, fake out your opponent... and your teammate.

The game started. As the game progressed we realized more differences between the teams... like their players... they actually knew where to be on the field. As for us, we were like a fluttering butterfly floating all over the field, because we didn't know what the crap we were doing... another thing we noticed was when they would shoot, for one we dove out of the way, but for two their shots were good, hard hit, and... well, really good. Ours? Ya, maybe would trickle an inch or two on the ground while a snail scurried out of the way. After the massacre was over we realized one more thing... I forgot to wear deodorant! j/k... we realized that one player on their team single handedly beat the ever living doughnuts out of us (that is if doughnuts were inside of us, and somehow a living entity). His name I will remember for at least days to come... Renaldo. A short stocky bald man of soccer awesomeness is what he was. Scoring 10 of their 14 points... one might say he was a bit like the Michael Jordan of soccer... that, or we were like the Toronto Raptors of soccer (to all those who don't know, they suck... bad.). No one could tell for sure... but what we could tell for sure was this was going to be a long season...

Check back next time to see if the Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team wins a game, the balding player regains his hair, and if Ben really didn't wear deodorant to the game... these answers and more... next time on, "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team" blog dealio!

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Bye Bye Birdie: From Training to Casting... And Everything in Between

Why hello to everyone out there in the wonderful world of the web! I know you all were just losing sleep over the fact that you wanted to read another Ben blog and there was no new materiel in which to indulge ones self...so you reached for your iPods and remote controls... but at long last the blog is here, so you can relax and read...stuff. Let's dive in.


The Training

Alright, to correctly tell this story, you must first know a couple of things that make it more interesting... Like what you ask? Like the fact that I really hadn't sang "Broadway" type songs in over a year, like the fact that this was my first audition in over a year... And if I got cast, it would be the first show I've been in since Brighton Beach Memoirs with City Rep in 2005... So, with that in mind I prepared. I sat in my car listening to "Eye of the Tiger"... then realized that this was not going to get my singing voice back in shape... so I took it out, and put on some old lame voice rehearsal tapes that I had found collecting dust, and starting singing along with it (if you could call what I was doing singing). I'm not going to lie, I pretty much sucked at first... sounding more a dying baby lion then a young man. But I was eager to improve, and with time I did. After a hard day of training my voice I would eat some ice cream... put some whip cream on there and consume it all! I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but ya. So, really with all the practicing I had been doing there was but one thing to do... wait for auditions.


The Audition

The morning of auditions come fast... I walked inside and soon I found myself surrounded with familiar places, and nervous but smiling faces... and quickly remembered why I loved acting so much. I filled out the paperwork and was whisked away into the theatre to learn the dance. One thing I had not practiced was dancing... the reasons for this being... A: I fill like a big, tall, thin dork when I dance Broadway stuff in front of people... and B: I didn't really have much to learn from... So, when I saw the dance we had to do I went right to work! I stepped to the left, I stepped to the right... something was wrong. Yes, that was it... I cared what people thought of how I looked... So, I threw that aside and went for the gusto! And it worked! In no time I was dealing fifties moves like there was no tomorrow. I finished learning the dance, got my things, and moved to door number two. In door number two I learned the dance really fast... and... waited! Which is of course my all time favorite thing to do at auditions. Finally I went in to the audition for the Director. I aced the dance and my song, boo ya! He walked over to several sheets of paper and picked a half dozen, and walks up to me. He says, "I want you to come back to call backs for Albert and Birdie. Learn these monologues and songs by the date of call backs." Well, after great news like that there is only one thing to do... go to work. And of course prepare for call backs.


The Call Backs

Call backs came as quickly as auditions did, and I felt ready to be... the person I was supposed to be... or whatever. I got there when they asked me to and waited... and waited... and waited. Two hours, three jugs of water, and a trip to the bathroom later I was called to do what I do best... be a ham. I went back there and gave it my best shot for both roles, and I felt confident too. I left call backs that night doing the only I could now do... wait. The next day while I was at work I received a message from the Director asking me to please call him back. So while I was on my lunch break I called him back. I got his voicemail... that did it. My appetite left... I had to know why he called. I ended my meal and headed back to my place of employment. My phone rings... I reach franticly for it, it's the Director. I answer, we make small talk... then he offers me the role of Conrad Birdie! To which I naturally graciously accepted! The end. btw the show will run the end of July through the beginning of August... I will give more details when the show gets closer.

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The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (2 of 2)

*Originally Posted March, 2007*


Well hello to all! At last it's true... After the long, tearful, and (for some) beard growing wait. "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (2 of 2)" is finally here! For you... the peoples... to read... Commercial interruption!!!!


...Or listen to on our brand new 2 audio cassette tapes gift pack! Tell'em Rob! That's right, available for a limited time only these tapes of Galaxy Dollar mastery can be yours for the low introductory price of... 3 easy payments of $29.99!!! Want yours today?! Call 1-800-4-IM-A-SAP, and have your credit cards ready! Thanks Rob, and don't forget our tagline folks!, "You too can astonish your friends and family with useless Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team information!"...so buy three today!... Now back to your regularly scheduled blogging...


...*ahem*... like I was saying it is finally here for you... the peoples... to read... and stuff. So! With that being said... Put on your favorite pair of pants, use the bathroom, and pick up that half eaten bag of Cheetos sitting on the floor next to you... and read, "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (2 of 2)"!


FUN AND (MAYBE) USEFUL INFORMATION:

One last thing before you dig into that bag of Cheetos—I mean the blog... As a little extra fun, I had enough forethought in writing these that in either this, or the last installment of the "Meet the Players" blog dealios I wrote a character in "third person" that is really me. So, see if you can guess which character is actually me, and how I played soccer! (remember it can be in this blog, or part one) If you think you know which one is me, put your guess in your blog comment, or I suppose you can message me. And I will let you know if your are right of not.




The Pillsbury Soccer Girl

Alright, so for the second part of this blog dealio I thought we'd start off with, The Pillsbury Soccer Girl. Why do I call her this you may wonder? Well, the reason is, is that every time she kicks the soccer ball, or someone pokes her she goes, hee-hee! And all though I know the Pillsbury dough boy goes, "hoo-hoo!" and not "hee-hee" I don't really care. She does share other similarities with the dough boy as well... Now I don't know if you've ever noticed, but the dough boy frolics... And she, like the dough boy, seems to frolic from place to place. It's not that she's that graceful, but there's just no other way to put it...i t's a frolic. So, between the, "hee-hees!", and the frolicking the other team sometimes just looks at her instead of guarding her... This in turn gives The Pillsbury Soccer Girl the opportunity she needs to score a goal... or miss (which is more actuate). well, sometimes it works... But even if she does miss, she just frolics her Pillsbury Soccer self right on down the field until the next time she gets to try and score, and shout, "hee-hee!"


I Think I'm Good Face

Ok, now we come to the one I like to call, I Think I'm Good Face. Why shell we call him this? Well, it's because in his mind he is God's gift to us on the soccer field. In reality... he's not even close. In fact, if you're going to compare him with a gift I'd be more likely to compare him with crap... Ahh, yes... the gift of crap. It's on everyone's list! Actually, I would say that his talent level rivals that of a... rabbit. Yes, a soccer playing rabbit. He's all over the place, legs hopping everywhere... kicking at everything... shooting from our own goal box... telling his teammates, "how hot the other team's women are"...*ahem*. But, yes, that's it. That's all he does... in fact here's a little stat for all of you to feast upon... He has never once: scored a goal, passed the ball, or gotten a date with an opposing teams girl... see what I mean? I Think I'm Good Face... I mean even George Costanza even got a date from time to time...*shakes head in shame*


The Blond Guy That's Not That Good

Alright next we come to The Blond Guy That's Not That Good... So why would I name him The Blond Guy That's Not That Good? Well, as his name would suggest, he's blond, and not that good... hints the name The Blond Guy That's Not That Good. The fact is, it is very frustrating to play with him because sometimes I think you could lay a piece of crap of the ground in his place and no one would notice that he's not the piece of crap... You see, it's the same routine every time... he gets there all energized and goes through the motions of thinking he's really getting pumped up (I swear he does this to Weird Al's "White and Nerdy"), he gets mentally ready to beat the other team... then stands on the field like... well... a piece of poop. The sadder thing is, is that at the end of the game he really thinks he contributed to the team in some measurable way, when in reality the game had ended 30 minutes ago, and he's just waking up from his state of comatose. "Let's get pizza! Any one up for some pizza?"...umm, no The Blond Guy That's Not That Good, we're all going home... we're tired, we actually played hard. I have nothing else to say on this matter... PS: He's dopey looking, really.


The Iron Horsett

Here we come to The Iron Horsett. So why do I call her this? Well, because I thought "The Italian Stallionett" was a bit cheesy... Besides I think this has a good ring to it. She, like The Italian Stallion, knows how to handle herself (on and off the field) Off the field, she is most of the time an awesome person to be around, but on the field she's like a train on a mission to get to it's destination... In this case the destination is the ball. If you have her "destination" I do heavily advise you to get out of harms way (because Harm's a nice guy, so cut him a break...j/k)...But really, I do advise getting out of her path! Only if you value your life though... if you don't you're fine. The fact is, she is quite serious about getting the ball... maybe too serious. Not one to back down from a fight of any kind, The Iron Horsett will get that ball away from you anyway she can... whether that means knocking you unconscious, impairing your senses permanently... or even if it means black-mailing your mom (you hear a hush in the background)... so don't mess with her.


Defense Girl

Ok, next we come to Defense Girl, as her name might suggest she likes to play defense... maybe too much. How much is to much you may be asking? Well, when you're subbed in on offense and your team has the ball... and she starts yelling, "Someone get on offense! I don't want to be on offense! Here, switch me! Be on offense!" I think there might be a problem. It's not that she's bad...i n fact she's quite good at defense, but this might be taking it a little far. I mean I like to be where I'm going to play the best I can too... it's just a little funny sometimes how serious she takes it. (I mean after a loss one time I swear I saw her tare into the ref for a call he made in the first half, while blinking!...j/k) What is even funnier is when she's not in the game...(I'm not being mean... Just read on...) She'll stand on top of the bench, like a parrot might perch on top of a pirate's ship... and she'll scope. Giving us second by second direction... "So and so is open! Pass to So-forth! Quick, get rid of the ball!, Do you need a sub? You look tired!" I fill somewhat like I have my own personal little "air traffic reporter". All in all I think most of the time it works pretty good... When the time come that someone does need a sub, Defense girl comes roaring back out on the field like the "little engine that could" ready to give it her all... so way to go Defense Girl!


Mousey Soccer Face

Now we come to Mousey Soccer Face... why do I call her this? Well to me she is like a little mouse darting from one and of the field to the other with great stealth... and just like a mouse would, she steals the cheese... well scores... and before you know it she's back in the thick of things trying to get the ball again. Her one major fault is that she gets tired very fast... Now there's nothing wrong with this, but it's the fact that she doesn't sub herself out when she gets tired is the problem... She'll be putting down the field at the speed of crap (yes, crap is a speed... and for those wondering, it's a slow speed), when a player from the bench will shout out, "You need a sub? you look tired!" Mousey Soccer Face sternly turns around a sharply tells them, "No, I'm fine!"...Well, actually you're not... in fact you're doing pretty freakin' bad, and hurting your team because you're too selfish to sub yourself out when you're tired... I guess that makes you a terrible person, and you're in danger of hell fire... So how do you like those apples, eh? I guess if you can disconnect yourself from the situation (which shouldn't be hard for you people since you don't have to play with her) it's pretty funny if you think about it... I mean, she goes out there, she's zooming all around...t hen she slows down to what becomes almost a person playing in slow motion...hhhheeeerrrreeee, ppppaaaassssssss mmmmeeee tttthhhheeee bbbbaaaallllllll!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, that is kinda funny.


The Bipper

Now we come to, who I would call, one of the most entertaining players on the team, The Bipper! So why is his name be The Bipper? Well, because it's his word... Bip... he says it all the time! I mean if you had a word that you said all the time wouldn't you like to have it be your nick-name? Like... if your word was "dag" for instance, you would be, The Dagger! Oh! Or, if it was..."crap" for instance, you would be...The Crapper! Isn't that awesome?... I thought so too. Another question you may be asking is, "How is he entertaining?" Great question! You're a very attentive reading audience! Well, there are many ways The Bipper is entertaining... First, every time we score he chants, FOAM!! F-O-A-M!!!... to rally the team. Second, he runs around kicking violently at the ball in hopes of sending it sailing toward the other goal... and by violently, I mean violently! He could easily be called for that one violation for "having your leg too high" (picture me using quotation marks with my fingers) like every time he kicks the ball... But of course, as with every violent kicker, there is two outcomes... One: It does indeed sail toward the other goal, and he gets an "at-a-boy" from the team... or Two: He misses all together and the ball goes sailing right on by him... Usually it's the latter of these two... but he does everything with such grace and lively-ness that you just can't help yourself from cheering him on! I'm telling all this guy need do is start a clothing line called, "bip"...or perhaps, "The Bipper Presents:"...you know something like that. I'm telling you, he'd be rich.


Limping Girl

Next we are brought to Limping Girl. As to why she is called this should be a no brainier... but to those of you reading this with an IQ of 40 or lower I will tell you... It's because she limps! (one person reading this just had an epiphany)... Now as to why she is even playing soccer in the first place is a complete mystery to me... but she does none-the-less. If you can even call what she does playing that is... You see though, Limping Girl wasn't always Limping Girl... in fact we could even call Pre-Limping Girl... Violet. Yes, Violet... why Violet?... because that is the most random thing I could come up with on the fly... So how did this "limp" start in the first place you ask? Well, it was in the second practice we ever had... she was running... and running... and running... then bam! Somehow her foot just decided to catch it's self on the grass. Pain gripped her, and she told us she needed to leave... Ever since that day Violet was but a memory... and faded into who we now know as Limping Girl. Now, one would think that if you injure yourself you would let it heal before you play again, right? well, not if you're Limping Girl... No, instead of letting the injury get better she would play on the "bad leg". What this meant was... A: She was in pain while she played... B: She sucked, badly. and C: You wanted to tell her to get the crap off the field because of A and B... Now a part of me felt a little bad for her, but not really... because I really wanted her to admit she was in pain and get the crap off the field... but that never happened. So we who were on the bench just sat there in agony, not because we felt her pain, but because watching her play so badly caused us such pain.


Inconsistent Soccer Man

Finally, we will end this meeting of the players with Inconsistent Soccer Man. Why do I call him this? Well, for starters he's inconsistent (go figure)...One night he'll be playing with the skill of a thousand—a hundred— well, a couple of men... the next night he is playing with the skill of a dead giraffe. Now don't get me wrong... it's not that he gets in a lethargic state or anything... in fact he's always brimming with energy. It's just sometimes he's a little bit better then other times. For intense, when he's playing with the skill of a couple of men... he can pass the ball well, guard the best of opponents, and shoot the ball with the kind of velocity that would take a guys chest hair off... On the other hand, when he's playing with the skill of a dead giraffe... he's passing the ball to the other team, all over the field instead of staying in his position, and the velocity that he shoots with when he's playing when the skill of a couple of men is no more... Instead, when he shoots in this state, the ball seems to trickle toward the goal... In fact I think one time the goalie took a nap, woke up, and still saved it! One other thing that Inconsistent Soccer Man does, is that he's one of those cheering players... you know, "Guard him, you've got him... don't him get past you!" Like the long distance cheering is really helping him guard the guy... or there's the other thing he likes to do... tell us we can catch up when there's no possible way..."Come on guys, we can do this!"...no we can't, we're 11 goals behind with 3 minutes left in the game... we're toast. He was the original one to come up with the yelling FOAM! F-O-A-M!! after we scored a goal, but The Bipper perfected it, so he doesn't get credit for that one anymore... If I think about it I guess he's just trying to keep everything positive, which is fine... it's just it can get ones nerves.


Well, I hope that "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (2 of 2) was everything you expected it to be and more! And be sure to check back for the newest "Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team" blog dealio, to come sooner then later!

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The Valentine's Day Stereotype Countdown Blog

*Editor's Note*

Originally Posted in February, 2007 this blog of stereotypes has it's ups and downs. But overall I believe that it shines through as an enduring piece of random literature that lifts the spirit, and umm... soothes the soul?

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Well hello to everyone out there reading this! It would seem that it's that time of the year again... Valentine's Day. Yes Valentine's Day, the day more people get: teddy bears, heart shaped candy, and laid then any other day of the year (well, it's true). If you're single you'd almost think that this festive holiday of love comes more then once a year, but it doesn't. Now I know nobody reading this is single, and/or in need of something to take your mind off/ cheer you up of the fact that it is Valentine's Day... But I thought that I might as well do something for the precious few that will feel lonely, unloved, and suicidal. That's why I have written "The Valentine's Day Stereotype Countdown Blog", what it is... is an extravaganza of stereotypes of today's society (the top 10 to be exact... in no order), and the top 5 things they could do this Valentine's Day if they're single... so, read on... and maybe, just maybe this will take your mind off this festive holiday of love... or put you in the mood for tacos... one of the two.


If you're...____ you could...

Emo:

1. Converse with your friends about how the world is a cold and horrible place to live, then in the next minute converse about how you see the beauty in everything.

2. Watch one of those twisted independent films where the person falls in love, falls out of love, her ex dies, she figures out that she really did love him but it's too late... So she marries the first dip-stick to come along with a decent physique, only to find out he's abusive, then she ends up killing him and lives un-happily ever after in prison... the end.

3. Shut yourself in your room and write that new hit song, "I Must Be Alone in My Principles, and That's Why I'm Single"... because song titles really are getting this long and ridiculous.

4. Get some black hair dye, mascara, and a hair straightener, so you can look like a women without having one.

5. Slit your wrist. (don't really)


Musical Theatre/ Drama:

1. Everywhere you go just tap dance and sing... you know, like any other normal day in the life of an musical theatre major...

2. Be in a show... after all some of us are just to busy for love.

3. Just walk around all day humming the tune... "My Funny Valentine" and hope that someone catches your subtle hint at wanting a companion on this festive holiday of love.

4. Go to a show with your other single friends and criticize the crap out of it... because A: You're single, and B: You're not in it.

5. Drink, pass out, and wake up in some box by a dumpster next to a guy with a mo-hawk that does an impression of you, doing him, doing you, doing him... on ten. Isn't that weird? Ya, I thought so.


Nerd:

1. Have a Star Wars watching marathon with all your friends... because yes, all of your friends are single.

2. Play that new Mega Multi Player Online video game that you can supposedly play with your toes!

3. Go to the local comic book shop and buy the newest issue of "Supergirl", because that's the closest you're actually going to get to an attractive girl.

4. Create a "virtual girlfriend" computer program.

5. Hire a... well, you know what... No, not that... a personal trainer.


Prep:

1. Go and buy some new clothes... because spending money somehow eases the pain of being single.

2. Talk on the phone with your best single friend for hours rambling on about how, "you can't believe that piece of slime dumped you a week before Valentine's Day for that other bimbo"

3. Go to a movie, in a crowded mall, with your crowd of friends... wearing your tight Abercrombie & Fitch pants (guys and girls) and hope that someone you know will spot you on the "social scene" and not think you're a total loser.

4. Go to a club alone?!... and hope you can sweet talk one of the fellow preppies into being your "fix" for this festive holiday of love.

5. Do the unthinkable... call a "1-900" number.


Skater:

1. Skate on a park bench... because to you Valentine's Day is just another day.

2. Sit around a table and talk to your fellow "dudes" about what's up in the world... besides Valentine's Day.

3. Spend the whole day searching for that "perfect" jump, and once you find it spend the rest of the day trying to land it in front of cute girls that walk by.

4. Stay at home and watch, "Grind", but then have to clean your room... because you're 25, still live at home with your parents, and life sucks!

5. Take your skateboard, and face-plant it into every bozo that you think looks at you funny... because it's Valentine's Day, you're single, and you're not taking crap from anyone!


Hick:

1. Sit in your 12 in 1 Lazy-Boy like you usually do when it's not Valentine's Day, and never have to move to: eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, watch TV, get a beer, change the channel, work (because you don't a job), talk on the tely-phone, pick your nose, wear plaid shirts, take a "bath", check facebook (if you're a rich hick and have a laptop computer with wi-fi).

2. Talk to your "friends" about what's going on in the world... besides Valentine's Day, and politics, and sports, and world peace, and how stuff works... and basically anything that requires brain activity.

3. Hold up a sign by the side of the road that reads, "Wood u bee mi Velent-nine?!" with your smilin' buck teeth just... umm...*shinning* away.

4. Just walk up to a girl and carry her off. (what? It worked in "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers")

5. On Valentine's Day carry around an axe, and take off the head of the first person that says, "Look, it's a single hick with an axe!"


Goth:

1. Go to your favorite hang out spot... Hot Topic.

2. Go to your "Shrink" and talk about how you want to "beat the man", and "stick it to society"... then go to Starbucks and order your frappuccino.

3. Hang out with your fellow single, pale skinned, weird colored haired friends, and watch something like "Friday the 13th"... because if you watch any of that mushy love crap you're just going to kill someone.

4. Kill someone. (Don't do this one)

5. Ask a prep out on a date?!?! (I suppose you shouldn't actually do this one either)


Ghetto:

1. Just chill at your "pad".

2. Tape some broken flowers together and try to give them to your ex-girlfriend. Saying that for the sake for this "festive holiday of love" you should get back together.

3. When your ex turns you down, take those same taped flowers and try to give them to random women that you meet... saying, "Come on baby, I taped these just for you!"

4. Steal a nice car, parade around for the rest of the day in your "pimp-mobile", trying to pick up chicks in your illegitimate ride.

5. Bust a cap in anyone that looks that you weird... because it's Valentine's Day, your single, and that just ain't right. (restrain yourself from doing this one too)


Normal:

1. Watch a DVD... at home... by yourself.

2. Sit around with your friends and talk about... what girls/guys you wish you were going out with, and politics, and sports, and world peace, and how stuff works... and basically anything that requires brain activity.

3. Pretend to lose a contact in front of "Hooter's" and see who comes out to help you look.

4. Get some Valentine's Day cards, write your phone number on them, and stick them inside every girl you knows mailbox... and wait to see who calls you back first.

5. Order a "Mail-order Bride"


Religious Crowd:

1. Praise the lord that you're still single at age 28...

2. Just hang around with all your other saved friends that are also waiting for "Mr. Right", and hope that he magically comes to sweep you off your feet... that is if he is: Well dressed, brings flowers, wears the right kind of cologne, isn't too tall or too short, is exactly two years and seven months older then you, and of course he has to be active in the church... if he doesn't meet all of these qualifications, he's already struck out.

3. Walk up to the hottest girl in church and say, (in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice) "Thus say-ith the Lord, you are going to marry mee, and we will have several children's... and somehow be related to the Kennedy's... Alright, I'm going to go talk to Sean for a second and give you some time to let this sink in, I'll be back."

4. Show up at the annual "Christian's Only! Valentine's Day Speed Dating Extravaganza".

5. Go out with an "unsaved" person!


Unfortunately "Pirate" was currently #11 on the top social stereotypes, so maybe next year...Well that's it for this year's Valentine's Day blog dealio...hopefully it got your mind off of the "festive holiday of love" or put you in the mood for tacos...

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The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (1 of 2)

*Originally Posted January, 2007*


Well, hello again soccer fans! Now I thought before I dove in to the season of blood, sweat, and pain... it would be a good idea to meet the players of the Galaxy Dollars soccer team. Yes the players that have worked and trained so hard to be moderately good at what they do. Now, due to the fact that there are what some would call a plethora of people of the team, I will have to split this up into two parts. So I ask you now to prepare... get a bowl of ice cream, a box of Oreos, and one of those little personal packs of Kleenex... Why, because you are going to laugh and... cry. Well, maybe laugh hard enough to cry... or maybe you'll stub your toe and cry... at any rate you should cry. So... umm... read on.


PHONY DISCLAIMER:

This is a phony disclaimer... Any attempt to pass this off as a real disclaimer will almost undoubtedly put you in immediate danger to: kick the bucket, have someone yell, "Oogie-boogie-boo!" at you, or have to watch a women shave her armpits. Yes, any of those... or any other things you can think of that causes death, or indefinite atrophy to ones body... So in other words, don't take this disclaimer seriously. So, on that note I present to you, "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...Meet the Players (1 of 2)"


Singing Soccer Face

To start this shin-dig off right we'll start this dealio off with a classic... Singing Soccer Face! As some of you may recall if you read the original Galaxy Dollars blog dealio, there was a Singing Barista Face... and to those of you who did read them, yes... Singing Soccer Face, and Singing Barista Face are the same person. On the other hand, to those of you who didn't read the original Galaxy Dollars blog dealios... well... Singing Soccer Face and Singing Barista Face are the same person. There, you're caught up, happy? I thought so. Now back to Singing Soccer Face... As to why he got this nick-name is actually quite irrelevant to how he plays soccer, but it's a cool nick-name none-the-less... So how does he play soccer? Well, half the time he is our flailing goalie, diving one way or the other at almost every ball that comes his way (he likes to dive), even if it's just rolling right to him... Then he promptly sends it (the ball) back out to his usually unsuspecting teammates, whether they're ready for it or not. The other half of the time he is our soccer warrior on a war path of destruction... and by that I mean, he is kicking the ball at the opposing teams goalie continuous times in hope that one will get past. At any rate, he plays with so much passion that you just can't keep yourself from playing with a smile on your face... whether or not it's from the way he runs with such poise and vigor, or the fact that you like to see a guy give his very best whether you're winning, or down by 20 points.


Awkward Runner Girl

Alright, now that we're in the thick of things lets continue with Awkward Runner Girl. As you may have deducted the reason I call her this is the fact that she runs somewhat... well... awkwardly. She sprints down the field like I imagine Napoleon Dynamite's creation the Lyger would run... legs all about, but meaning business the whole time. What makes this so funny is the fact that she's actually quite short... so I really don't know how she does it, but never-the-less she does! Now don't get me wrong, it's not that she's a bad player, because she's not... in fact she plays with a lot of heart. Always taking one for the team, whether it's being push down by an opposing player or being hit in places that isn't comfortable for a girl to be hit. So it's not that at all... it's just that... well... you haven't seen the way she runs... Fine, we'll give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe it's the soccer shorts... but somehow I doubt it.


SoccerBack

Next we come to the heart and soul of the Galaxy Dollars soccer team, SoccerBack. Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Why in the world did he name him SoccerBack?" Well, I will tell you... you may have heard Justin Timberlake's little tune exclaiming about how he's brought "SexyBack"...well, I'm not too sure he did, but I am here to tell you that this guy... (to the tune of SexyBack) be brinin' "SoccerBack"...ya! SoccerBack flies up and down the field with amazing ball handling skills and shooting accuracy. (If you're still singing what you read to the tune of SexyBack...stop. no, really.) He weaves in and out of heavily populated enemy soccer terrain, and somehow comes out on the other side with the ball in hand... well... on foot. The rest of us stand to his left and to his right hoping that the other team will think that we too are really awesome and guard us and not him... But this doesn't usually happen since the other team is rarely gullible enough to believe our phony attempt to look like we actually know what the heck we're doing. So... SoccerBack ends up doing what he does best... He brings SoccerBack...ya!


Soccer Players Gone Wild Man

Now we are lead to who I would call the 2nd best player on the team... Soccer Players Gone Wild Man... Now why I call him this on the soccer field will require a little explaining, but I mean I'm not going anywhere, and you're not going anywhere... so hey, I'll break it down for you. Well, the fact is one would think from talking to this man on the job that he is an easy going and well mannered person... Well, he might be that way on the job, but let me tell you on the field this man is a soccer-a-holic... Zipping from one end of the field to the other in a flash! At work I didn't even know the man was mobile! Just creative... Let me tell you one thing, after seeing him play this way, if I had beat him up as a young child I would have pleaded for forgiveness from him for fear that he'd open a can of, "Kick the Crap out of Ben o' Beans" on me... Well, I do believe that's about all you need to know about Soccer Players Gone Wild Man, so on we go!


Bossy Pants Women Face

Now we come to Bossy Pants Women Face. So why did I name her this you ask? Well, it's quite simple actually... She is bossy, I'm sure sometimes she wears pants, and she has the face of a women... Now I will say that digging a little deeper into the entity that is Bossy Pants Women Face is a little more difficult, but I will try. Bossy Pants Women Face is a complex creature... as her husband would probably tell you on a back street in a dark ally-way (so as not to be seen by his significant other, for those of you who missed the intended pun). Yes, she is complex indeed... Off the field a genuinely nice person to talk to... On the field... on the field (no I did not just stutter, I repeated for dramatic effect...) she is... well... a Bossy Pants Women Face! Telling you how to do this, and how to do that... when her herself isn't even doing it! This my friends, and complete strangers rubs me the wrong way... I mean if you're going to tell me what to do, you better dang well be doing yourself be golly! So, some of you may be asking, "How do you deal with this?"...good question, I will answer. The truth is, is when she does this bossy thing to me... I simply play dumb, and answer something like this... "What? Kick the ball? How do I do that? Quick help me!" What's sad is sometimes she thinks I'm serious... "Well, you're going to kick the ball with the inside of your foot, and aim the best you can."...all in all I guess it's kind of humorous to have her on the team, I guess she can stay.


Sweet Soccer Starlet

So next we come to one of the most considerate, well mannered people on the team... Sweet Soccer Starlet. I know, I know you don't have to tell me... this was a sweet use of alliteration...Ha! I'm so artsy-fartsy! ...*ahem*...I don't know what happened... I guess the spirit of Niles Crane was upon me. I hope that never happens again, and I sure hope I never say the words "artsy-fartsy" again. Anyway, Sweet Soccer Starlet is the one that is the all around pretty good player... and because she's so easy going many on the team believe that you could tell her to do petty much anything, and she'll just do it... I will give you a few examples of what one might say to her, and her "would be" answers... Person A: "Hey Sweet Soccer Starlet, play defense!" Sweet Soccer Starlet: " Ok, you got it!". Person B: "Get back on the bench, you're not doing so hot!" Sweet Soccer Starlet: "You bet, no problem!" Person 3: "Your mom goes to college...". Sweet Soccer Starlet: "Drop dead..." I guess she likes her mom. At any rate she's fun to play with, and a decent player to boot.


Insecure Soccer Player Man

Well alrighty then... now we come to Insecure Soccer Player Man. Now why would I name him this you ask? Well gee, let me think... could it be because when he gets the ball he just stands there like a deer in headlights... like he's unsure of what to do with the ball. I mean it's soccer... you kick it. That's it, that's the whole object... Ask Bossy Pants Women Face she'll tell you. I mean even if you suck at doing it you are aware of what to do. But not if you're Insecure Soccer Player Man. No, if you're Insecure Soccer Player Man, you stand there... and wait... and wait... and wait some more, until the other team comes and takes the ball from you. Of course that's followed be his trademark, "Man, I'm sorry guys... I don't know what happened?!" I know what happened, you suck. In fact I'd say that every time he gets the ball in his possession that there's a better chance of Michael Jackson turning back into a good looking black man... then him getting the ball past mid-court. Yes, I know that's probably a little bit harsh... but please, for the love of doughnuts, when you get the ball... don't just stand there... kick it!


Hot or Not Face

Ok, now we come to Hot or Not Face. So why would I name her this? Well, she is arguably one of our best players... Arguably because as her name plainly states she's either hot... or she's not. Not in the anatomic way, but in the, "Her game is on... or off" way. Now when her game is on, the short little foreign girl almost can't be stopped... Kicking the ball into the goal, passing with amazing accuracy, and just plain terrorizing the other team. But when she's not on... oh, boy... let me tell you. She can't keep the ball without losing it, all her "shots on goal" are more like "shots on the 2nd guy from the right of the goal" (not that I have any room to talk), and her passing is... well... I wouldn't even call it passing. One other thing about Hot or Not Face is that you can tell if she's on or not purely be listening to her... If she's on she's always yelling something like, "Good job guys, keep it up!" in her thickly accented voice, or yelling some put down to the team in some South American language... But when she's off... the words, and the tone of them are a bit different... Shouting things like, "What kind of call was that! F-ing blind ref! I'm just going to go home, I don't have to take crap like this!" Then going off again in a language I can't understand... but I can be sure of one thing, when she's yelling in her foreign language (when in a bad mood) ...She's not inviting you over for tea and crumpets.


Goalie Guy

Alrighty then, now we come to Goalie Guy... As his name might suggest, he was our goalie the other half of the time Singing Soccer Face wasn't (deep I know). Goalie Guy is a little bit more kouthful then Singing Soccer Face when playing goalie. He effortlessly snatches balls out of the sky, the ground, and yes... even heads! ...I guess. I don't know... in fact I really doubt it, but it sounded cool to write. Really, if you think about it there's not much more someone can say about a goalie then what I've already said, except that... well... he saved our bacon multiple times... not real bacon of course... more like... ball bacon... well just balls... he saved our balls... soccer balls. oh, I give up.


Italian Stallion Face

Okie-dokie...Now we come to the last person for this installment, Italian Stallion Face... First, I'd like to say... no, this is not about me, and as you continue to read you will figure out very quickly it could never be me... Second, to the wise-acres still laughing because when you read the title of this person all you could think about was my nose... I hope you wake in the morning with a zit so big, that scientists have to name it Mt. Zittola. So, why do I call Italian Stallion Face, Italian Stallion Face? Two reasons... One: He has a lot of heart... some might say the heart of a stallion. (I know, I know... boo.) Two: I don't care who or what you are, you see this guy heading toward, you are...A: Getting or have gotten out of dodge, or B: A spot on the AstroTurf that maintenance gets to clean up later. Another talent that Italian Stallion Face has is his kick. It, like him when he's running is a force to be reckoned with! I swear if he kicked someone in the head just right they'd either die, or immediately think they're Pinky, from Pinky and the Brain, and start saying deep intellectual things like "narf, and "poit"... You know, I hope the latter of these two happens some time, because I think it'd be really funny to see someone yelling "narf" after getting hit in the head with a ball...


Well, that does it for "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...Meet the Players (1 of 2)". Check back next time for part 2 with all of the remaining players on the team!

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Opening Night

*Originally Posted January, 2007*


Why a pleasant hello to all, and to all a....well...pleasant hello. It tis' a new year, and with this new year of course comes new stories. So what is this story about you may be wondering? Well, it's about the Oklahoma City Opening Night New Year's Eve Party! and the adventures there of...*whew*... say that 5 times fast with a mouth full of turkey. Can't do it can you?... So anyway, with no more ado here is that story.


Now to start this story off properly you have to go back as far as October, for that is when I signed up to help volunteer with Galaxy Dollars Coffee for this year's Opening Night New Year's Eve party. Now at first when I signed up I was like, "Hey, I'm going to do some good here!" But shortly there after I started to ponder if I had done a wise thing by giving up my precious holiday evening. You may be asking yourself right now, why did he sign up for it in the first place if he was going to want out of it? Well you see, that answer consists of two parts... One, back in October I had nothing going on, on this festive evening, so it was fine and dandy... and Two, I found out later (and underline later... oh, I already did, forget it.) that I would be watching little children all night. As the night approached I started to receive invitations to events and what-not... and let me tell you, it was hard turning down "what-not"! After all this I realized that I had indeed made a grave mistake by giving up my precious holiday evening, but it was to late to back out on the person now... so to Opening Night I went.

I showed up downtown right on schedule for where I was going... Now I was prepared for the volume of people that were downtown, but the parking... the parking was just... well... crap. One would think that perhaps they might have an area for volunteers to park, or perhaps a shuttle to take you where you need to go, or at very least that you wouldn't have to pay for parking because you're volunteering... but no, no to all the above. Not only no to all the above, but they had police watching the free parking at movie theater so that people who weren't going to see a movie had to leave the lot, and park elsewhere. Me, I wasn't about to pay for parking, and as my friend Josh Langer would agree with me a hundred percent on I'm sure... I had to find a free parking space. So, I did what any cheap, stingy, college aged guy would do... search for a way in the movie theater's free parking lot! First I tried going to the parking lot under the over-pass that I knew about, but there was a guy there wanting money, so I told him I was just trying to exit and made a circle going back to where I began. As I waited for the light to change I thought of an idea! I turned back in the parking lot, I turned and acted like I was going to go the same under the over pass parking lot, but then made a left into the back entrance of the movie theater's parking lot... I was almost home free! I started looking for a parking space, when I look to the left and there's a cop sitting there in his car... but his back is to me... so quickly drive past and found a parking spot.

Now since there were no shuttles I walked all the way to where I needed to be. I got there on time, and prepared to work with the little ankle biters for the evening. But as I go to start helping out the girl in charge of the area asks, "Are you with Galaxy Dollars?"... To which I replied, "Yes."...She told me that they had enough help in this area, but that Galaxy Dollars was helping with the music area this year, and if I could help with that, that would be great... so I did. I made my way over to the Event Center and told them what was going on...It turned out that I vaguely knew the guy in charge of the music event. So he asked me if I wanted to MC for the night, to which I replied the only way a Ben could answer that question...hecks yes! Needless to say the night ended up being a blast, and except for one little snaf-foo the night went off without a hitch! Well, that will do it for now... hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year!

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The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Beginning of an Era

*Editor's Note*

It had been several months since I had tried to talk about anything really Starbucks related, due to the fact I had been told to stop posting stuff with the name "Starbucks" in it. As such, I thought that one, November, 2006 seemed like the right time to try again... and two, I would save the potential heartache of having to take them off by using the name "Galaxy Dollars" instead (get it?). And it must have worked too, because even though quite a few people read these blogs there has never seemed to be any backlash from it. Anyways, hope you enjoy!
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Hello to all! I hope each and everyone of you had a great Thanksgiving! If you didn't... I'm sorry you didn't but, umm... don't blame it on me. *ahem*...Moving right along... In the spirit of the holidays I thought I'd share a continuing story with all of you... but not just any story, no. This is a story about friends, and soccer, and teamwork... and Galaxy Dollars *whispers* (That's code for Starbucks)... and the human heart... and run on sentences. Run on sentences? *ahem* So as you read, this, the first in a line of stories about the peoples of Galaxy Dollars Coffee, and their quest for soccer playing bliss... I hope you are reminded of things, things like... hot coco by the fire, singing "White Christmas" with loved ones... hitting that poor defenseless bird that is now embedded forevermore on your tire... umm, maybe don't think about that last one. But anyway, you know what I mean... So, without any further ado, here is... "Beginning of an Era".



It seems not so long ago that one of my fellow Galaxy Dollar co-workers said, "Hey, we should form a Galaxy Dollar soccer team!"

And all the girls were like, "Oh, what a great idea! How much fun would that be?!"

And all the guys were like, "Hmm, we get to kick a ball around? Ok, seems like fun."


So everyone started talking about how to go about setting it up... First, we had meeting to find out who was really serious about playing on the team, setting up important details, and stuff of that nature. Then we had a another meeting... and to be quite honest I don't know what purpose that meeting served. We sat around talking about what number we wanted to be, how our jerseys would look, if we would have to wear underwear at the games, would Ben look good in a thong... well, not really the last two... But ya, it was general crap like that, so it was pretty pointless in my opinion.

Next, a certain Galaxy Dollar employee found us a "beginners soccer league" to play in and signed us up. For all we knew we could have playing little kids, but never-the-less we knew we needed to practice since there were several people (like myself) who didn't have the foggiest idea how to play soccer. So we set up some practice dates. Finally the first soccer practice got here... we were all pumped, we were all dressed appropriately, we were all... really bad. It's true, except for three players, we were terrible. We couldn't pass good, we couldn't shoot good, we couldn't even handle the ball good. The only thing we were really good at? ...drinking water. But we did do that with greatness! There was just one thing on our minds now... how can we not suck so bad. Well, that... and how we hoped that we really were playing kids, or we were going to get our butts whipped! We wisely decided that we needed a few more practices before we hit the "big green". We practiced a few more times in the weeks to come, and we were getting better. I would say that in those practices we went from horrible, to adequate... so needless to say we were feeling pretty good. Indeed, with those practices our confidence grew, our hair grew, and even our skills grew (a little). It was true, our first game approached! ...Check back soon for, The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...The First Game!

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When it Rains it Pours... The Story of the Weekend from Hell

*Originally Posted November, 2006*


First I'd like to start this off by saying, the story below is NOT fabricated in anyway... I may word things in such a way that you might you chuckle, or perhaps even laugh, but it's still true. So, as you read this story with your loved ones, your pets, or even the fly on the wall... just remember that this story... ya it's all real. Ok, so... read the freakin' story, and enjoy it you sick twisted people!...j/k.


Now it has been my experience that weekends are usually a good thing, a thing that one can look forward to, a time of more fun then the week... But alas, that was not the case for the weekend in question. This is that fateful story...


It all started on a Saturday night, I was bored sitting on my couch watching football when it all started to unfold..."Party Thrower A" came through the door with some Party go-ers, and Party Thrower A's care-taker (Mom), who was carrying a paper bag full of "fire water" (Booze). I immediately got a little concerned, but "Party Thrower A" (who is 18) asked me to trust him, and with his care-taker being there I thought I had nothing to worry about, so I did... an unwise decision. So instead of questioning him I just cocked my brow, and changed for work. And left for work shortly there after.

As I recall the night at work was not a pleasant one, my now former Store Manager (AKA, Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON FOCUS face) was working his last shift before being promoted to District Manager... and was not in what one might call a pleasant mood. Now seeing as this was his last shift, I had to nag him to get me my set of Shift Supervisor keys... you know I need to do my job! Anyway, finally about 15 minutes before close he finally gave them to me. I tried letting him know how much I appreciated this and everything he'd done etc, etc... but he didn't really want to listen... so I pretty much was like, well then pal, screw you... and finished the night. Then, well... I went home. After I got home I decided to hide the new keys in my car so no one would find them. I hid them inside the car and headed inside the building. (What? It sounded good in my head!)

As I neared the apartment door I could hear the sound of crap going on in the apartment... I braced myself and headed inside. Once inside I was hit with a barrage of inebriated people, most of which I didn't know (this I am fine with) I also had noticed some people that had infatuations with faces (or at least their mouths). Some of these instances were hetero, and some of them were homo (this made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I'm still good). I walk a little farther to discover 15 year olds drunk off their ass... that was it. I immediately put an end to the juvenile inebriation, and quickly started trying to get people in a state in which they could leave the premises. Now because there were both sheep and wolves in the apartment, and by sheep I mean girls, and by wolves I mean boys... I decided that I would need to make sure that all was well before I crashed for the evening, unless I wanted to buy a new couch (if you know what I mean). Unfortunately, the time that "all was well" was 5:00am... I woke up about 11:00am and decided that I would go to lunch with my friends, while "Party Thrower A" and his "buddies" were in the apartment. And by buddies I mean... well, more than buddies.

Since I was now in a festive mood I put on a Bob Marley wig, and a top that my new Strongbad beanie, and I was off to eat Chinese... things were going good. That was until I got to my car. I walk up to my car humming a little hum, and walking like a Jamaican. But when I opened my door and looked inside... I had been robbed!!! I darted for where I hid the keys, but they were gone, among other things of value... including my CD player, and The Killers new album that was in it... needless to say I was not a happy camper. I called the company I work for and alerted them of the what had happened... I quickly received a call from the "former Store Manager" wanting to know what happened and at times almost blaming me for them being stolen... All I have to say about this is... not cool pal-bert, not cool. I looked around the parking lot and found that 2 other cars had been robbed as well... So, as one might deduce between the party, and the burglary my weekend bit the "big one". Well, thanks for reading... check back for more festive reading later. It will be festive...I promise.