The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... The Rest of Season One

*Originally Posted May, 2007*

Hello all! I hope that all of you have enjoyed the previous Galaxy Dollars blog dealios... but I thought it was time to finally wrap up this purticular Galaxy Dollars Coffee saga... So here we stand at the last chapter in the "Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team" blog dealio. But don't fret, be sad... or anything else that involves not... happiness. For there will be more Galaxy Dollar blogs in the future to lift your chin, your spirits and... your car? But until then enjoy, "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... The Rest of Season One".

We were one game in, and it was already a long season... With the smashing defeat of our first game so fresh on our minds all we could do was make excuses about how they won. Ranging from rumors that they cheated to... they won because they had jerseys. The rumors of no sense started to pile up, and I guess no one stopped to think for a moment that we were why we lost! Yes us, with our bad playing skills, blue shin guards, and balding player. But deep down, I had a feeling that we all knew the truth... we just didn't want to say it. With the seasons start practices ceased, and it was now up to each individual to better his or her self on the field... right. The outcomes of the next three games we played were no different from the first, what with the: moderate to horrible losses, lack of deodorant usage, and wearing white t-shirts because we still had no real jerseys.

We knew something had to change... and it did. Our jerseys came in! It was true, I received a call from Singing Soccer Face telling me of the good news that our white jerseys had come in. Unfortunately, that news was proceeded with the news that the sizes of the jerseys were wrong and they would be as tight as a... tight piece of clothing. And indeed they were... We tried to get the company that sent us the wrong sizes to fix their problem, but they said it would take a little time before they were able to get the new sizes to us. Nevertheless, we the players of the team, thought that the jerseys would help us of the field. So, for the next four games we played with the uncomfortably tight jerseys... which was fine for the girls of the team...*ahem*... because most women wear their shirts tight anyway. But for the guys... well, it felt like we were... not straight. (not that there's anything wrong with that)

As you may have figured out by now we lost all of the aforementioned games. For the players of the team it was beginning to be a painful thing to go to soccer night. Mostly because it always had the same outcome... Show up pumped, start the game... leave with another loss. We were now 0-8, and the hope that burned bright at the beginning of the season was about gone. Every time we would step foot on the field the other team knew they were walking out with a victory... The problem was... we didn't know, and that's what hurt. Then it happened... The break we had been waiting for! The balding player started to grow hair! j/k... Our new, new jerseys came in! These, were the right sizes! And what's even better is the fact that they were jet black! Now things would be different, because we were no longer the "Tight jerseyed angelic Galaxy Dollars soccer team"...no, we were now the "Black jerseyed Galaxy Dollars soccer team of death"! The first game we played with the new jerseys we won... and not just won, but, really won. 14 to 2 to be exact. But alas, it t'was a fluke... for we didn't win another game for the remainder of the season, we did manage to tie the next game, but that was pretty much it. We ended our season 1-12-1... but we learned so many life lessons that it was all worth it... (a star with a rainbow trail flashes past and reads, "The More You Know")...*darn NBC*

Well, that is the end of season one. Perhaps there will be a season two, but the way we played maybe not. Anyways, thanks for reading..."The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team" blog dealio, check back semi soon for new Galaxy Dollars blog updates!

The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (2 of 2)

*Originally Posted March, 2007*

Well hello to all! At last it's true... After the long, tearful, and (for some) beard growing wait. "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (2 of 2)" is finally here! For you... the peoples... to read... Commercial interruption!!!!

...Or listen to on our brand new 2 audio cassette tapes gift pack! Tell'em Rob! That's right, available for a limited time only these tapes of Galaxy Dollar mastery can be yours for the low introductory price of... 3 easy payments of $29.99!!! Want yours today?! Call 1-800-4-IM-A-SAP, and have your credit cards ready! Thanks Rob, and don't forget our tagline folks!, "You too can astonish your friends and family with useless Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team information!"...so buy three today!... Now back to your regularly scheduled blogging...

...*ahem*... like I was saying it is finally here for you... the peoples... to read... and stuff. So! With that being said... Put on your favorite pair of pants, use the bathroom, and pick up that half eaten bag of Cheetos sitting on the floor next to you... and read, "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (2 of 2)"!

FUN AND (MAYBE) USEFUL INFORMATION:

One last thing before you dig into that bag of Cheetos—I mean the blog... As a little extra fun, I had enough forethought in writing these that in either this, or the last installment of the "Meet the Players" blog dealios I wrote a character in "third person" that is really me. So, see if you can guess which character is actually me, and how I played soccer! (remember it can be in this blog, or part one) If you think you know which one is me, put your guess in your blog comment, or I suppose you can message me. And I will let you know if your are right of not.

The Pillsbury Soccer Girl

Alright, so for the second part of this blog dealio I thought we'd start off with, The Pillsbury Soccer Girl. Why do I call her this you may wonder? Well, the reason is, is that every time she kicks the soccer ball, or someone pokes her she goes, hee-hee! And all though I know the Pillsbury dough boy goes, "hoo-hoo!" and not "hee-hee" I don't really care. She does share other similarities with the dough boy as well... Now I don't know if you've ever noticed, but the dough boy frolics... And she, like the dough boy, seems to frolic from place to place. It's not that she's that graceful, but there's just no other way to put it...i t's a frolic. So, between the, "hee-hees!", and the frolicking the other team sometimes just looks at her instead of guarding her... This in turn gives The Pillsbury Soccer Girl the opportunity she needs to score a goal... or miss (which is more actuate). well, sometimes it works... But even if she does miss, she just frolics her Pillsbury Soccer self right on down the field until the next time she gets to try and score, and shout, "hee-hee!"

I Think I'm Good Face

Ok, now we come to the one I like to call, I Think I'm Good Face. Why shell we call him this? Well, it's because in his mind he is God's gift to us on the soccer field. In reality... he's not even close. In fact, if you're going to compare him with a gift I'd be more likely to compare him with crap... Ahh, yes... the gift of crap. It's on everyone's list! Actually, I would say that his talent level rivals that of a... rabbit. Yes, a soccer playing rabbit. He's all over the place, legs hopping everywhere... kicking at everything... shooting from our own goal box... telling his teammates, "how hot the other team's women are"...*ahem*. But, yes, that's it. That's all he does... in fact here's a little stat for all of you to feast upon... He has never once: scored a goal, passed the ball, or gotten a date with an opposing teams girl... see what I mean? I Think I'm Good Face... I mean even George Costanza even got a date from time to time...*shakes head in shame*

The Blond Guy That's Not That Good

Alright next we come to The Blond Guy That's Not That Good... So why would I name him The Blond Guy That's Not That Good? Well, as his name would suggest, he's blond, and not that good... hints the name The Blond Guy That's Not That Good. The fact is, it is very frustrating to play with him because sometimes I think you could lay a piece of crap of the ground in his place and no one would notice that he's not the piece of crap... You see, it's the same routine every time... he gets there all energized and goes through the motions of thinking he's really getting pumped up (I swear he does this to Weird Al's "White and Nerdy"), he gets mentally ready to beat the other team... then stands on the field like... well... a piece of poop. The sadder thing is, is that at the end of the game he really thinks he contributed to the team in some measurable way, when in reality the game had ended 30 minutes ago, and he's just waking up from his state of comatose. "Let's get pizza! Any one up for some pizza?"...umm, no The Blond Guy That's Not That Good, we're all going home... we're tired, we actually played hard. I have nothing else to say on this matter... PS: He's dopey looking, really.

The Iron Horsett

Here we come to The Iron Horsett. So why do I call her this? Well, because I thought "The Italian Stallionett" was a bit cheesy... Besides I think this has a good ring to it. She, like The Italian Stallion, knows how to handle herself (on and off the field) Off the field, she is most of the time an awesome person to be around, but on the field she's like a train on a mission to get to it's destination... In this case the destination is the ball. If you have her "destination" I do heavily advise you to get out of harms way (because Harm's a nice guy, so cut him a break...j/k)...But really, I do advise getting out of her path! Only if you value your life though... if you don't you're fine. The fact is, she is quite serious about getting the ball... maybe too serious. Not one to back down from a fight of any kind, The Iron Horsett will get that ball away from you anyway she can... whether that means knocking you unconscious, impairing your senses permanently... or even if it means black-mailing your mom (you hear a hush in the background)... so don't mess with her.

Defense Girl

Ok, next we come to Defense Girl, as her name might suggest she likes to play defense... maybe too much. How much is to much you may be asking? Well, when you're subbed in on offense and your team has the ball... and she starts yelling, "Someone get on offense! I don't want to be on offense! Here, switch me! Be on offense!" I think there might be a problem. It's not that she's bad...i n fact she's quite good at defense, but this might be taking it a little far. I mean I like to be where I'm going to play the best I can too... it's just a little funny sometimes how serious she takes it. (I mean after a loss one time I swear I saw her tare into the ref for a call he made in the first half, while blinking!...j/k) What is even funnier is when she's not in the game...(I'm not being mean... Just read on...) She'll stand on top of the bench, like a parrot might perch on top of a pirate's ship... and she'll scope. Giving us second by second direction... "So and so is open! Pass to So-forth! Quick, get rid of the ball!, Do you need a sub? You look tired!" I fill somewhat like I have my own personal little "air traffic reporter". All in all I think most of the time it works pretty good... When the time come that someone does need a sub, Defense girl comes roaring back out on the field like the "little engine that could" ready to give it her all... so way to go Defense Girl!

Mousey Soccer Face

Now we come to Mousey Soccer Face... why do I call her this? Well to me she is like a little mouse darting from one and of the field to the other with great stealth... and just like a mouse would, she steals the cheese... well scores... and before you know it she's back in the thick of things trying to get the ball again. Her one major fault is that she gets tired very fast... Now there's nothing wrong with this, but it's the fact that she doesn't sub herself out when she gets tired is the problem... She'll be putting down the field at the speed of crap (yes, crap is a speed... and for those wondering, it's a slow speed), when a player from the bench will shout out, "You need a sub? you look tired!" Mousey Soccer Face sternly turns around a sharply tells them, "No, I'm fine!"...Well, actually you're not... in fact you're doing pretty freakin' bad, and hurting your team because you're too selfish to sub yourself out when you're tired... I guess that makes you a terrible person, and you're in danger of hell fire... So how do you like those apples, eh? I guess if you can disconnect yourself from the situation (which shouldn't be hard for you people since you don't have to play with her) it's pretty funny if you think about it... I mean, she goes out there, she's zooming all around...t hen she slows down to what becomes almost a person playing in slow motion...hhhheeeerrrreeee, ppppaaaassssssss mmmmeeee tttthhhheeee bbbbaaaallllllll!!!!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, that is kinda funny.

The Bipper

Now we come to, who I would call, one of the most entertaining players on the team, The Bipper! So why is his name be The Bipper? Well, because it's his word... Bip... he says it all the time! I mean if you had a word that you said all the time wouldn't you like to have it be your nick-name? Like... if your word was "dag" for instance, you would be, The Dagger! Oh! Or, if it was..."crap" for instance, you would be...The Crapper! Isn't that awesome?... I thought so too. Another question you may be asking is, "How is he entertaining?" Great question! You're a very attentive reading audience! Well, there are many ways The Bipper is entertaining... First, every time we score he chants, FOAM!! F-O-A-M!!!... to rally the team. Second, he runs around kicking violently at the ball in hopes of sending it sailing toward the other goal... and by violently, I mean violently! He could easily be called for that one violation for "having your leg too high" (picture me using quotation marks with my fingers) like every time he kicks the ball... But of course, as with every violent kicker, there is two outcomes... One: It does indeed sail toward the other goal, and he gets an "at-a-boy" from the team... or Two: He misses all together and the ball goes sailing right on by him... Usually it's the latter of these two... but he does everything with such grace and lively-ness that you just can't help yourself from cheering him on! I'm telling all this guy need do is start a clothing line called, "bip"...or perhaps, "The Bipper Presents:"...you know something like that. I'm telling you, he'd be rich.

Limping Girl

Next we are brought to Limping Girl. As to why she is called this should be a no brainier... but to those of you reading this with an IQ of 40 or lower I will tell you... It's because she limps! (one person reading this just had an epiphany)... Now as to why she is even playing soccer in the first place is a complete mystery to me... but she does none-the-less. If you can even call what she does playing that is... You see though, Limping Girl wasn't always Limping Girl... in fact we could even call Pre-Limping Girl... Violet. Yes, Violet... why Violet?... because that is the most random thing I could come up with on the fly... So how did this "limp" start in the first place you ask? Well, it was in the second practice we ever had... she was running... and running... and running... then bam! Somehow her foot just decided to catch it's self on the grass. Pain gripped her, and she told us she needed to leave... Ever since that day Violet was but a memory... and faded into who we now know as Limping Girl. Now, one would think that if you injure yourself you would let it heal before you play again, right? well, not if you're Limping Girl... No, instead of letting the injury get better she would play on the "bad leg". What this meant was... A: She was in pain while she played... B: She sucked, badly. and C: You wanted to tell her to get the crap off the field because of A and B... Now a part of me felt a little bad for her, but not really... because I really wanted her to admit she was in pain and get the crap off the field... but that never happened. So we who were on the bench just sat there in agony, not because we felt her pain, but because watching her play so badly caused us such pain.

Inconsistent Soccer Man

Finally, we will end this meeting of the players with Inconsistent Soccer Man. Why do I call him this? Well, for starters he's inconsistent (go figure)...One night he'll be playing with the skill of a thousand—a hundred— well, a couple of men... the next night he is playing with the skill of a dead giraffe. Now don't get me wrong... it's not that he gets in a lethargic state or anything... in fact he's always brimming with energy. It's just sometimes he's a little bit better then other times. For intense, when he's playing with the skill of a couple of men... he can pass the ball well, guard the best of opponents, and shoot the ball with the kind of velocity that would take a guys chest hair off... On the other hand, when he's playing with the skill of a dead giraffe... he's passing the ball to the other team, all over the field instead of staying in his position, and the velocity that he shoots with when he's playing when the skill of a couple of men is no more... Instead, when he shoots in this state, the ball seems to trickle toward the goal... In fact I think one time the goalie took a nap, woke up, and still saved it! One other thing that Inconsistent Soccer Man does, is that he's one of those cheering players... you know, "Guard him, you've got him... don't him get past you!" Like the long distance cheering is really helping him guard the guy... or there's the other thing he likes to do... tell us we can catch up when there's no possible way..."Come on guys, we can do this!"...no we can't, we're 11 goals behind with 3 minutes left in the game... we're toast. He was the original one to come up with the yelling FOAM! F-O-A-M!! after we scored a goal, but The Bipper perfected it, so he doesn't get credit for that one anymore... If I think about it I guess he's just trying to keep everything positive, which is fine... it's just it can get ones nerves.

Well, I hope that "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (2 of 2) was everything you expected it to be and more! And be sure to check back for the newest "Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team" blog dealio, to come sooner then later!

The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (1 of 2)

*Originally Posted January, 2007*

Well, hello again soccer fans! Now I thought before I dove in to the season of blood, sweat, and pain... it would be a good idea to meet the players of the Galaxy Dollars soccer team. Yes the players that have worked and trained so hard to be moderately good at what they do. Now, due to the fact that there are what some would call a plethora of people of the team, I will have to split this up into two parts. So I ask you now to prepare... get a bowl of ice cream, a box of Oreos, and one of those little personal packs of Kleenex... Why, because you are going to laugh and... cry. Well, maybe laugh hard enough to cry... or maybe you'll stub your toe and cry... at any rate you should cry. So... umm... read on.

PHONY DISCLAIMER:

This is a phony disclaimer... Any attempt to pass this off as a real disclaimer will almost undoubtedly put you in immediate danger to: kick the bucket, have someone yell, "Oogie-boogie-boo!" at you, or have to watch a women shave her armpits. Yes, any of those... or any other things you can think of that causes death, or indefinite atrophy to ones body... So in other words, don't take this disclaimer seriously. So, on that note I present to you, "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...Meet the Players (1 of 2)"

Singing Soccer Face

To start this shin-dig off right we'll start this dealio off with a classic... Singing Soccer Face! As some of you may recall if you read the original Galaxy Dollars blog dealio, there was a Singing Barista Face... and to those of you who did read them, yes... Singing Soccer Face, and Singing Barista Face are the same person. On the other hand, to those of you who didn't read the original Galaxy Dollars blog dealios... well... Singing Soccer Face and Singing Barista Face are the same person. There, you're caught up, happy? I thought so. Now back to Singing Soccer Face... As to why he got this nick-name is actually quite irrelevant to how he plays soccer, but it's a cool nick-name none-the-less... So how does he play soccer? Well, half the time he is our flailing goalie, diving one way or the other at almost every ball that comes his way (he likes to dive), even if it's just rolling right to him... Then he promptly sends it (the ball) back out to his usually unsuspecting teammates, whether they're ready for it or not. The other half of the time he is our soccer warrior on a war path of destruction... and by that I mean, he is kicking the ball at the opposing teams goalie continuous times in hope that one will get past. At any rate, he plays with so much passion that you just can't keep yourself from playing with a smile on your face... whether or not it's from the way he runs with such poise and vigor, or the fact that you like to see a guy give his very best whether you're winning, or down by 20 points.

Awkward Runner Girl

Alright, now that we're in the thick of things lets continue with Awkward Runner Girl. As you may have deducted the reason I call her this is the fact that she runs somewhat... well... awkwardly. She sprints down the field like I imagine Napoleon Dynamite's creation the Lyger would run... legs all about, but meaning business the whole time. What makes this so funny is the fact that she's actually quite short... so I really don't know how she does it, but never-the-less she does! Now don't get me wrong, it's not that she's a bad player, because she's not... in fact she plays with a lot of heart. Always taking one for the team, whether it's being push down by an opposing player or being hit in places that isn't comfortable for a girl to be hit. So it's not that at all... it's just that... well... you haven't seen the way she runs... Fine, we'll give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe it's the soccer shorts... but somehow I doubt it.

SoccerBack

Next we come to the heart and soul of the Galaxy Dollars soccer team, SoccerBack. Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Why in the world did he name him SoccerBack?" Well, I will tell you... you may have heard Justin Timberlake's little tune exclaiming about how he's brought "SexyBack"...well, I'm not too sure he did, but I am here to tell you that this guy... (to the tune of SexyBack) be brinin' "SoccerBack"...ya! SoccerBack flies up and down the field with amazing ball handling skills and shooting accuracy. (If you're still singing what you read to the tune of SexyBack...stop. no, really.) He weaves in and out of heavily populated enemy soccer terrain, and somehow comes out on the other side with the ball in hand... well... on foot. The rest of us stand to his left and to his right hoping that the other team will think that we too are really awesome and guard us and not him... But this doesn't usually happen since the other team is rarely gullible enough to believe our phony attempt to look like we actually know what the heck we're doing. So... SoccerBack ends up doing what he does best... He brings SoccerBack...ya!

Soccer Players Gone Wild Man

Now we are lead to who I would call the 2^nd best player on the team... Soccer Players Gone Wild Man... Now why I call him this on the soccer field will require a little explaining, but I mean I'm not going anywhere, and you're not going anywhere... so hey, I'll break it down for you. Well, the fact is one would think from talking to this man on the job that he is an easy going and well mannered person... Well, he might be that way on the job, but let me tell you on the field this man is a soccer-a-holic... Zipping from one end of the field to the other in a flash! At work I didn't even know the man was mobile! Just creative... Let me tell you one thing, after seeing him play this way, if I had beat him up as a young child I would have pleaded for forgiveness from him for fear that he'd open a can of, "Kick the Crap out of Ben o' Beans" on me... Well, I do believe that's about all you need to know about Soccer Players Gone Wild Man, so on we go!

Bossy Pants Women Face

Now we come to Bossy Pants Women Face. So why did I name her this you ask? Well, it's quite simple actually... She is bossy, I'm sure sometimes she wears pants, and she has the face of a women... Now I will say that digging a little deeper into the entity that is Bossy Pants Women Face is a little more difficult, but I will try. Bossy Pants Women Face is a complex creature... as her husband would probably tell you on a back street in a dark ally-way (so as not to be seen by his significant other, for those of you who missed the intended pun). Yes, she is complex indeed... Off the field a genuinely nice person to talk to... On the field... on the field (no I did not just stutter, I repeated for dramatic effect...) she is... well... a Bossy Pants Women Face! Telling you how to do this, and how to do that... when her herself isn't even doing it! This my friends, and complete strangers rubs me the wrong way... I mean if you're going to tell me what to do, you better dang well be doing yourself be golly! So, some of you may be asking, "How do you deal with this?"...good question, I will answer. The truth is, is when she does this bossy thing to me... I simply play dumb, and answer something like this... "What? Kick the ball? How do I do that? Quick help me!" What's sad is sometimes she thinks I'm serious... "Well, you're going to kick the ball with the inside of your foot, and aim the best you can."...all in all I guess it's kind of humorous to have her on the team, I guess she can stay.

Sweet Soccer Starlet

So next we come to one of the most considerate, well mannered people on the team... Sweet Soccer Starlet. I know, I know you don't have to tell me... this was a sweet use of alliteration...Ha! I'm so artsy-fartsy! ...*ahem*...I don't know what happened... I guess the spirit of Niles Crane was upon me. I hope that never happens again, and I sure hope I never say the words "artsy-fartsy" again. Anyway, Sweet Soccer Starlet is the one that is the all around pretty good player... and because she's so easy going many on the team believe that you could tell her to do petty much anything, and she'll just do it... I will give you a few examples of what one might say to her, and her "would be" answers... Person A: "Hey Sweet Soccer Starlet, play defense!" Sweet Soccer Starlet: " Ok, you got it!". Person B: "Get back on the bench, you're not doing so hot!" Sweet Soccer Starlet: "You bet, no problem!" Person 3: "Your mom goes to college...". Sweet Soccer Starlet: "Drop dead..." I guess she likes her mom. At any rate she's fun to play with, and a decent player to boot.

Insecure Soccer Player Man

Well alrighty then... now we come to Insecure Soccer Player Man. Now why would I name him this you ask? Well gee, let me think... could it be because when he gets the ball he just stands there like a deer in headlights... like he's unsure of what to do with the ball. I mean it's soccer... you kick it. That's it, that's the whole object... Ask Bossy Pants Women Face she'll tell you. I mean even if you suck at doing it you are aware of what to do. But not if you're Insecure Soccer Player Man. No, if you're Insecure Soccer Player Man, you stand there... and wait... and wait... and wait some more, until the other team comes and takes the ball from you. Of course that's followed be his trademark, "Man, I'm sorry guys... I don't know what happened?!" I know what happened, you suck. In fact I'd say that every time he gets the ball in his possession that there's a better chance of Michael Jackson turning back into a good looking black man... then him getting the ball past mid-court. Yes, I know that's probably a little bit harsh... but please, for the love of doughnuts, when you get the ball... don't just stand there... kick it!

Hot or Not Face

Ok, now we come to Hot or Not Face. So why would I name her this? Well, she is arguably one of our best players... Arguably because as her name plainly states she's either hot... or she's not. Not in the anatomic way, but in the, "Her game is on... or off" way. Now when her game is on, the short little foreign girl almost can't be stopped... Kicking the ball into the goal, passing with amazing accuracy, and just plain terrorizing the other team. But when she's not on... oh, boy... let me tell you. She can't keep the ball without losing it, all her "shots on goal" are more like "shots on the 2^nd guy from the right of the goal" (not that I have any room to talk), and her passing is... well... I wouldn't even call it passing. One other thing about Hot or Not Face is that you can tell if she's on or not purely be listening to her... If she's on she's always yelling something like, "Good job guys, keep it up!" in her thickly accented voice, or yelling some put down to the team in some South American language... But when she's off... the words, and the tone of them are a bit different... Shouting things like, "What kind of call was that! F-ing blind ref! I'm just going to go home, I don't have to take crap like this!" Then going off again in a language I can't understand... but I can be sure of one thing, when she's yelling in her foreign language (when in a bad mood) ...She's not inviting you over for tea and crumpets.

Goalie Guy

Alrighty then, now we come to Goalie Guy... As his name might suggest, he was our goalie the other half of the time Singing Soccer Face wasn't (deep I know). Goalie Guy is a little bit more kouthful then Singing Soccer Face when playing goalie. He effortlessly snatches balls out of the sky, the ground, and yes... even heads! ...I guess. I don't know... in fact I really doubt it, but it sounded cool to write. Really, if you think about it there's not much more someone can say about a goalie then what I've already said, except that... well... he saved our bacon multiple times... not real bacon of course... more like... ball bacon... well just balls... he saved our balls... soccer balls. oh, I give up.

Italian Stallion Face

Okie-dokie...Now we come to the last person for this installment, Italian Stallion Face... First, I'd like to say... no, this is not about me, and as you continue to read you will figure out very quickly it could never be me... Second, to the wise-acres still laughing because when you read the title of this person all you could think about was my nose... I hope you wake in the morning with a zit so big, that scientists have to name it Mt. Zittola. So, why do I call Italian Stallion Face, Italian Stallion Face? Two reasons... One: He has a lot of heart... some might say the heart of a stallion. (I know, I know... boo.) Two: I don't care who or what you are, you see this guy heading toward, you are...A: Getting or have gotten out of dodge, or B: A spot on the AstroTurf that maintenance gets to clean up later. Another talent that Italian Stallion Face has is his kick. It, like him when he's running is a force to be reckoned with! I swear if he kicked someone in the head just right they'd either die, or immediately think they're Pinky, from Pinky and the Brain, and start saying deep intellectual things like "narf, and "poit"... You know, I hope the latter of these two happens some time, because I think it'd be really funny to see someone yelling "narf" after getting hit in the head with a ball...

Well, that does it for "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...Meet the Players (1 of 2)". Check back next time for part 2 with all of the remaining players on the team!

Opening Night

*Originally Posted January, 2007*

Why a pleasant hello to all, and to all a....well...pleasant hello. It tis' a new year, and with this new year of course comes new stories. So what is this story about you may be wondering? Well, it's about the Oklahoma City Opening Night New Year's Eve Party! and the adventures there of...*whew*... say that 5 times fast with a mouth full of turkey. Can't do it can you?... So anyway, with no more ado here is that story.

Now to start this story off properly you have to go back as far as October, for that is when I signed up to help volunteer with Galaxy Dollars Coffee for this year's Opening Night New Year's Eve party. Now at first when I signed up I was like, "Hey, I'm going to do some good here!" But shortly there after I started to ponder if I had done a wise thing by giving up my precious holiday evening. You may be asking yourself right now, why did he sign up for it in the first place if he was going to want out of it? Well you see, that answer consists of two parts... One, back in October I had nothing going on, on this festive evening, so it was fine and dandy... and Two, I found out later (and underline later... oh, I already did, forget it.) that I would be watching little children all night. As the night approached I started to receive invitations to events and what-not... and let me tell you, it was hard turning down "what-not"! After all this I realized that I had indeed made a grave mistake by giving up my precious holiday evening, but it was to late to back out on the person now... so to Opening Night I went.

I showed up downtown right on schedule for where I was going... Now I was prepared for the volume of people that were downtown, but the parking... the parking was just... well... crap. One would think that perhaps they might have an area for volunteers to park, or perhaps a shuttle to take you where you need to go, or at very least that you wouldn't have to pay for parking because you're volunteering... but no, no to all the above. Not only no to all the above, but they had police watching the free parking at movie theater so that people who weren't going to see a movie had to leave the lot, and park elsewhere. Me, I wasn't about to pay for parking, and as my friend Josh Langer would agree with me a hundred percent on I'm sure... I had to find a free parking space. So, I did what any cheap, stingy, college aged guy would do... search for a way in the movie theater's free parking lot! First I tried going to the parking lot under the over-pass that I knew about, but there was a guy there wanting money, so I told him I was just trying to exit and made a circle going back to where I began. As I waited for the light to change I thought of an idea! I turned back in the parking lot, I turned and acted like I was going to go the same under the over pass parking lot, but then made a left into the back entrance of the movie theater's parking lot... I was almost home free! I started looking for a parking space, when I look to the left and there's a cop sitting there in his car... but his back is to me... so quickly drive past and found a parking spot.

Now since there were no shuttles I walked all the way to where I needed to be. I got there on time, and prepared to work with the little ankle biters for the evening. But as I go to start helping out the girl in charge of the area asks, "Are you with Galaxy Dollars?"... To which I replied, "Yes."...She told me that they had enough help in this area, but that Galaxy Dollars was helping with the music area this year, and if I could help with that, that would be great... so I did. I made my way over to the Event Center and told them what was going on...It turned out that I vaguely knew the guy in charge of the music event. So he asked me if I wanted to MC for the night, to which I replied the only way a Ben could answer that question...hecks yes! Needless to say the night ended up being a blast, and except for one little snaf-foo the night went off without a hitch! Well, that will do it for now... hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year!

The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Beginning of an Era

*Editor's Note*

It had been several months since I had tried to talk about anything really Starbucks related, due to the fact I had been told to stop posting stuff with the name "Starbucks" in it. As such, I thought that one, November, 2006 seemed like the right time to try again... and two, I would save the potential heartache of having to take them off by using the name "Galaxy Dollars" instead (get it?). And it must have worked too, because even though quite a few people read these blogs there has never seemed to be any backlash from it. Anyways, hope you enjoy!
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Hello to all! I hope each and everyone of you had a great Thanksgiving! If you didn't... I'm sorry you didn't but, umm... don't blame it on me. *ahem*...Moving right along... In the spirit of the holidays I thought I'd share a continuing story with all of you... but not just any story, no. This is a story about friends, and soccer, and teamwork... and Galaxy Dollars *whispers* (That's code for Starbucks)... and the human heart... and run on sentences. Run on sentences? *ahem* So as you read, this, the first in a line of stories about the peoples of Galaxy Dollars Coffee, and their quest for soccer playing bliss... I hope you are reminded of things, things like... hot coco by the fire, singing "White Christmas" with loved ones... hitting that poor defenseless bird that is now embedded forevermore on your tire... umm, maybe don't think about that last one. But anyway, you know what I mean... So, without any further ado, here is... "Beginning of an Era".

It seems not so long ago that one of my fellow Galaxy Dollar co-workers said, "Hey, we should form a Galaxy Dollar soccer team!"

And all the girls were like, "Oh, what a great idea! How much fun would that be?!"

And all the guys were like, "Hmm, we get to kick a ball around? Ok, seems like fun."

So everyone started talking about how to go about setting it up... First, we had meeting to find out who was really serious about playing on the team, setting up important details, and stuff of that nature. Then we had a another meeting... and to be quite honest I don't know what purpose that meeting served. We sat around talking about what number we wanted to be, how our jerseys would look, if we would have to wear underwear at the games, would Ben look good in a thong... well, not really the last two... But ya, it was general crap like that, so it was pretty pointless in my opinion.

Next, a certain Galaxy Dollar employee found us a "beginners soccer league" to play in and signed us up. For all we knew we could have playing little kids, but never-the-less we knew we needed to practice since there were several people (like myself) who didn't have the foggiest idea how to play soccer. So we set up some practice dates. Finally the first soccer practice got here... we were all pumped, we were all dressed appropriately, we were all... really bad. It's true, except for three players, we were terrible. We couldn't pass good, we couldn't shoot good, we couldn't even handle the ball good. The only thing we were really good at? ...drinking water. But we did do that with greatness! There was just one thing on our minds now... how can we not suck so bad. Well, that... and how we hoped that we really were playing kids, or we were going to get our butts whipped! We wisely decided that we needed a few more practices before we hit the "big green". We practiced a few more times in the weeks to come, and we were getting better. I would say that in those practices we went from horrible, to adequate... so needless to say we were feeling pretty good. Indeed, with those practices our confidence grew, our hair grew, and even our skills grew (a little). It was true, our first game approached! ...Check back soon for, The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...The First Game!

The Life and Times of a Ben at the Supermarket

*Originally Posted October, 2006*

Well hello again everyone! Now before I get started I wanted to make something clear that has to do with the title. Just in case the part that says, "a Ben" threw you off. That "a Ben" that it's talking about... ya, that's me... I just thought I'd clear that up in case you thought I was going to rattle off some random story about another Ben that you don't even know... Ok, glad we got that out of the way. So, let us begin our trip to the supermarket!

So there I was... I entered the Albertson's parking lot, found a decent parking space and headed inside to do my monthly grocery shopping. I walked through the front door, looked to my right and grabbed the closest cart available. I looked down at my cart and noticed something was missing... my list! I knew I didn't forget it so I frantically patted myself down, scrambling to find the piece of precious parchment. A couple of people walked by while I was doing this and gave some precarious looks, you know the, "I don't think it's appropriate to do something like that in public" looks. So I did what most any man in my position would have done.

As I patted myself, I started saying, "Where's my list?! I know that thing's around here somewhere..."

The passing peoples seemed to find the frantic babbling sufficient to get their dirty minds out of the gutter, so I was happy. Finally I found it! I was ready to shop!

So I began, with list in hand, and... an empty cart. I made my way past the fresh produce area first, to which I passed a meat stand stating, "Buy one, get one free!". This got my attention, so I stopped and perused the merchandise. While I pondering whether to get said deluxe meat or not, an Albertson's worker walked up, and started stocking the display I was looking at. After throwing a couple more packages on the display she stops and looks at me.

In a rather passionate but kind tone, the middle aged African American women states, "Honey, you should get some! They're buy one, get one!"

To which I responded the only way I could after that statement, "Well then, I'll take two!"...and I did.

Next I was off to the aisles... the aisle part of the shopping usually goes well. I was buying food, I was looking for the super-savers... things were pretty much "same-o, same-o"... that was until I reached the coffee aisle... Now I don't know why, but there is a gravitational pull when I pass by the Starbucks section of the coffee aisle. It's a tug, if you will, to assist the poor helpless individual looking so aimlessly at the Starbucks coffee, that they are almost overwhelmed by the sheer variety of it all. Now this "tug" usually gives way because there's is no one looking at the coffee... but, this time there was someone standing there in front of the Starbucks coffee display, and he had his hand on his chin... just waiting for some knowledgeable individual (such as myself) to help him with his coffee brewing needs/wants! I tried to keep walking... but I just couldn't, and the gravitational pull of "Legendary Service" reeled me in.

I walked up beside the man and proudly stated, "Hello sir, I happen to work for Starbucks and I am currently training to be a Coffee Master, is there any questions I could answer for you?".

The man turned around, and to my surprise stated, "Well, actually I'm looking for a good breakfast coffee... what would you recommend?"

I quickly went off on a rant about what coffees he may enjoy. When the dust settled he choose Breakfast Blend... a real shocker I know. He ended the conversation with, "Well, thanks for stopping by."...So I guess that's good.

Well that about does it for my trip to the supermarket... Oh, I lied... one last thing before I end this. I also met the OETA movie guy! ...You know, the one that's from the public station, he rambles on in the dead of night about classic movies, and is always holding a bucket of popcorn? No? you don't know him? *ahem* Well anyway... it was no big deal, really. Ok... more later.

Ben's Life Presents: Twisted Tales of Truth

*Originally Posted September, 2006*

Well hello! So alright, here I am on the other side of 22... not much different then 21, I don't really feel too much older. But I can tell you this... the grass was greener on the other side. Well... so far. But more on that later... because to get to the present you must first start with the past, then move forward to the present, then maybe we'll move to the future... maybe. or I could just ramble on, and on, about crap like this for a sentence or two more... j/k

First off I will take you on a journey to the not-so-long ago. As some of you may recall, earlier this year I had landed one of the lead roles in an independent feature length film that was being shot in Norman. Things were going great! Then it unraveled. As of last month we had been filming for two months, and were about to finish shooting the movie in three days. When out of the blue (wherever the heck that saying came from) my director calls me and leaves me a message saying, "Hey Ben, umm..."

---Now I'd like to interrupt right here for just a second. Just to let you know (in case you didn't know this already) if someone starts a sentence with, "umm, dot, dot, dot" it's most likely not going to be the most joyous news you've ever heard. Ok, back the story...

So he said, "Hey Ben, umm... I'm sorry to have to tell you this... but I'm going to have to let you go, and re-cast Denny (my character)... It's not your acting, really. But your chemistry with the lead actress just isn't working out. So... thanks for all the time you put in, but... don't bother coming to the shoot Wednesday ok? Bye."

Well alright... now I haven't been in a lot of movies, but I've been acting long enough to know that you would know before two months if two of the leads had "chemistry" or not. Not to mention he wouldn't even answer my phone calls when I tried to call him to talk about it. So... with all of these things said, in my opinion, I think he's full of something... and it isn't chocolate. Oh well... I guess that there is something on the horizon that's better... well, I hope.

Next is a story that I'm sure will have most of you reading this saying to yourself... "Ben's a freakin' idiot" ...or something close to that. But that's ok I still have to tell it anyway. Why? because I'm me, and I gotta be me! *Ahem* So, as aforementioned above, I am now 22 years old, and as such I am definitely feeling the pressure to not be a failure in life as I grow older. Well, that's where this story begins...

About one week ago while working at Picture People I was offered the position of Assistant Manager. I would be making a lot more money then I am now, I would be in management (obviously, hints the name "Assistant Manager"), and... I would have to give up trying for Shift Supervisor at Starbucks... Picture People gave me 24 hours to think it over and see if I wanted the position. So, I called my boss at Starbucks and told him of the offer, and asked if he could give me a "yes" or "no" on being a "Shift" there. He stated that he could not for at least two weeks. Wished me all the luck in the world (if I took it), and that I needed to let him know what my decision was within the next couple of days.

Well, because I was under the gun I did what almost any other red blooded American would have done... I took the job. Now to me Picture People has never been an A+ corporation to work for, in fact I would even lean toward the fact that they have sucked as a company. So, I had to ask myself why was I going to move up in a company I think is not so great? This is where you'll think I'm crazy...

The more I thought about it, the more I thought, "You know, Starbucks has always been good to me, and Picture People hasn't been, not to mention they haven't gotten back to me in a few days about the details... is this a sign of what's to come if I work for them as a manager? Laziness, and no communication?"

So, despite the money and the title... last week I told Picture People that I would like to not take the position after all, and told Starbucks that I was staying... what's so crazy about this you may be asking? Well, the fact is, is that I don't know if I will be promoted to "Shift" until next week, or the week after... So I might of made a grave decision, but oh, well... you got to do what you think is right, right? right. well, that's it for now, more coming later...

Starbucks, the Untold Stories... The Saga Ends?

*Editor's Note*

It was in July of 2006 that it was brought to my attention, (by my then Store Manager) that I had forgotten to delete one of my Starbucks blogs, and would need to do that "immediately". In addition to taking it down, he asked that I make it known that there would be no more "Starbucks blogs" coming from me. To this day I'm not sure that anyone besides him really cared that it was there, but never-the-less I did take it down. The following, is the post that he asked me to write stating that there would be no more "Starbucks blogs". But he never said I couldn't put my own twist on it, and since by this time I was a little riled up at the situation... I did (put my twist on it).
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Alright... To everyone who reads this, do not cry, blow your nose, or pick up a Uzi and start shooting people... but it's true. Starbucks, the untold stories... blog dealio, is no more. Why, some of you may be asking? These blogs have made people laugh, cry, and even reunited one person with their long lost family! Ok, that last one's not true... (but they were fun) Well, it is do to the fact that certain high up officials in Starbucks found, read, and (in their opinion) did not feel that the content of my blogs were good for general public to know. With that said... in their words, "If I would like to further myself with the company, it is in my best interest to no longer write new Starbucks blogs, and to remove previously posted ones." As such, Starbucks, the untold stories... will no longer be on my site. I am truly sorry that there will be no more Starbucks stories posted, but in this life you have to pick and choose your battles... so, ya. On the other hand, I hope all of you who did get to experience the awesomeness that was a Starbucks, the untold stories... blog dealio will remember them fondly. Until the next blog... see ya.

The Events of "Factor X"

*Originally Posted March, 2006*

Hello to everyone out there... on your computer... reading this. Maybe aloud, or perhaps to yourself... or maybe even to your pet fish, Pepper. Whichever the case, I hope you enjoy... and stuff.

Alright so I know you are all wondering what the "Factor X" stands for, and I'll bet some of you bright individuals have already guessed it... It's Starbucks but of course! I just thought I'd get a bit fancy on you, to keep you on your toes...

So, things at Starbucks in the last couple of weeks have been interesting, interesting indeed. In the last few weeks we've had a few people quit, a couple people move, one guy get married...and one person that got abducted by aliens...plaid aliens. (Ok, maybe not the last one, but the rest of them really happened.) My point is that a lot of people have left, leaving us a bit short handed. So my boss went on a quest, if you will, to find us some new Starbucks employee's... But being short handed has meant more hours for me so I haven't minded too much. So I was like a quest? why go on a quest? why don't you just sit back, and take a load off... In fact, here's some jelly donuts. But that didn't work. So he hired some new people...

Ahh, I had almost forgotten what it was like to be so new... so naive... so... well, not good. Anyway, because there will be a new store soon (classified information as to where) we have been training people like a mad person(s)! I'm telling you, there's someone I haven't met before in the store like everyday! I come in, I'm like, "Who are you?" and they're like, "I'm new, I work here." So you give that look like... "Well, I've been here a while... so, ya. You better recognize..." and they're all like... "Ooo, he's been here a while, I better recognize..." but really there are some cool people that have started... it's just a change, and change is... well, change. And you have to deal with it. So, I guess I'll deal with it... where's my shotgun?...j/k. Alright, well, that's it for now check back for more later.

Jerks and Headaches...Their Common Thread

*Originally Posted February, 2006*

Hello to all! Well, it would seem at long last the sun has graced us with its presence... and I for one thank it for doing so. (I just thought I'd throw that in here). I'm pretty sure you don't care, but whatever, there it is... So I know you're all wondering what do jerks and headaches have in common? And don't worry, I'm not going to leave you hanging... I mean come on, it's me. Sadly, I am the common thread that pieces these things together. I don't know if it's because of the snow, or if people lately just wake up and think, "Gee, I think I'll be a huge jerk-face today!" But whatever the case is, they have been jerks.

Aright so... Today I needed some stuff from the store, and I needed to put my checks in the bank. So I went to the Piggly Wiggly (a local supermarket that's known for bring run down), in the name of convenience... All because it's across the street from my bank. Let me tell you this now... never shop there! For one: Everything is WAY over priced! I mean if you like throwing your money in a trash bag, by all means shop there! But if you don't...run, run vary far away from the Piggly Wiggly... For two: When I get to the check out, the cashier is a "bundle of joy"...which is kinda funny because her name was actually "Joy". lol...

Anyways, I was trying to buy some frozen entree type deals that were on sale for 88 cents each... But when they rung up I saw that they were ringing up at $1.76.

So I politely tell Joy, "Excuse me miss, these (pointing to my frozen entrees) were on sale for 88 cents."

Joy quickly states, "No, that's only on the dinners! ...And you didn't get the dinners!"

Well, there happened to be a huge poster in the window next to us that clearly stated the sale price right on it... So I proceed to tell her, "No, ma'am it says these (once again pointing to my entrees) are on sale, see." ...and I pointed to the sign in the window.

She goes crazy! "I'm telling you sir! These are NOT the ones on sale!"

A manager quickly comes over, and after some random crap from Joy... looks at the poster in the window and states, "Joy, I believe the customer is right."

To which she goes even more crazy, "Why the hell did you put me on register anyway! Huh?!"

He exasperatingly replied, "You know, I'm not sure."

He quickly apologized for her behavior (even though she was still standing right there), and asked if I was satisfied with the outcome.

I thought about saying, "only if you fire her"...But I didn't. I said, "yes"

I then went on my marry way... But let me tell you, that's the last time I go there! Sheesh!

That brings us to later in the day... I'm on my way to work (and I might throw in that I'm on pace to be early), and I'm mosey-ing down the Broadway Extension (a local highway in Oklahoma City) when things come to a complete halt! I mean we're not even close to the construction that's going on up ahead, so I don't why the heck these morons aren't moving... Minutes, and minutes pass by, and we barely move! So I get off at the first exit I come to, in hopes that I can still get to work on time. Oh, but that's just too much to ask I guess... Not only did I hit almost every red light, but I think I got stuck behind every crap face in the metro area!

So I finally get to work... late! (which I'm never late, so it ticked me off a bit) So the night goes on...Things finally get better, my mood improves and so on and so forth. Then it happens... I bend down to pick up some loose change on the floor, and when I get up I hit my head really hard on the corner of the register! I thought I was fine, and started to walk it off... Then I got really light headed... I leaned against the counter, then one of my co-workers got me a chair to sit on... After a while I was good again... Well, with the exception of two things... One, I had a giant headache. and two, I couldn't remember certain things. I, for one, thought I was AdamSandler... So that was my first idea that something might be wrong... For two, I started answering the drive-thru, "Hi welcome to.... umm ... wherever you are". So then I was almost certain something was wrong...Then I couldn't remember the name of the regular that had just come in... Which was weird because I just called her by her name not even 5 minutes ago. Then the roof started caving in, and Ziggy Stardust came through singing "Suffragette City"! And... ok, ok, just kidding on that last part. Finally, my co-workers came to the conclusion that I had gotten a case of selected amnesia...You know though... I still can't think of that ladies name... It's driving me nuts! Well, whatever...

It's Just Another Day...

*Originally Posted February, 2006*

Hello people of the internet! So I will pick up where I left off... Valentine's Day. So... I spent my Valentine's Day doing number nine on my list, and I must admit I enjoyed hearing the sound of children crying, and grown men screaming, "My legs, I can't feel my legs!!"...ok, I'm j/k. Actually it was spent working... all day. Yep it's true, the only free time I had was spent writing on here posting this. But it was worth it...

Anyway, at my photography job things were crazy! And by crazy, I mean...umm...well, crazy! We had so many appointments that we were turning people away! I got kind of scared too, because some of the people who got turned away didn't look too happy... and by me saying they didn't look too happy...Umm, well... how can I put this? Aw, I know. I mean they looked like they were going to get their Uzi and shoot the ever living crap out of us. But I mean what can you expect when you're trying to make an appointment for later that day? I mean the nerve... It was Valentine's Day! You know, come to think of it they were lucky I wasn't pulling out my Uzi and shooting the ever living crap out of them! ...*ahem* Anyway, I tried my best to make the peoples' kids that came in look as beautiful as possible, but since some of them needed a rather large spanking on the hind quarters it was impossible... So to get back at those kids I didn't give them a happy face sticker, ha! I showed those little kids! *ahem* Ya, so then that job was over... and I left.

Later I was off to Starbucks... I had recently seen the new Pink Panther movie with Steve Martin, and had a french accent stuck in my head. So I found it irresistible to talk with a french accent... all night. Unsuspecting drive-thru-ers were greeted with, (what I thought) was a pleasant french voice. Which most people enjoyed, some hated with a passion... and still a few yet that couldn't understand what in the world I was saying. A couple of times I slipped into my Irish accent, and found that quite enjoyable too. In fact one lady, in like her 30's, thought it was my real voice and asked...

Lady: "Which part of Ireland did you grow up in?"

Me: (In a thick Irish accent) "I grew up in the fine region of Tucson... Arizona." Then I start talking normal...

She cracks up and says, "You should be an actor!"

I said, "I am!"

She continues, "Well good, because you should be!"

I finish with, "Thank you."

...and they drove off. Probably to see the wizard... the wonderful wizard of Oz... or something like that.

Events of Gibberish in the Life of Ben

*Originally Posted February, 2006*

Hello to all, I hope this post finds you doing well, or close to well....or not dead (you should be one of those). So it would seem that my life has been somewhat full this week. Full of stuff, things...events some might even call them. It all started with the fateful death of my little cell phone and went on down from there... You see my phone died on the 28th of Jan., but I wasn't eligible for a new phone until Feb. 1st... So I had to rough it without communication to the outside world for what seemed like 10 years... Now I know what the Dark Ages were like...people talking into paper cups with string attached to the end of another paper cup. And you're all like...that's really awesome I can sort of hear you, but in reality it sucks and all you hear is a sound that somewhat sounds like Scooby-Doo...."Rye rink rhis is rwesome, rye can rear you"...yep, it must of been tragic times alright.

Anyways, after the few days without a cell phone I went to a cell phone place, and got a phone... boy do I love to spend money on cell phones(he says sarcastically). I hate cell phone companies. So after dropping a considerable amount of dough at the cell phone place I went to get the oil changed in my car. I had a coupon so it was a good deal (yes, I finally remembered to use one of those darn coupons that I'm always buying from people, boo-ya for me!). But I should have known that the spending money part of my day was far from over. When I got back to pick up my car they said that a belt of importance was going to break soon, and would take other stuff of importance with it when it went. Oh, and would most likely leave me stranded where I was. Well, when you put it that way I better fix it... So there went more dough... a lot more dough. I think I was on the verge of shooting someone. So I came home and did the next best thing... killed people online. (in a game, for those of you who got that worried look on your face as you read that last sentence) Thus ending what seemed like a day straight from Hell...

Then the weekend came... After dealing with customers that treat you worse than the gum on their shoe, and bosses that are self-centered... and more of that other stuff I said... the weekend finally came upon me. It started last night, and pretty much ended there too, but whatever. Anyway, so I went over to Tim and Jesse's house with a junk load of people to watch a movie. We ended up watching "Just Like Heaven" with Reese Witherspoon, some dude and Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) it wasn't bad...I mean Jon Heder was funny... So ya, good times? Still working on that...

So today I originally had requested off, but ye ole' Starbucks didn't let me have it off, so I gave my shift away. Then like an idiot I took someone else's shift in an earlier time... stupid, stupid, stupid! Head... hit... keyboard. So it started with me teaching a girl that's been there 6 weeks to do the bar... Which she should have already learned... a long time ago! So I'm just standing there painfully watching her try to do bar... and teaching her. Then of course we get swamped, I take over get us caught up, then we try again. She finally gets the hang of it... and the peasants rejoiced... big time.

So finally I ask the boss on duty if I could go. Just when I was about to till out and go home, the girl I had been training gets sick and starts throwing up, or tossing her cookies, bowing to the white throne... or whatever you want to call it. Then within two minutes of that, the guy that was supposed to be there in like 3 minutes calls and says he'll be late! So... 30 min later I finally get to till out and leave, but wait! The boss that finally gave me release to go is counting his till! So why don't I wait some more!!! I don't have a life, really! I mean for the love of donuts. Anyway I finally got to leave, and now I hope that my weekend will take a turn for the better with Ali's Super Bowl Party tonight... well, ok...until next time...bye.

Life... and Stuff

*Originally Posted January, 2006*

Ok, so... it seems for the most part that serious posts are a bust around here... So, I'm going back to my attempt at comedy, beware. So, ya...I kicked off the good ol' weekend by, well...working. It was jeans day, which only comes once a month at Starbucks... so it's kind of the highlight of the month for some Starbucks employees (As sad as that may be). As it was jean day (like I said above), and since it is such a big deal (also, like mentioned above), people brought good stuff to eat... like cookies, home-made cup cakes, store bought cup cakes, and one of those little vegetable sampler things that have ranch in the middle. But, to my extreme dismay there were almost no more little vegetable sampler things left by the time I got my turn to get some. So I picked up a couple of little straggling carrots...ate them dry (because they hogged all the ranch). Then grabbed a couple of cup cakes and bolted on my ten minute break. To where I ate them both with no remorse for taking more then one. Ha, I showed them! Other then that the day at Starbucks went well. I said some words to customers...no, really. What do you except me to do? Sign their order back to them over the drive-thru speaker...gosh! And the day finally came to an end.

After work I went over to Tim and Jesse's house for what was promised to be a night of fun for all... right. A: Never trust Tim when he says that. B: umm... Never trust Tim when he says that. So, when I showed up they were in the middle of watching a movie entitled, "Meet the Browns" which I found quite funny I must admit. After the movie, I felt the feeling you get when your stomach is so empty that it's eating the body fat you have, which for me there is none...so it was very important that I get some food in my body pronto! So Kelsi, Gretchen, Susie (Some girls I know... they are of little importance to this story), and I went to get some food for ourselves...(because the guys had already ate without us) Mmm...Taco Bell never gets old. Alright, so when we get back there's this big box with stuff in it, lying right in the middle of the floor...When we inquired about what the box was; we were told it contained a desk that needed assembled. Yes, the party was nothing more then a clever way to get free help to put together a stupid computer desk...that's low. "A night of fun for all"... very low indeed. What's more is most everyone didn't even help us! They sat on their butts telling us, "No that's wrong, you need to put it this way"...I almost said if you want it that way get your behind down here and do it yourself, punk....face. The night continued this way until the end when we at last finished the desk...which took quite a while because the only people working on it were Kelsi, Gretchen, JT, and I. But we won't go into that...Well, I'm getting a bit tired so I best be off to bed...check back for more soon.

Starbucks, the Untold Stories... Part 4

*Editor's Note*

In January, 2006 the last "Starbucks, the Untold Stories" blog was posted. Even though I never told anyone what location I worked at, or the real names of any of my co-workers. I was sat down by my boss, who had a copy of all my blogs (yes, Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON face), and was told, quote, "If I wanted to continue to be employed by Starbucks I would delete the blogs immediately and post no further blogs of this nature". I was also told that my site would be watched by corporate for the next month. Just to make sure I was complying... Just a little sketchy huh? Oh the price we pay for art.
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Well hello again. After the long and painful wait…of waiting. A new Starbucks blog dealio has been created for you, the public!…or private…(I guess that would depend on where you are sitting and/or standing when you read this…) *Ahem*…Anyways, this time around it’s all about the stories…of the customers…and the co-workers… and co-workers that happen to be in the stories with the customers. Like in the first three parts of this blog saga, be prepared to read about stuff…crazy stuff. Stuff that you thought only happened at IHOP at 2am in the morning… (you hear *gasps* in the background) And the craziest part is…they’re all true...I promise. So… sit back, take off your shoes (if you’re wearing shoes)… and be prepared to chuckle… to yourself…moderately. As before the disclaimer below is there to protect the identities of the dumb, dimwitted, and the down right stupid…Not to mention the smart, nice, and really, really good looking cool people… so read it. And without further ado I present to you, “Starbucks, the untold stories…Part 4”

DISCLAIMER

The following customers and co-workers identities in the following stories below have been changed to pretty much keep Ben from getting fired, and to keep from hurting the feelings of his fellow co-workers should they find this material offense, and know it’s about them… But if that’s not good enough for you…The following names below have been changed to protect the people we loosely call customers, and the people I call co-worker, friend, and bip. (Bip: A French word meaning roughly good…j/k)

Man of Action?

Now I haven’t quite figured out why, but I have found that people persist on being in a big fat hurry where ever they’re going… It doesn’t matter if they’re on their way to work, on their way to school, on their way to prison…they’re in a hurry, and they want their drink yesterday! Oh, and they’ll make you aware of that fact too, “ Hey buddy! I’m on my way to work, could you speed it up a bit?! I’m running late!” Well, for one: two words. leave sooner… then you won’t be late. Second: umm…well, no… I can’t go faster. So…just sit in your car and… wait… patiently… because crapping at me will do you no good. Another one of my pet-peeves are the people that can’t wait two seconds for you to take their money…no, they have to put it on the little ledge thingy and roll up their window before you can talk to them, because you know all Starbucks employees have a certain decease that if you talk to them for two seconds or more your face will fall off, or you’ll catch “The Ugly”… Now, when customers try to pull such a deed on me I do not allow it to go on. I simply just look at the customer, then I look at the bill (like it has a decease) and wait for the customer to roll that BMW window down and talk to me. Usually I get some dirty looks but it works…But sometimes a bill will… well…shall I say, “spread it’s tiny wings and fly away”…I mean what did they except? It’s Oklahoma, there’s wind. Now if they ask me, I will go around and retrieve their poor wind blown bill, but if they don’t…I won’t.

So that brings us to the story at hand for the title “Man of Action?”… This particular event happened earlier in my career at Starbucks…I remember it well… It was a busy, sunny, weekday morning. I was running register in the drive-thru. The next person in line drove up to the window and pleasantly handed me his debit card…But I dropped it! I told him I would get it…but I didn’t have time to run all the way around the building…that would have taken too much time! And I couldn’t let him get it, I mean after all it was my fault it happened! So, without much thinking I did the only thing I saw fit to do… dive… out the window. With my top half near the pavement, and my bottom half still in the window I tried with great passion to reach the card I had dropped…finally I reached the card! Just one thing, the sharpie that was on my apron fell off…farther under the car then the card did…I reached, and reached and finally got it!…I felt myself slipping. I turned around to find out not only am I half way under the guy’s car…but that I’m more then 80% out of the window. I tried to push myself back up, but it was no use…I was stuck. I tried calling for someone to hoist me back up, but obviously not anyone had noticed an entire employee not in the building anymore. After seconds, that seemed like minutes… the guy in the car called out to the Gentle Giant saying, “Man over board! Man over board!” …no joke. The Gentle Giant then hoisted me back up and all was well again in the realm of Starbucks. Well, except for the fact that everyone was laughing at the mental picture of me hanging out of the drive-thru window during the rush-hour rush…Oh well, what can you do, right?

The Man with the Iced Venti Americano

Like I stated in the aforementioned story above, people are in a hurry… no matter what time it is, no matter what day it is…And this goes for the café too. Not as often as the drive-thru, but believe me their there. As such, a Starbucks employee gets used to the demands of the hurrying customer; and tries to get them on their way as quickly as they can. With that said let us dive in to our story.

It was one slower afternoon…I was running the bar in the café when a gentleman entered the premise in a flurry of hastiness! He came quickly up to the counter and ordered an, “Iced Venti Americano, to go!”… So I made his drink as speedily as I could and handed it to him. Now usually when a person comes in, in that big of hurry they b-line it for the door as soon as they receive their beverage. But for some strange reason after he received his dink he made no effort to go. Instead, he moseyed on by the coffee beans rack and started looking at the whole bean coffee…Now I don’t have a problem with people looking at the whole bean coffee, but when you come in as fast as he did and tell me, “I want a Iced Venti Americano, to go!” something isn’t right in the state of Denmark…

So, real incognito like I watched the guy while I pretended to be making a drink…I kept this up for several seconds while the man conspicuously browsed the coffee…He then looked left, then right, then left again...Then all of a sudden…He grabbed an arm full of whole bean coffee and sprinted toward the door! Without thinking I bolted after him! I thought about leaping over the counter, but that thought didn’t go very far, so I ran as fast as I could around the counter toward the front door! In mid dash I passed by the Assistant Store Manager…she was giving me a very strange look, probably due to the fact that I was running like a mad man…So as I passed by I said, “I’m chasing a shoplifter!” and bolted passed. As I made it outside… it turns out The Coffee Master was right behind me in my pursuit, and dashed through the front door a couple of seconds after me…I looked to the left, then to the right…I had lost him. The Coffee Master said, “You go right, I’ll go left.”…so I did…because he’s The Coffee Master… and you do what The Coffee Master says, dang it. I looked to the right but there was no sign of him.

A few moments later The Coffee Master came back holding the would-be stolen coffee. Now, I’d like to tell you that there was a big fight and The Coffee Master was forced to break into some sweet Matrixy kung-fu action…but sadly that wasn’t the case...the truth is, he found the guy in his SUV, walked up to him and said, “Excuse me sir, do you happen to have a receipt I could look at for that coffee over on the passenger seat?” The guy then replied, “Oh… I must of forgotten to pay for those. You can take them.” I’m sure The Coffee Master wanted to say…Oh, gee thanks, that’s real nice of you… since it’s our coffee, jerk face!...but he didn’t. After the ordeal was all said and done, both The Coffee Master and I wondered if it was really worth the risk we took to retrieve the 3 lbs of whole bean coffee…After thinking about it for a few moments we both looked at each other and almost instantaneously come to the same conclusion…Nope, wasn’t worth it.

The Money’s Always Realer…

Now to all those who are reading this…I don’t know where you work at (or if you even work at all)… But it has been my experience that when a customer gives you a $20 bill or higher, and you check it to make sure it’s real; they are almost insulted at the very thought of you thinking that they might be a crook…but hey, I have to do my job right? right. So get over it…because we all know that people who drive nice cars can be crooks too! Ya, that’s right buddy... That brings us to the story at hand.

Now, I receive what feels like a trillion bills of tender on any-givin’ typical day on register…especially when I’m on drive-thru. As such, one gets well acquainted with his, well…money. You know… the look, the feel… of cotton-- I mean cash…*Ahem*… Anyway, one normal day (and I dare you to define “normal”) while I was doing drive-thru, a man drove up and politely paid for his drink with a $20 bill…Now, there’s nothing unusual about a man paying for his drink with a $20 bill… So I took the bill, but it felt a bit strange. I looked down to notice that it was an older $20 bill…I held it up to the light to look for the security thread that is placed in the bill…but there was one little snafu…it wasn’t there! The bill was a counterfeit! So, I broke the news to the man as politely as I could…To my surprise, like it was no big deal, he said “What? Really? You’re kidding?”. I said, “No sir, I’m not kidding…see, (I showed him the bill) no security thread…” He then reached into his wallet and pulled out another $20 bill, and said, “I wonder if this one fake too?” and then handed it to me…I mean come on, for the love of doughnuts…you can’t check it yourself? Anyway, I took the bill and held it up to the light… it too was indeed counterfeit… He then replied (in the same tone as before), “wow, that’s crazy, I just got these from the bank.”.

Now, up until this point I truly believed that he was the victim of getting some counterfeit bills…but after that statement I just looked at him like, ok buddy what are you trying to pull?…sure you got those bills from a bank. I mean banks are always letting counterfeit bills slip right passed their security. Give me a break! Did he think I was born yesterday? Alright I’m done ranting, back to the story… Obviously after that statement I was a bit suspicious... Well, more then a bit… So I took the $20 bill and passed it around to everyone, let them see it, and pointed out why it was fake…then, like a dummy I gave it back to him!…why, you ask? Because…well…umm…I don’t really know...But anyway, he still needed to pay for his beverage…so, he pulls out a $100 bill, and before he could even possibly know it was real or counterfeit he stated, “Here, I know this one’s real.” I looked at it. It was indeed real…

Now I ask you, how in the world did he know that that bill was real without looking at it? ...unless he knew the other bills were fake? (some kind of bum, bum, bum music plays in the background)… Hmm, very interesting wouldn’t you say?…So finally the drink came out and the man, driving a rather nice car, left… I decided it would be a good idea to get the license plate number…So as he left I looked at the plate…The guy had personal license plate… Now I don’t know why it surprised me, but it was “AMEN 1”…go figure. I should have known that it was some religious zealot...I’ll bet he’s one of those guys that beats up his dog then somehow says, that’s God will …what a jerkateer! Now some of you might be saying… Ben, you just gave us his license plate number…you can’t do that, that’s evidence… But I’m not giving away evidence, because you would have to say what state it was from, and I sure didn’t say what state it was from, OK!...gosh!