Starbucks, the Untold Stories... Part 4

*Editor's Note*

In January, 2006 the last "Starbucks, the Untold Stories" blog was posted. Even though I never told anyone what location I worked at, or the real names of any of my co-workers. I was sat down by my boss, who had a copy of all my blogs (yes, Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON face), and was told, quote, "If I wanted to continue to be employed by Starbucks I would delete the blogs immediately and post no further blogs of this nature". I was also told that my site would be watched by corporate for the next month. Just to make sure I was complying... Just a little sketchy huh? Oh the price we pay for art.
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Well hello again. After the long and painful wait…of waiting. A new Starbucks blog dealio has been created for you, the public!…or private…(I guess that would depend on where you are sitting and/or standing when you read this…) *Ahem*…Anyways, this time around it’s all about the stories…of the customers…and the co-workers… and co-workers that happen to be in the stories with the customers. Like in the first three parts of this blog saga, be prepared to read about stuff…crazy stuff. Stuff that you thought only happened at IHOP at 2am in the morning… (you hear *gasps* in the background) And the craziest part is…they’re all true...I promise. So… sit back, take off your shoes (if you’re wearing shoes)… and be prepared to chuckle… to yourself…moderately. As before the disclaimer below is there to protect the identities of the dumb, dimwitted, and the down right stupid…Not to mention the smart, nice, and really, really good looking cool people… so read it. And without further ado I present to you, “Starbucks, the untold stories…Part 4”

DISCLAIMER

The following customers and co-workers identities in the following stories below have been changed to pretty much keep Ben from getting fired, and to keep from hurting the feelings of his fellow co-workers should they find this material offense, and know it’s about them… But if that’s not good enough for you…The following names below have been changed to protect the people we loosely call customers, and the people I call co-worker, friend, and bip. (Bip: A French word meaning roughly good…j/k)

Man of Action?

Now I haven’t quite figured out why, but I have found that people persist on being in a big fat hurry where ever they’re going… It doesn’t matter if they’re on their way to work, on their way to school, on their way to prison…they’re in a hurry, and they want their drink yesterday! Oh, and they’ll make you aware of that fact too, “ Hey buddy! I’m on my way to work, could you speed it up a bit?! I’m running late!” Well, for one: two words. leave sooner… then you won’t be late. Second: umm…well, no… I can’t go faster. So…just sit in your car and… wait… patiently… because crapping at me will do you no good. Another one of my pet-peeves are the people that can’t wait two seconds for you to take their money…no, they have to put it on the little ledge thingy and roll up their window before you can talk to them, because you know all Starbucks employees have a certain decease that if you talk to them for two seconds or more your face will fall off, or you’ll catch “The Ugly”… Now, when customers try to pull such a deed on me I do not allow it to go on. I simply just look at the customer, then I look at the bill (like it has a decease) and wait for the customer to roll that BMW window down and talk to me. Usually I get some dirty looks but it works…But sometimes a bill will… well…shall I say, “spread it’s tiny wings and fly away”…I mean what did they except? It’s Oklahoma, there’s wind. Now if they ask me, I will go around and retrieve their poor wind blown bill, but if they don’t…I won’t.

So that brings us to the story at hand for the title “Man of Action?”… This particular event happened earlier in my career at Starbucks…I remember it well… It was a busy, sunny, weekday morning. I was running register in the drive-thru. The next person in line drove up to the window and pleasantly handed me his debit card…But I dropped it! I told him I would get it…but I didn’t have time to run all the way around the building…that would have taken too much time! And I couldn’t let him get it, I mean after all it was my fault it happened! So, without much thinking I did the only thing I saw fit to do… dive… out the window. With my top half near the pavement, and my bottom half still in the window I tried with great passion to reach the card I had dropped…finally I reached the card! Just one thing, the sharpie that was on my apron fell off…farther under the car then the card did…I reached, and reached and finally got it!…I felt myself slipping. I turned around to find out not only am I half way under the guy’s car…but that I’m more then 80% out of the window. I tried to push myself back up, but it was no use…I was stuck. I tried calling for someone to hoist me back up, but obviously not anyone had noticed an entire employee not in the building anymore. After seconds, that seemed like minutes… the guy in the car called out to the Gentle Giant saying, “Man over board! Man over board!” …no joke. The Gentle Giant then hoisted me back up and all was well again in the realm of Starbucks. Well, except for the fact that everyone was laughing at the mental picture of me hanging out of the drive-thru window during the rush-hour rush…Oh well, what can you do, right?

The Man with the Iced Venti Americano

Like I stated in the aforementioned story above, people are in a hurry… no matter what time it is, no matter what day it is…And this goes for the café too. Not as often as the drive-thru, but believe me their there. As such, a Starbucks employee gets used to the demands of the hurrying customer; and tries to get them on their way as quickly as they can. With that said let us dive in to our story.

It was one slower afternoon…I was running the bar in the café when a gentleman entered the premise in a flurry of hastiness! He came quickly up to the counter and ordered an, “Iced Venti Americano, to go!”… So I made his drink as speedily as I could and handed it to him. Now usually when a person comes in, in that big of hurry they b-line it for the door as soon as they receive their beverage. But for some strange reason after he received his dink he made no effort to go. Instead, he moseyed on by the coffee beans rack and started looking at the whole bean coffee…Now I don’t have a problem with people looking at the whole bean coffee, but when you come in as fast as he did and tell me, “I want a Iced Venti Americano, to go!” something isn’t right in the state of Denmark…

So, real incognito like I watched the guy while I pretended to be making a drink…I kept this up for several seconds while the man conspicuously browsed the coffee…He then looked left, then right, then left again...Then all of a sudden…He grabbed an arm full of whole bean coffee and sprinted toward the door! Without thinking I bolted after him! I thought about leaping over the counter, but that thought didn’t go very far, so I ran as fast as I could around the counter toward the front door! In mid dash I passed by the Assistant Store Manager…she was giving me a very strange look, probably due to the fact that I was running like a mad man…So as I passed by I said, “I’m chasing a shoplifter!” and bolted passed. As I made it outside… it turns out The Coffee Master was right behind me in my pursuit, and dashed through the front door a couple of seconds after me…I looked to the left, then to the right…I had lost him. The Coffee Master said, “You go right, I’ll go left.”…so I did…because he’s The Coffee Master… and you do what The Coffee Master says, dang it. I looked to the right but there was no sign of him.

A few moments later The Coffee Master came back holding the would-be stolen coffee. Now, I’d like to tell you that there was a big fight and The Coffee Master was forced to break into some sweet Matrixy kung-fu action…but sadly that wasn’t the case...the truth is, he found the guy in his SUV, walked up to him and said, “Excuse me sir, do you happen to have a receipt I could look at for that coffee over on the passenger seat?” The guy then replied, “Oh… I must of forgotten to pay for those. You can take them.” I’m sure The Coffee Master wanted to say…Oh, gee thanks, that’s real nice of you… since it’s our coffee, jerk face!...but he didn’t. After the ordeal was all said and done, both The Coffee Master and I wondered if it was really worth the risk we took to retrieve the 3 lbs of whole bean coffee…After thinking about it for a few moments we both looked at each other and almost instantaneously come to the same conclusion…Nope, wasn’t worth it.

The Money’s Always Realer…

Now to all those who are reading this…I don’t know where you work at (or if you even work at all)… But it has been my experience that when a customer gives you a $20 bill or higher, and you check it to make sure it’s real; they are almost insulted at the very thought of you thinking that they might be a crook…but hey, I have to do my job right? right. So get over it…because we all know that people who drive nice cars can be crooks too! Ya, that’s right buddy... That brings us to the story at hand.

Now, I receive what feels like a trillion bills of tender on any-givin’ typical day on register…especially when I’m on drive-thru. As such, one gets well acquainted with his, well…money. You know… the look, the feel… of cotton-- I mean cash…*Ahem*… Anyway, one normal day (and I dare you to define “normal”) while I was doing drive-thru, a man drove up and politely paid for his drink with a $20 bill…Now, there’s nothing unusual about a man paying for his drink with a $20 bill… So I took the bill, but it felt a bit strange. I looked down to notice that it was an older $20 bill…I held it up to the light to look for the security thread that is placed in the bill…but there was one little snafu…it wasn’t there! The bill was a counterfeit! So, I broke the news to the man as politely as I could…To my surprise, like it was no big deal, he said “What? Really? You’re kidding?”. I said, “No sir, I’m not kidding…see, (I showed him the bill) no security thread…” He then reached into his wallet and pulled out another $20 bill, and said, “I wonder if this one fake too?” and then handed it to me…I mean come on, for the love of doughnuts…you can’t check it yourself? Anyway, I took the bill and held it up to the light… it too was indeed counterfeit… He then replied (in the same tone as before), “wow, that’s crazy, I just got these from the bank.”.

Now, up until this point I truly believed that he was the victim of getting some counterfeit bills…but after that statement I just looked at him like, ok buddy what are you trying to pull?…sure you got those bills from a bank. I mean banks are always letting counterfeit bills slip right passed their security. Give me a break! Did he think I was born yesterday? Alright I’m done ranting, back to the story… Obviously after that statement I was a bit suspicious... Well, more then a bit… So I took the $20 bill and passed it around to everyone, let them see it, and pointed out why it was fake…then, like a dummy I gave it back to him!…why, you ask? Because…well…umm…I don’t really know...But anyway, he still needed to pay for his beverage…so, he pulls out a $100 bill, and before he could even possibly know it was real or counterfeit he stated, “Here, I know this one’s real.” I looked at it. It was indeed real…

Now I ask you, how in the world did he know that that bill was real without looking at it? ...unless he knew the other bills were fake? (some kind of bum, bum, bum music plays in the background)… Hmm, very interesting wouldn’t you say?…So finally the drink came out and the man, driving a rather nice car, left… I decided it would be a good idea to get the license plate number…So as he left I looked at the plate…The guy had personal license plate… Now I don’t know why it surprised me, but it was “AMEN 1”…go figure. I should have known that it was some religious zealot...I’ll bet he’s one of those guys that beats up his dog then somehow says, that’s God will …what a jerkateer! Now some of you might be saying… Ben, you just gave us his license plate number…you can’t do that, that’s evidence… But I’m not giving away evidence, because you would have to say what state it was from, and I sure didn’t say what state it was from, OK!...gosh!

Starbucks, the Untold Stories... Part 3

*Editor's Note*

Looking back on these blogs it's hard to believe, but back in December, 2005 these, "Starbucks, the Untold Stories" blog dealios were the talk of a town... no really. So much buzz surrounded this blog in particular that random people started coming in to my store to see if they could guess which co-worker was who (From what I wrote in the blog). Little did I know at the time that this was the beginning of the end for the 'Starbucks' blog series. In fact, a couple of months later I would be forced to take them off the internet for "employee safety", but since it's 4 years later now, and no one from this post works there anymore I figure it's all good.

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Hello again everyone! That’s right after months of anticipation it’s finally here! Part 3 of the “Starbucks, the untold stories” blog dealio. As in part 2 it’s still all about the co-workers… that’s right more juicy gossip, unbelievable rumors, and… stuff like the first two things I said. So sit back, relax, pop a bag of popcorn and read…”Starbucks, the untold stories Part 3… The disclaimer below is there because if you do seem to recognize the people at Starbucks from this blog, you won’t know their real name, and if they read this they’ll be like, “Well, that’s not my name, so that must not be me”…. or so I hope.

DISCLAIMER

The names below have been changed to protect the dumb, dimwitted, and down right stupid….Not to mention the nice, smart, and really, really good looking cool people. Otherwise from the names being changed, the descriptions below are pretty darn accurate… Starbucks does not necessarily concur with the views or statements below….So don’t sue them…. And now, without further ado…The other co-workers.

Smart Guy Face

First, we'll talk about Smart Guy Face, we'll call him that because he looks pretty smart with his glasses…on his face… heck, I’ll bet he really is smart...Anyway, Smart Guy Face, as well as a few others started the same day as I did. He’s one of those guys that if you called him nasty names, insulted his dog, called him…more nasty names…he’s never going to get mad. He’ll just look at you like he looks at people that do that kind of stuff to him… and by the face that he’s giving you, you know you’ve done wrong…The thing with him though is, almost nobody knows how old he is…(Twilight Zone music plays) It’s like a huge mystery that most of the co-workers can’t get out of him. He looks about 23 or 24, but rumors fly about him possibly being as old as 30….I know how old he is, but I’m sure not going to be the one who breaks this bubble…Oh the scandals of Starbucks…Other then that he’s a stand up guy, because he’s sure not sitting….Ok, ok, I know cheesy…what I meant was there’s no dirt on him….Ohh, you know what I mean.

Mood Ring Girl

Ok, next is Mood Ring Girl, we’ll call her that because her moods are like the Oklahoma weather, if you don’t like the one she’s in… wait fifteen minutes it will change. Working with Mood Ring Girl (who also started the same day as I did) can be somewhat of an adventure sometimes… Though she’s nice most of the time, in the midst of rushes sometimes she can get a bit….well…moody (go figure). Also, until recently I was a nerd to her…How do I know this? Because she told me, “You’re such a nerd!” It doesn’t get too much clearer than that…What changed this cynical view of me you ask? Me… doing the robot…yep…seriously…I kid you not. And to think, I thought I was pushing myself off the edge of nerd-dome… So now what am I to her? A cool nerd! ya, baby! I’ve upgraded…Well, that will do it for Mood Ring Girl…

Short Cuppin’ Cakes

Alrighty then, moving right along…Next is Short Cuppin’ Cakes, we’ll call her that because (a) she’s short (b) she’s pretty sweet…like a cup cake…or whatever. Ok, so Short Cuppin’ Cakes is put on the “bar” frequently, why we’re not quite sure …We think the boss needs a good laugh so he puts her there…why is it funny? Because she is shorter than most everyone else there, and it’s hard for her to reach certain things…So, well she’s trying to put the beans in the machine she’s like on her tip toes…You’re like, “don’t lose your balance”…I know that‘s mean… She should take some ballet classes…heck, thanks to this job she could probably start at an advanced level…Other then that she really just wants to be at home with her husband…and I can respect that.

The Gentle Giant

Next on the agenda is The Gentle Giant, we’ll call him that because he’s like 6’5”, big (muscular, not fat), and he’s not mean. (which is a good thing) One thing’s for sure though…he can cook….on the bar! (making coffee drinks, not like chicken or steak) I would say he’s the 2^nd fastest bar in all of the Midwest Region Starbucks, in the central part of the Oklahoma City area, Across from hospitals. Yep, not bad at all… And no, for all those of you wondering… I am not number one…don’t cry… Sadly The Gentle Giant will be leaving us soon, leaving a tremendous vacancy at our Starbucks…Get it? He’s the Gentle “Giant” and he’s going to leave a tremendous vacancy?....Oh, forget it.

Drama King

Ok, next we come to the Drama King. I call him that because he’s an actor, and at times he’s just a plain drama king…To understand Drama King, we first have to know the Drama King… First off, it seems he never gets to do café; they stick him in the drive-thru every time to fend for himself…why they do this is beyond me because he doesn’t really like doing drive-thru…or the people that come through it…of course he doesn’t really like a lot of things about Starbucks, as he will let you know… At times there are crazy drive thru-ers which he just can’t handle…(which would be about one out of every three customers for him) In which he doesn’t handle in the best way… Let me tell you, you do one thing that he thinks is not…kosher…then he’ll just give you the finger as you leave…or maybe utter a nasty phrase or word at you…most of which you will never know, but for me and the other co-workers watching him it can be at times funny, and at other times…well…not-so-funny. He’s just the kind of guy you have to take with a grain of salt…

The Nice Guy

Okie-dokie next is The Nice Guy. Why do I call him The Nice Guy you ask? Because he’s the guy your mom would probably let you go out with (if you’re a girl that is, if you’re a guy…he doesn’t swing that way). He not the best at what he does, but then again…he’s not the worst…So I guess you could say that The Nice Guy is your nice and average Starbucks partner… But there is a quality he has that sets him apart from the others…what is this quality you ask? (yes, I know I assume you people ask a lot of questions, but whatever…) Well… he taught me the fine art of killing flies with a rubber band of course! How do you do it you ask? Well, you take a rubber band and--…well you--…well, it’s hard to explain…but I can tell you it’s a great pass-time! In fact I think they should add it to the Summer Olympics, but that’s just me…

Miss Lazy Pants

Alright, Miss Lazy Pants is next. Why do I call her Miss Lazy Pants… I think you can figure this one out by yourself…Now don’t get me wrong, I think she is a nice person and all, but she has the fine (or not-so-fine) art of looking like she’s working, but she’s really not doing a dag-blasted thing down to a science… What I find rather amusing is the fact that she really can’t figure out why she hasn’t been promoted…umm…gee, could it be that the boss sees you almost sleeping when you think he’s not looking? Naw…couldn’t be…although I will say, if I were the one that did what she did even for two and a half seconds, he’d be like, “FOCUS, BEN RICHARDSON!!” and not only would I not ever get promoted, I’d be fired or something…oh well, in the words of Jim Carry, “that’s the way the cookie crumbles“

Boss Lady

Moving right along, we go on to Boss Lady. I call her that because as you can probably guess…she my boss…well, one of them. (it’s tough being the low man on the totem pole) What’s to say about Boss Lady? Well, in one sense she could have been called Mood Ring Girl 2, but then you have to think about her situation…She has to work right under the “Big Boss” of the store, “Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON! Man” (which is enough to drive almost any sane person into insanity I’m sure), throw in some incompetent employees, working with, “Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON! Man”, throw in the Christmas rush, a par-trish and a pear tree, and of course “Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON! Man” and I think I’d be moody too. She really is a nice lady, I just think she under a lot of stress…and I don’t think working under “Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON! Man” helps any either…

The Coffee Master

Next we come to The Coffee Master. I call him The Coffee Master because he is omnipotent in all things coffee. I first met The Coffee Master in training, and was blown away be the speed in which he can make drinks…And yes, for those of you wondering he is the fastest bar in all of the Midwest Region Starbucks, in the central part of the Oklahoma City area, Across from hospitals… I feel as if he’s the “Yoda”, if you will, of our Starbucks and if you listen to him you will become stronger with the force— I mean faster on the bar. Not to mention he’s just an all around cool guy…except for the occasional “good games” he gives...which is a pat on the booty.... (which of course I do not have…) so there’s that rather awkward moment where we look at each other…then we’re both like…ok, whatever…and go on with our lives.

Singing Barista Face

Ok, so now we come to Singing Barista Face. Why do I call him that? Well for starters he has a face, he’s a barista, and he sings. Not well mind you… but it’s the amount of passion in which he sings that captivates the heart and soul of the Starbucks cliental…not to mention the humor. When the unsuspecting customers of the drive-thru hear these notes of passion…. Some laugh, some cry, and some say, “don’t quit your day job” (In which to this he turns to me and says, “This is my day job.”). Still others ignore the fact he sang at all… “Ya, gimmie one of those large…mo-cha lattes”…dolts. More like we’ll give you a swift kick in the…umm...pants, crapface. How can they be such heartless souls anyway? What if he was one of those sensitive guys that got hurt easily? What if he did something tragic?! All I have to say they’d feel pretty bad…well, maybe not ordering like that…”large mo-cha latte”…dolts. And for those of you who think that his melodies of joyousness end in the drive thru… they don’t. If you come in and he’s in the café, you will indeed be serenaded…with notes… of song… and wittiness. Anyway you look at it, you gotta say Singing Barista Face is one happy peppy person…well, on we go!

Mr. Laid Back

Alright, next we come to an individual that gives new meaning to the word patience. Mr. Laid Back. Why do I call him that exactly? Well…I don’t think it’s possible to make him mad….that would be a good reason eh? But you say give me an example…alright…”Hey, Mr. Laid Back we’re out of this…” He’s response, “It’s all good, man”. “Hey Mr. Laid Back so-and-so says they can’t make it to work tonight”. He’s response, “Hmm, alright... cool” Sometimes you just want to test him…you know like saying… “I won the lottery last night, and I’m giving you all the money!” He’s response of course would be… “Cool”. In fact I’d say fifty percent of his vocabulary is the words “cool” and “man”… And on top of that it’s very rare to hear a sentence longer than like five words…Somehow I picture him fitting in the1960’s very well…”Want some drugs man?”…”Cool.” j/k. No, but really he’s a cool cat bro--… Oops, looks like it’s pretty catchy…

The Sweet One

So next on my list comes The Sweet One…So why would I call her The Sweet One? Well, she’s one of those girls that if you wanted to be mad at her you just couldn’t. She’s always ending her sentences with please and thank you, and…stuff…that sounds like…well…please and thank you…*ahem*. So what on earth could I write on about her you may (or may not) ask? Well…let’s just say you can usually can tell when The Sweet One is on bar…not because people are mad and giving us the bird (which does happen), not because drinks are getting made slow (this indeed happens too), and certainly not because she has two left feet!…j/k (ok, so the last statement was not totally actuate). So how do you tell, you ask? Her steam wand! It’s a mess! Crusted over with between 160-180 degree milk that looks, and probably tastes like a booger straight from your nose….except they're a little whiter...and…possibly more crusty. Scary thought eh? So what did I do you say to save you, the public, from this horrible crusty, booger tasting milk problem? Well, I gave her such a hard time about her lack of clean steam wanding habits that now one of two things happen when I work with her…One: she keeps her steam wand clean and the peasants rejoice …or, Two: I clean her steam wand for her and the peasants rejoice…So either way you look at it you win…well…get your drink…that you paid for…without crusties… whatever.

Buff Guy Face

Ok, here we come to one of my favorite people to work with… Buff Guy Face. Why do I call him that you ask? ….Well, as you might be able to guess, it’s because of the fact that he’s huge! Walking though doors sideways…ripping phonebooks with his…muscular muscles...ok, well… you get the picture…Anyways, in the rather slow afternoons of Starbucks he is better known as my partner in crime…As to this I mean, he aids me in my mischievous acts of the afternoon. Let me elaborate…As you, the unsuspecting, fun hating—I mean loving, frappuccino drinking customer come though the drive-thru to make an order…you might not hear exactly what you might be expecting to hear… For sometimes I answer as an automated computer voice like you might hear when you’re on the phone with Sprint, saying, “For the love of God, let me talk to a real human!”…yes, that’s how I answer…well, sometimes. Now I know what you’re thinking….You would be able to tell the difference between a computer and a human…but that’s where you are wrong. The fact is, we have it down to an art…First, I take the order like a computer, most of the time the person really thinks it’s a computer, but can’t believe it…”That’s amazing!” some say…the other percent of the time is where he helps me…When they pull up to the window…Buff Guy Face: “How do you like our new automated order taking drive-thru?” Customer: “Wow, you mean that really was a computer?! I’m telling you technology is getting too advanced… one day it’s going to replace us, you know.” To which we tell them that it was me all along…and they leave…not happy…because they were fooled…by a Starbucks person, and that’s not cool. By the way that customer really said that "technology" line.

Mr. Artistic

Ok, next we are lead to Mr. Artistic. I call him that because most of the awesome drawings in the store are done by him, with the exception of the stuff that sucks….that’s me. One thing you might notice about Mr. Artistic is that he gets this blank look upon his face, often. I like to call this look, “Drummer face” why, because to me it looks like the face most drummers get when they’re really intensely playing drums…Another thing about Mr. Artistic is that sometimes he tries to act black…you wouldn’t know it from just looking at him, but the man has the riming skills of a …well…a white man… a white man that can’t rap. But that’s what makes it fun. Picture this, a man, a artistic man…rapping…you’d laugh too... aright so, over and out.

2^nd String Singing Barista Face

Next on the list is 2^nd String Singing Barista Face. Why do I call him that…well, because to the surprise of most at our Starbucks, he too sings to the public…To be quite honest I’m not sure if he’s copying Singing Barista Face, or doing what he thinks is original….sometimes when I work with him it feels like he’s one of those new superheroes, in the sense that it feels like he’s got talent at Starbucks (not in singing), but he doesn’t know how to control his “power” if you will….example one: Don’t sing what feels like two verses of song when we have a line of cars to the main road…I’m mean I’m a fun lovin’ guy and all, but come on work with me a little…example two: If you’re trying to score points with the Oklahoma Starbucks customers don’t sing a song that’s all about Texas!...what this will get you is…beat up, your head flushed down a toilet, and your dog thrown to the bottom of the river… But really folks, he’s a nice guy, and pretty ok on the bar…so go easy on him.

The Transfer

Alrighty then, next is The Transfer…Now if I have to tell you why I call her that, I’m going to have to just…tell you, I guess. Well, she transferred from another location, so I call her The Transfer…there, are you happy?! At first we didn’t quite know what to make of The Transfer…but to approval of everyone she learned quickly, and does her job well. She, like Short Cuppin’ Cakes, is really quite short….The difference between her (The Transfer) and Short Cuppin’ Cake’s is…while Short Cuppin’ Cakes might take your crap, and heckling or what-not… The Transfer will look at you like, “Just keep it up buddy, I dare you...” And looks like she could light you up… like… a Christmas tree…on the forth of July… I think the short, boney little women must have some Italian in her…well, that or a wicked right hook, either way I’m not going to push her too far and find out… One thing is for sure though…she pulls her weight…she was sick the other day. and thus called in sick…go figure… it took us all day to catch up from her not being there…of course if it was Crapface that called in sick I don’t think we’d notice much of a change…I can see it now, “Hmm…is it warmer in here? Or is it just that the cold, dark, bitter personality of Crapface isn’t here?”

Miss Spunky Pants

The next fellow is a fireball, believe you me. That’s why I call her Miss Spunky Pants. She has so much soul, that if you could bottle it, people would only have to buy Campbell’s soup to warm their heart…because the soul would be fine…not to mention if you could bottle it you would probably have made a pretty good bomb. The thing is with Miss Spunky Pants is that she is usually so dossal that you wouldn’t think under that hat she usually wears that there’s a crazy ball of fire lurking beneath. It’s true…I think her real job is Bat-Women! How else could you explain the reason she can’t work nights. The fact that when she gives you “the look” you believe she really could kick your butt. And last the reason, the fact that I saw her per-roo-sing around town in the bat-mobile! Ok, ok, so maybe the last statement isn’t completely accurate…but I still wouldn’t be surprised if she really was Bat-Women.

Miss Sarcastic Face

Next we are brought to Miss Sarcastic Face…gee, I wonder why I would call her that??? could it be she’s very sarcastic? No way!... As you can see, she has a catchy type of personally. The thing with her is, you can never tell when she’s serious or not…which sometimes can get a Ben in trouble…One moment we’re joking around and having what I think is a fun time…and the next moment she’s all like I’m not joking, go clean the bathrooms… I mean dag yo, now that’s cold. I can picture it now… she gets married…she’s all “lovey-dovey” and the next thing the guy knows is he’s sleeping on the couch...for not saying thank you with a British accent while watching reruns of Family Guy on the fourth Tuesday in July, or something stupid like that…To add insult to injury (so to speak) she doesn’t like the way I do drive-thru…don’t do this, don’t do that. Gee, I’m sorry I don’t live up to your qualifying qualifications for the Starbucks quality drive-thru…Also, she has haled herself the “your momma joke queen” and if your momma joke isn’t up to her “par”…she’ll just look at you and say, "that was stupid"…no joke. Hmm…the only outcomes I’ve come to are, maybe she has forgotten how to feel, maybe she’s never had a guy, maybe she’s got a stick stuck up her…umm…nose. I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s one of those… But in the end it’s only going to hurt her…so to end this properly…This is for you Miss Sarcastic Face…Your momma sooo fat, she had to hale a dump truck instead of a taxi! …lol...gets me everytime.

Starbucks, the Untold Stories... Part 2

*Editor's Note*

When you're reading this blog please remember that the original post date of this was back in October, 2005 and I have grown as a writer since then. Please do not hold this against me, it is being posted for pure nostalgia. And so that you will hopefully find some humor in it.

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A pleasant hello to everyone out there, and welcome to part 2 of the untold stories of Starbucks dealio. This time around it's all about the co-workers... So you know it's going to be some what exciting...well, maybe. Anyway before I dive-in I must first tell you that I have changed the names of the people in my story to protect the identities of the stupid, dim-witted, and down right dumb...AND so if they read this blog maybe they won't know it's them and not want to kill me...Well, alrighty then...

First, lets just go ahead and start out with public enemy number one. We'll call her Crapface, because... well just because... Anyway, like I said in part one I've been working at this Starbucks for about 4 or 5 months, and to be completely honest I really want to like everyone I work with, and I try to have an open mind and all that good stuff. But sometimes there's just that one person that gets under your skin like no other... That person is Crapface... Since the day I met her she gave off this vibe like, "Hey, I'm a jerk, I think I'm better then you, and you better do what I say or else I'll act like a baby" Which is how she acts...go figure...

It started back in the day when we'd only been open for like a week or two... She starts sharing with everyone in the room her sex life....like I, or any co-worker and/or customer wants to hear about her sex life (well, except for that occasional pervert person that might be listening). Now don't get me wrong I can put up with some stuff, but let me tell you a couple of times she got kind of graphic... We're at work! You don't talk about crap like that at work... I mean really, come on...

So then she starts telling me how to do this, telling me how to do that...Acting like she's the queen of the world and I'm her little slave, and I better do it this way or else...I mean if you're going to treat someone like crap on your shoe while you tell them how they're just totally doing what ever it is wrong, you could at least be right about what you're talking about, but she was right ONCE, out of like a dozen times (or close to it) I mean for the love of donuts... Either read up on the right way to do something or shut up... And if you're not going to tell me nicely...shut up.

So finally after a like 3 months of this crap from Crapface I finally say something, not much mind you...It was short and to the point... I was scheduled on the "bar", and I simply turned around and very firmly said, “Don’t EVER touch my bar again." Because she was moving everything around, and I'd asked her tree times already to please not move anything...You should have seen me I looked really mad...(probably because I was) Well, you would think that she would back off, right?...Wrong. For some strange reason she tells me her mom's a lawyer, like I'm supposed to care... I guess it was supposed to scare me into thinking that if I didn't stop what I was doing right now she was going to sick her mommy on me...give me a freakin' break... Well, I think that's good enough on the Crapface situation. Check back again for part 3, the other co-workers...

Starbucks, the Untold Stories... Part 1

*Editor's Note*

When you're reading this blog please remember that the original post date of this was back in October, 2005 and I have grown as a writer since then. Please do not hold this against me, it is being posted for pure nostalgia. And so that you will hopefully find some humor in it.

____________________________________________________________________

Ok, so it's been a while since I've actually blogged on my blog. So I thought I would start taking the time to do some blog-age in hopes that someone, somewhere actually reads these things....Anyway, I have thoughtfully decided to title this "Starbucks, the untold stories" A: Because it sounds cool, and B: That's what this blog is about....Ok, so... diving right in.

Alright, so I've been working at Starbucks for something like 4 or 5 months now. You would think things would be pretty normal by now (i.e. with bosses, co-workers, how much of everything to get so we don't run out of that product) Ahh, but no, not at my Starbucks. No to everything above to be honest... To start with, my boss (who is military strict) doesn't seem to think I can do anything right. To add to that notion he figures he needs to call me by my first and last name whenever possible. And not just, Hey Ben Richardson do this..." no, that's not degrading enough...He has to say it like this, " FOCUS, BEN RICHARDSON!!! FOCUS!!! TAKE OUT THAT TRASH TO THE DUMPSTER!" I feel like I'm being read, "Taking out the Trash for Dummies"..... Like I need to focus SO hard on taking the trash to the dumpster... I mean, it's trash!!! If I spill it, woop-tee-doo...I just pick it up and put it in the trash, again. Second, with my boss not only can I not get anything right, I can't seem to do anything that's good enough either...I did a 41/30 the other day (made all the drinks for 41 transactions in 30 min) which is really good! But he wasn't there to see it, so I had to get the shift manager that I was on duty with to tell him that it was indeed true, because he didn't believe I did it....sad, eh? Anyway, after a bit of a spat with mister boss face things have gotten better, he seems to be giving me some more respect, and he even has called me "Ben" six times....in the four or five months that I've worked there....special I know. Anyway, there you have part one.

...Check back for part 2, The Co-Workers.