Showing posts with label Supermarket. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Supermarket. Show all posts
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The Life and Times of a Ben at the Supermarket

*Originally Posted October, 2006*

Well hello again everyone! Now before I get started I wanted to make something clear that has to do with the title. Just in case the part that says, "a Ben" threw you off. That "a Ben" that it's talking about... ya, that's me... I just thought I'd clear that up in case you thought I was going to rattle off some random story about another Ben that you don't even know... Ok, glad we got that out of the way. So, let us begin our trip to the supermarket!


So there I was... I entered the Albertson's parking lot, found a decent parking space and headed inside to do my monthly grocery shopping. I walked through the front door, looked to my right and grabbed the closest cart available. I looked down at my cart and noticed something was missing... my list! I knew I didn't forget it so I frantically patted myself down, scrambling to find the piece of precious parchment. A couple of people walked by while I was doing this and gave some precarious looks, you know the, "I don't think it's appropriate to do something like that in public" looks. So I did what most any man in my position would have done.

As I patted myself, I started saying, "Where's my list?! I know that thing's around here somewhere..."

The passing peoples seemed to find the frantic babbling sufficient to get their dirty minds out of the gutter, so I was happy. Finally I found it! I was ready to shop!


So I began, with list in hand, and... an empty cart. I made my way past the fresh produce area first, to which I passed a meat stand stating, "Buy one, get one free!". This got my attention, so I stopped and perused the merchandise. While I pondering whether to get said deluxe meat or not, an Albertson's worker walked up, and started stocking the display I was looking at. After throwing a couple more packages on the display she stops and looks at me.

In a rather passionate but kind tone, the middle aged African American women states, "Honey, you should get some! They're buy one, get one!"

To which I responded the only way I could after that statement, "Well then, I'll take two!"...and I did.


Next I was off to the aisles... the aisle part of the shopping usually goes well. I was buying food, I was looking for the super-savers... things were pretty much "same-o, same-o"... that was until I reached the coffee aisle... Now I don't know why, but there is a gravitational pull when I pass by the Starbucks section of the coffee aisle. It's a tug, if you will, to assist the poor helpless individual looking so aimlessly at the Starbucks coffee, that they are almost overwhelmed by the sheer variety of it all. Now this "tug" usually gives way because there's is no one looking at the coffee... but, this time there was someone standing there in front of the Starbucks coffee display, and he had his hand on his chin... just waiting for some knowledgeable individual (such as myself) to help him with his coffee brewing needs/wants! I tried to keep walking... but I just couldn't, and the gravitational pull of "Legendary Service" reeled me in.

I walked up beside the man and proudly stated, "Hello sir, I happen to work for Starbucks and I am currently training to be a Coffee Master, is there any questions I could answer for you?".

The man turned around, and to my surprise stated, "Well, actually I'm looking for a good breakfast coffee... what would you recommend?"

I quickly went off on a rant about what coffees he may enjoy. When the dust settled he choose Breakfast Blend... a real shocker I know. He ended the conversation with, "Well, thanks for stopping by."...So I guess that's good.

Well that about does it for my trip to the supermarket... Oh, I lied... one last thing before I end this. I also met the OETA movie guy! ...You know, the one that's from the public station, he rambles on in the dead of night about classic movies, and is always holding a bucket of popcorn? No? you don't know him? *ahem* Well anyway... it was no big deal, really. Ok... more later.

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Jerks and Headaches...Their Common Thread

*Originally Posted February, 2006*

Hello to all! Well, it would seem at long last the sun has graced us with its presence... and I for one thank it for doing so. (I just thought I'd throw that in here). I'm pretty sure you don't care, but whatever, there it is... So I know you're all wondering what do jerks and headaches have in common? And don't worry, I'm not going to leave you hanging... I mean come on, it's me. Sadly, I am the common thread that pieces these things together. I don't know if it's because of the snow, or if people lately just wake up and think, "Gee, I think I'll be a huge jerk-face today!" But whatever the case is, they have been jerks.


Aright so... Today I needed some stuff from the store, and I needed to put my checks in the bank. So I went to the Piggly Wiggly (a local supermarket that's known for bring run down), in the name of convenience... All because it's across the street from my bank. Let me tell you this now... never shop there! For one: Everything is WAY over priced! I mean if you like throwing your money in a trash bag, by all means shop there! But if you don't...run, run vary far away from the Piggly Wiggly... For two: When I get to the check out, the cashier is a "bundle of joy"...which is kinda funny because her name was actually "Joy". lol...

Anyways, I was trying to buy some frozen entree type deals that were on sale for 88 cents each... But when they rung up I saw that they were ringing up at $1.76.

So I politely tell Joy, "Excuse me miss, these (pointing to my frozen entrees) were on sale for 88 cents."

Joy quickly states, "No, that's only on the dinners! ...And you didn't get the dinners!"

Well, there happened to be a huge poster in the window next to us that clearly stated the sale price right on it... So I proceed to tell her, "No, ma'am it says these (once again pointing to my entrees) are on sale, see." ...and I pointed to the sign in the window.

She goes crazy! "I'm telling you sir! These are NOT the ones on sale!"


A manager quickly comes over, and after some random crap from Joy... looks at the poster in the window and states, "Joy, I believe the customer is right."

To which she goes even more crazy, "Why the hell did you put me on register anyway! Huh?!"

He exasperatingly replied, "You know, I'm not sure."

He quickly apologized for her behavior (even though she was still standing right there), and asked if I was satisfied with the outcome.

I thought about saying, "only if you fire her"...But I didn't. I said, "yes"

I then went on my marry way... But let me tell you, that's the last time I go there! Sheesh!


That brings us to later in the day... I'm on my way to work (and I might throw in that I'm on pace to be early), and I'm mosey-ing down the Broadway Extension (a local highway in Oklahoma City) when things come to a complete halt! I mean we're not even close to the construction that's going on up ahead, so I don't why the heck these morons aren't moving... Minutes, and minutes pass by, and we barely move! So I get off at the first exit I come to, in hopes that I can still get to work on time. Oh, but that's just too much to ask I guess... Not only did I hit almost every red light, but I think I got stuck behind every crap face in the metro area!

So I finally get to work... late! (which I'm never late, so it ticked me off a bit) So the night goes on...Things finally get better, my mood improves and so on and so forth. Then it happens... I bend down to pick up some loose change on the floor, and when I get up I hit my head really hard on the corner of the register! I thought I was fine, and started to walk it off... Then I got really light headed... I leaned against the counter, then one of my co-workers got me a chair to sit on... After a while I was good again... Well, with the exception of two things... One, I had a giant headache. and two, I couldn't remember certain things. I, for one, thought I was AdamSandler... So that was my first idea that something might be wrong... For two, I started answering the drive-thru, "Hi welcome to.... umm ... wherever you are". So then I was almost certain something was wrong...Then I couldn't remember the name of the regular that had just come in... Which was weird because I just called her by her name not even 5 minutes ago. Then the roof started caving in, and Ziggy Stardust came through singing "Suffragette City"! And... ok, ok, just kidding on that last part. Finally, my co-workers came to the conclusion that I had gotten a case of selected amnesia...You know though... I still can't think of that ladies name... It's driving me nuts! Well, whatever...