An Irish Punk Band + 6 Guys =

*Originally Posted April, 2007"

A Flogging Molly concert of course! That's right this the tale of the great Flogging Molly trip as told by... well, me. So what should you do now? Well, if I were you I'd punch somebody smaller then you, grab a copy of The Departed, chug a glass of cranberry juice... and read, "An Irish Punk Band + 6 guys ="! So let get to it then!

It all started on a Thursday afternoon... I had just gotten off of my job at Starbucks, I jumped in my car and headed to the meeting spot we had designated at an earlier time. The spot happened to be the parking lot of the church my brother is custodian of. He wasn't quite done with his work by the time I pulled into the parking lot, so I waited. It's here the story truly begins! As I waited the others started to arrive... from the Gehling boys and Josh Langer, to Jay Prock and at last my brother. We were now ready to embark on the journey. We packed all of our things in the back of Jay's SUV, and piled in. We pulled out of the parking lot, and at long last we were under way to Tulsa for the Flogging Molly concert! The trip there was fun, but somewhat uneventful...*so I'm going to skip to where we arrive in Tulsa* At last we arrived in Tulsa. The plan had been to eat at Kilkenny's Irish Pub before the show, so we did... and it was good. That is all. We left Kilkenny's full of... food, and drink... and it was now time to arrive at the concert.

We arrived at the concert with plenty of time to spare. We found a good parking space, got out of the vehicle, and walked towards the pavilion. It was here we found out that maybe we didn't belong at this concert. As we walked by, we noticed hundreds and hundreds of people dressed in gothic green and black clothing. Many of which looked high, drunk or just plain ugly from being in a countless number of fights. Now there would be nothing wrong with the above statement, if we too were... dressed in gothic green and black clothing, were high, drunk, or had been in a fight. But the problem was hadn't been in, or had on any of the above... so it was awkward. As such, as we walked to the end of the waiting line we noticed dozens of faces looking at us with the, "what the h*ll are they doing here?" look. (and of course the "*" in the previous sentence was an "i") But we didn't sway from the straight and narrow... or umm, line... and held our own.

Finally they let us in. The first of three opening bands appeared on stage... the name of which was, "The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band". The moment they started to play we knew two things, One: It was going to be a long night if all the opening bands sucked this bad, and Two: We were not going to be able to hear by the end of the night. Something else we noticed was once the music started everyone seemed to come together, and not care what you looked like, or what you were wearing. Well, it was indeed a long wait for Flogging Molly. With the opening bands ranging from crap, to pretty ok; we waited not so patiently for Flogging Molly to come to the stage. Finally they did. It was great! Not only was the music good, but the people who were there were entertaining too. You see, this Irish guy in front of us (who was inebriated) would keep turning around and ask, "Are you Irish?" to which you answer, "yes." To which he would reply, "God bless you!" then give you a hug... This happened quite a few times until my good friend Josh Langer turned the tables on him.We saw him coming back for another round of "Are you Irish?" when Josh grabbed him and said, "Are you Irish?" to which he replied, "Yep, don't let the black hair fool ya"... Classic!

Finally the concert ended and we headed to our lodging for the evening. We woke up the next morning only to discover we still couldn't hear... oh, and we were hungry. We packed up all our stuff and looked for a place to eat. We came upon a doughnut shop and decided to get some... doughnuts. We walked inside only to hear the old lady running it say, "Oh, Shit" about us coming in. As we tried to order she would bark orders and make demands that were not hers to make. At one point even grabbing the hand of one of the Gehling boys as she gave him his change. Of course it wouldn't be a complete trip unless I came up with a smart ass comment for her. So, as my brother received a text message from his girlfriend the old lady said briskly, "What's that noise?! Is that a cell phone?!" To which I replied, " Ya it is, I mean that's okay right? I mean I didn't see a "No Cell Phones Allowed" sign as we came in!" She had no response. I had won... that round. We left the "doughnut shop of doom" and headed home. The trip back was fun, but somewhat uneventful...*So, I'm going to skip to OKC*... finally we arrived back in good ol' OKC... the end.

The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Meet the Players (1 of 2)

*Originally Posted January, 2007*

Well, hello again soccer fans! Now I thought before I dove in to the season of blood, sweat, and pain... it would be a good idea to meet the players of the Galaxy Dollars soccer team. Yes the players that have worked and trained so hard to be moderately good at what they do. Now, due to the fact that there are what some would call a plethora of people of the team, I will have to split this up into two parts. So I ask you now to prepare... get a bowl of ice cream, a box of Oreos, and one of those little personal packs of Kleenex... Why, because you are going to laugh and... cry. Well, maybe laugh hard enough to cry... or maybe you'll stub your toe and cry... at any rate you should cry. So... umm... read on.

PHONY DISCLAIMER:

This is a phony disclaimer... Any attempt to pass this off as a real disclaimer will almost undoubtedly put you in immediate danger to: kick the bucket, have someone yell, "Oogie-boogie-boo!" at you, or have to watch a women shave her armpits. Yes, any of those... or any other things you can think of that causes death, or indefinite atrophy to ones body... So in other words, don't take this disclaimer seriously. So, on that note I present to you, "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...Meet the Players (1 of 2)"

Singing Soccer Face

To start this shin-dig off right we'll start this dealio off with a classic... Singing Soccer Face! As some of you may recall if you read the original Galaxy Dollars blog dealio, there was a Singing Barista Face... and to those of you who did read them, yes... Singing Soccer Face, and Singing Barista Face are the same person. On the other hand, to those of you who didn't read the original Galaxy Dollars blog dealios... well... Singing Soccer Face and Singing Barista Face are the same person. There, you're caught up, happy? I thought so. Now back to Singing Soccer Face... As to why he got this nick-name is actually quite irrelevant to how he plays soccer, but it's a cool nick-name none-the-less... So how does he play soccer? Well, half the time he is our flailing goalie, diving one way or the other at almost every ball that comes his way (he likes to dive), even if it's just rolling right to him... Then he promptly sends it (the ball) back out to his usually unsuspecting teammates, whether they're ready for it or not. The other half of the time he is our soccer warrior on a war path of destruction... and by that I mean, he is kicking the ball at the opposing teams goalie continuous times in hope that one will get past. At any rate, he plays with so much passion that you just can't keep yourself from playing with a smile on your face... whether or not it's from the way he runs with such poise and vigor, or the fact that you like to see a guy give his very best whether you're winning, or down by 20 points.

Awkward Runner Girl

Alright, now that we're in the thick of things lets continue with Awkward Runner Girl. As you may have deducted the reason I call her this is the fact that she runs somewhat... well... awkwardly. She sprints down the field like I imagine Napoleon Dynamite's creation the Lyger would run... legs all about, but meaning business the whole time. What makes this so funny is the fact that she's actually quite short... so I really don't know how she does it, but never-the-less she does! Now don't get me wrong, it's not that she's a bad player, because she's not... in fact she plays with a lot of heart. Always taking one for the team, whether it's being push down by an opposing player or being hit in places that isn't comfortable for a girl to be hit. So it's not that at all... it's just that... well... you haven't seen the way she runs... Fine, we'll give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe it's the soccer shorts... but somehow I doubt it.

SoccerBack

Next we come to the heart and soul of the Galaxy Dollars soccer team, SoccerBack. Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Why in the world did he name him SoccerBack?" Well, I will tell you... you may have heard Justin Timberlake's little tune exclaiming about how he's brought "SexyBack"...well, I'm not too sure he did, but I am here to tell you that this guy... (to the tune of SexyBack) be brinin' "SoccerBack"...ya! SoccerBack flies up and down the field with amazing ball handling skills and shooting accuracy. (If you're still singing what you read to the tune of SexyBack...stop. no, really.) He weaves in and out of heavily populated enemy soccer terrain, and somehow comes out on the other side with the ball in hand... well... on foot. The rest of us stand to his left and to his right hoping that the other team will think that we too are really awesome and guard us and not him... But this doesn't usually happen since the other team is rarely gullible enough to believe our phony attempt to look like we actually know what the heck we're doing. So... SoccerBack ends up doing what he does best... He brings SoccerBack...ya!

Soccer Players Gone Wild Man

Now we are lead to who I would call the 2^nd best player on the team... Soccer Players Gone Wild Man... Now why I call him this on the soccer field will require a little explaining, but I mean I'm not going anywhere, and you're not going anywhere... so hey, I'll break it down for you. Well, the fact is one would think from talking to this man on the job that he is an easy going and well mannered person... Well, he might be that way on the job, but let me tell you on the field this man is a soccer-a-holic... Zipping from one end of the field to the other in a flash! At work I didn't even know the man was mobile! Just creative... Let me tell you one thing, after seeing him play this way, if I had beat him up as a young child I would have pleaded for forgiveness from him for fear that he'd open a can of, "Kick the Crap out of Ben o' Beans" on me... Well, I do believe that's about all you need to know about Soccer Players Gone Wild Man, so on we go!

Bossy Pants Women Face

Now we come to Bossy Pants Women Face. So why did I name her this you ask? Well, it's quite simple actually... She is bossy, I'm sure sometimes she wears pants, and she has the face of a women... Now I will say that digging a little deeper into the entity that is Bossy Pants Women Face is a little more difficult, but I will try. Bossy Pants Women Face is a complex creature... as her husband would probably tell you on a back street in a dark ally-way (so as not to be seen by his significant other, for those of you who missed the intended pun). Yes, she is complex indeed... Off the field a genuinely nice person to talk to... On the field... on the field (no I did not just stutter, I repeated for dramatic effect...) she is... well... a Bossy Pants Women Face! Telling you how to do this, and how to do that... when her herself isn't even doing it! This my friends, and complete strangers rubs me the wrong way... I mean if you're going to tell me what to do, you better dang well be doing yourself be golly! So, some of you may be asking, "How do you deal with this?"...good question, I will answer. The truth is, is when she does this bossy thing to me... I simply play dumb, and answer something like this... "What? Kick the ball? How do I do that? Quick help me!" What's sad is sometimes she thinks I'm serious... "Well, you're going to kick the ball with the inside of your foot, and aim the best you can."...all in all I guess it's kind of humorous to have her on the team, I guess she can stay.

Sweet Soccer Starlet

So next we come to one of the most considerate, well mannered people on the team... Sweet Soccer Starlet. I know, I know you don't have to tell me... this was a sweet use of alliteration...Ha! I'm so artsy-fartsy! ...*ahem*...I don't know what happened... I guess the spirit of Niles Crane was upon me. I hope that never happens again, and I sure hope I never say the words "artsy-fartsy" again. Anyway, Sweet Soccer Starlet is the one that is the all around pretty good player... and because she's so easy going many on the team believe that you could tell her to do petty much anything, and she'll just do it... I will give you a few examples of what one might say to her, and her "would be" answers... Person A: "Hey Sweet Soccer Starlet, play defense!" Sweet Soccer Starlet: " Ok, you got it!". Person B: "Get back on the bench, you're not doing so hot!" Sweet Soccer Starlet: "You bet, no problem!" Person 3: "Your mom goes to college...". Sweet Soccer Starlet: "Drop dead..." I guess she likes her mom. At any rate she's fun to play with, and a decent player to boot.

Insecure Soccer Player Man

Well alrighty then... now we come to Insecure Soccer Player Man. Now why would I name him this you ask? Well gee, let me think... could it be because when he gets the ball he just stands there like a deer in headlights... like he's unsure of what to do with the ball. I mean it's soccer... you kick it. That's it, that's the whole object... Ask Bossy Pants Women Face she'll tell you. I mean even if you suck at doing it you are aware of what to do. But not if you're Insecure Soccer Player Man. No, if you're Insecure Soccer Player Man, you stand there... and wait... and wait... and wait some more, until the other team comes and takes the ball from you. Of course that's followed be his trademark, "Man, I'm sorry guys... I don't know what happened?!" I know what happened, you suck. In fact I'd say that every time he gets the ball in his possession that there's a better chance of Michael Jackson turning back into a good looking black man... then him getting the ball past mid-court. Yes, I know that's probably a little bit harsh... but please, for the love of doughnuts, when you get the ball... don't just stand there... kick it!

Hot or Not Face

Ok, now we come to Hot or Not Face. So why would I name her this? Well, she is arguably one of our best players... Arguably because as her name plainly states she's either hot... or she's not. Not in the anatomic way, but in the, "Her game is on... or off" way. Now when her game is on, the short little foreign girl almost can't be stopped... Kicking the ball into the goal, passing with amazing accuracy, and just plain terrorizing the other team. But when she's not on... oh, boy... let me tell you. She can't keep the ball without losing it, all her "shots on goal" are more like "shots on the 2^nd guy from the right of the goal" (not that I have any room to talk), and her passing is... well... I wouldn't even call it passing. One other thing about Hot or Not Face is that you can tell if she's on or not purely be listening to her... If she's on she's always yelling something like, "Good job guys, keep it up!" in her thickly accented voice, or yelling some put down to the team in some South American language... But when she's off... the words, and the tone of them are a bit different... Shouting things like, "What kind of call was that! F-ing blind ref! I'm just going to go home, I don't have to take crap like this!" Then going off again in a language I can't understand... but I can be sure of one thing, when she's yelling in her foreign language (when in a bad mood) ...She's not inviting you over for tea and crumpets.

Goalie Guy

Alrighty then, now we come to Goalie Guy... As his name might suggest, he was our goalie the other half of the time Singing Soccer Face wasn't (deep I know). Goalie Guy is a little bit more kouthful then Singing Soccer Face when playing goalie. He effortlessly snatches balls out of the sky, the ground, and yes... even heads! ...I guess. I don't know... in fact I really doubt it, but it sounded cool to write. Really, if you think about it there's not much more someone can say about a goalie then what I've already said, except that... well... he saved our bacon multiple times... not real bacon of course... more like... ball bacon... well just balls... he saved our balls... soccer balls. oh, I give up.

Italian Stallion Face

Okie-dokie...Now we come to the last person for this installment, Italian Stallion Face... First, I'd like to say... no, this is not about me, and as you continue to read you will figure out very quickly it could never be me... Second, to the wise-acres still laughing because when you read the title of this person all you could think about was my nose... I hope you wake in the morning with a zit so big, that scientists have to name it Mt. Zittola. So, why do I call Italian Stallion Face, Italian Stallion Face? Two reasons... One: He has a lot of heart... some might say the heart of a stallion. (I know, I know... boo.) Two: I don't care who or what you are, you see this guy heading toward, you are...A: Getting or have gotten out of dodge, or B: A spot on the AstroTurf that maintenance gets to clean up later. Another talent that Italian Stallion Face has is his kick. It, like him when he's running is a force to be reckoned with! I swear if he kicked someone in the head just right they'd either die, or immediately think they're Pinky, from Pinky and the Brain, and start saying deep intellectual things like "narf, and "poit"... You know, I hope the latter of these two happens some time, because I think it'd be really funny to see someone yelling "narf" after getting hit in the head with a ball...

Well, that does it for "The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...Meet the Players (1 of 2)". Check back next time for part 2 with all of the remaining players on the team!

The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team... Beginning of an Era

*Editor's Note*

It had been several months since I had tried to talk about anything really Starbucks related, due to the fact I had been told to stop posting stuff with the name "Starbucks" in it. As such, I thought that one, November, 2006 seemed like the right time to try again... and two, I would save the potential heartache of having to take them off by using the name "Galaxy Dollars" instead (get it?). And it must have worked too, because even though quite a few people read these blogs there has never seemed to be any backlash from it. Anyways, hope you enjoy!
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Hello to all! I hope each and everyone of you had a great Thanksgiving! If you didn't... I'm sorry you didn't but, umm... don't blame it on me. *ahem*...Moving right along... In the spirit of the holidays I thought I'd share a continuing story with all of you... but not just any story, no. This is a story about friends, and soccer, and teamwork... and Galaxy Dollars *whispers* (That's code for Starbucks)... and the human heart... and run on sentences. Run on sentences? *ahem* So as you read, this, the first in a line of stories about the peoples of Galaxy Dollars Coffee, and their quest for soccer playing bliss... I hope you are reminded of things, things like... hot coco by the fire, singing "White Christmas" with loved ones... hitting that poor defenseless bird that is now embedded forevermore on your tire... umm, maybe don't think about that last one. But anyway, you know what I mean... So, without any further ado, here is... "Beginning of an Era".

It seems not so long ago that one of my fellow Galaxy Dollar co-workers said, "Hey, we should form a Galaxy Dollar soccer team!"

And all the girls were like, "Oh, what a great idea! How much fun would that be?!"

And all the guys were like, "Hmm, we get to kick a ball around? Ok, seems like fun."

So everyone started talking about how to go about setting it up... First, we had meeting to find out who was really serious about playing on the team, setting up important details, and stuff of that nature. Then we had a another meeting... and to be quite honest I don't know what purpose that meeting served. We sat around talking about what number we wanted to be, how our jerseys would look, if we would have to wear underwear at the games, would Ben look good in a thong... well, not really the last two... But ya, it was general crap like that, so it was pretty pointless in my opinion.

Next, a certain Galaxy Dollar employee found us a "beginners soccer league" to play in and signed us up. For all we knew we could have playing little kids, but never-the-less we knew we needed to practice since there were several people (like myself) who didn't have the foggiest idea how to play soccer. So we set up some practice dates. Finally the first soccer practice got here... we were all pumped, we were all dressed appropriately, we were all... really bad. It's true, except for three players, we were terrible. We couldn't pass good, we couldn't shoot good, we couldn't even handle the ball good. The only thing we were really good at? ...drinking water. But we did do that with greatness! There was just one thing on our minds now... how can we not suck so bad. Well, that... and how we hoped that we really were playing kids, or we were going to get our butts whipped! We wisely decided that we needed a few more practices before we hit the "big green". We practiced a few more times in the weeks to come, and we were getting better. I would say that in those practices we went from horrible, to adequate... so needless to say we were feeling pretty good. Indeed, with those practices our confidence grew, our hair grew, and even our skills grew (a little). It was true, our first game approached! ...Check back soon for, The Galaxy Dollars Soccer Team...The First Game!

The Life and Times of a Ben at the Supermarket

*Originally Posted October, 2006*

Well hello again everyone! Now before I get started I wanted to make something clear that has to do with the title. Just in case the part that says, "a Ben" threw you off. That "a Ben" that it's talking about... ya, that's me... I just thought I'd clear that up in case you thought I was going to rattle off some random story about another Ben that you don't even know... Ok, glad we got that out of the way. So, let us begin our trip to the supermarket!

So there I was... I entered the Albertson's parking lot, found a decent parking space and headed inside to do my monthly grocery shopping. I walked through the front door, looked to my right and grabbed the closest cart available. I looked down at my cart and noticed something was missing... my list! I knew I didn't forget it so I frantically patted myself down, scrambling to find the piece of precious parchment. A couple of people walked by while I was doing this and gave some precarious looks, you know the, "I don't think it's appropriate to do something like that in public" looks. So I did what most any man in my position would have done.

As I patted myself, I started saying, "Where's my list?! I know that thing's around here somewhere..."

The passing peoples seemed to find the frantic babbling sufficient to get their dirty minds out of the gutter, so I was happy. Finally I found it! I was ready to shop!

So I began, with list in hand, and... an empty cart. I made my way past the fresh produce area first, to which I passed a meat stand stating, "Buy one, get one free!". This got my attention, so I stopped and perused the merchandise. While I pondering whether to get said deluxe meat or not, an Albertson's worker walked up, and started stocking the display I was looking at. After throwing a couple more packages on the display she stops and looks at me.

In a rather passionate but kind tone, the middle aged African American women states, "Honey, you should get some! They're buy one, get one!"

To which I responded the only way I could after that statement, "Well then, I'll take two!"...and I did.

Next I was off to the aisles... the aisle part of the shopping usually goes well. I was buying food, I was looking for the super-savers... things were pretty much "same-o, same-o"... that was until I reached the coffee aisle... Now I don't know why, but there is a gravitational pull when I pass by the Starbucks section of the coffee aisle. It's a tug, if you will, to assist the poor helpless individual looking so aimlessly at the Starbucks coffee, that they are almost overwhelmed by the sheer variety of it all. Now this "tug" usually gives way because there's is no one looking at the coffee... but, this time there was someone standing there in front of the Starbucks coffee display, and he had his hand on his chin... just waiting for some knowledgeable individual (such as myself) to help him with his coffee brewing needs/wants! I tried to keep walking... but I just couldn't, and the gravitational pull of "Legendary Service" reeled me in.

I walked up beside the man and proudly stated, "Hello sir, I happen to work for Starbucks and I am currently training to be a Coffee Master, is there any questions I could answer for you?".

The man turned around, and to my surprise stated, "Well, actually I'm looking for a good breakfast coffee... what would you recommend?"

I quickly went off on a rant about what coffees he may enjoy. When the dust settled he choose Breakfast Blend... a real shocker I know. He ended the conversation with, "Well, thanks for stopping by."...So I guess that's good.

Well that about does it for my trip to the supermarket... Oh, I lied... one last thing before I end this. I also met the OETA movie guy! ...You know, the one that's from the public station, he rambles on in the dead of night about classic movies, and is always holding a bucket of popcorn? No? you don't know him? *ahem* Well anyway... it was no big deal, really. Ok... more later.

Dreams (poem)

*Editor's Note*

In an attempt to break away from my "norm" of humorous blogging, I decided that about once a year I should post something of a more serious nature. This blog, originally posted in September, 2006 was my first attempt at doing so.
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This is one of my favorite poems (that I've written) because it reflects life so well, especially my life. Please do not copy this or use it anywhere seeing as it's copy written and all, I'd hate to see anyone die---... I mean fined, or something like that for using it. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys!

Dreams©

Dreams, sweet dreams.
As I lay me down to sleep,
My head gets filled with many things.
Thoughts that make my blood to run, my heart to pound, my hands to numb.
Thoughts that make the heavens ring, worlds collide, the angels sing.
Am I to believe that this is all a dream?
A life of love, of hope, and peace.
A fairy tale that can't come true,
A lie my heart has bought in to.
Oh how I wish I knew.
But there must be more to this life,
More then hopeless pain and strife.
A purpose for which I'm here,
Perhaps to love, to help, to share.
I do believe it's coming clear,
The moon is setting the dawn is near.
Maybe this is all a dream,
As we wait on true life's eve.
For soon we'll awaken from this sleep,
And start our lives eternally.
But for now we slumber on this eve,
Trusting that God will give us dreams, sweet dreams.

Written by,

Ben Richardson

The Ben, The Computer, and The Virus(s)

*Originally Posted August, 2006*

To set the stage for this story...As some of you may or may not know, as of last week I had not been online for like... 14 days, 9 hours, 22 minutes, and 7 seconds... or something close to that (not that I know exactly or anything). This was due to the breaking down of my computer... This, my friends, and not-so-cool people is the story of that account.

It all started one normal type of day... I was doing the normal type of stuff you do with a computer, you know: Surf the web, fiddle with programs, cook a pizza... you know the "norm". Little did I know a digital monster of sorts was lurking in the shadows... well... in my computer. Whatever. My computer had seemed to running a tad bit slow for the last couple of days, so I decided to check it for spyware and virus'... This is when things started going down hill. I ran my Microsoft Anti-Spyware program. It found a few items lurking about, but nothing of extreme crap. I decided to inquire further, so I ran a cheap (and by cheap I mean free) Yahoo Anti-Spyware program. It found several problems, one of which is known as a "root kit". This happened to be the "Sony root kit"... A nasty clocked spyware item that sends information back to its source (in this case Sony). It found the root kit, as well as a couple of other spyware items that it could not remove. Thus, it asked for my supreme help in deleting such hazards. I then went to the only website a good tech person should go to... Google.

I searched how to remove the "Sony root kit", found a site to show me how, then followed the steps to the "T". But somehow, somewhere, something went wrong. The system asked me to reboot my computer to save the changes I had made. I did so. However, when I tried to log back on, it froze up... So I tried my roommate's name... it worked. I made it though the deletion process then had to again restart the system... I thought that it would be fine, I mean I was now done with the deletion process, right? Wrong. Well, right, but no... it didn't work. Instead of the world going back to normal, it froze up on my roommate's log in... so I tried my brother's... it worked, but I was now leery of turning off my computer for fear that I would not be able to log back on (since I had now exhausted all of the log-in names). I left my computer on and tried to make sure it was fine... but I knew it was not. Finally it happened... It froze. I restarted it, but now it wouldn't even load a log-on screen. I tried as hard as I could to fix it using all of my computer nerd power, but it was useless... I had failed.

I did the unthinkable (for me), I let my roommate bring it to a corporate tech in hopes of getting it up and working again... He kept it for the better part of a week. His conclusion? He couldn't fix it. Me, I was bummed... and thought he sucked. There was now only one hope for my computer... The Travis! (AKA, The Supreme Tech Dude) If he couldn't fix it, it was hopeless and I miles-well just call it a big piece of useless metal and plastic crap, in a bigger metal and plastic case of crap. I took it to him. He worked on it... and worked on it... and worked on it some more. It looked grim, he told me he had never seen anything like it before... yep, I had jack it up pretty good. Finally... he fixed it! I was relieved... he told me what had happened was that when I deleted a certain file, it deleted another one with it (without me knowing)... an important one... the boot up one. Yep, important, I concur with him. He said, that, combined with a few dozen virus' was the source of my problem(s)... so ya, I learned my lesson... what did I learn you may be asking? Well, I learned never to put Twinkies on my pizza! You know, the one that I was cooking on my computer earlier... Other then that, I'm not quite sure what I learned...j/k

YTJ7FWN2A8SG

The Events of "Factor X"

*Originally Posted March, 2006*

Hello to everyone out there... on your computer... reading this. Maybe aloud, or perhaps to yourself... or maybe even to your pet fish, Pepper. Whichever the case, I hope you enjoy... and stuff.

Alright so I know you are all wondering what the "Factor X" stands for, and I'll bet some of you bright individuals have already guessed it... It's Starbucks but of course! I just thought I'd get a bit fancy on you, to keep you on your toes...

So, things at Starbucks in the last couple of weeks have been interesting, interesting indeed. In the last few weeks we've had a few people quit, a couple people move, one guy get married...and one person that got abducted by aliens...plaid aliens. (Ok, maybe not the last one, but the rest of them really happened.) My point is that a lot of people have left, leaving us a bit short handed. So my boss went on a quest, if you will, to find us some new Starbucks employee's... But being short handed has meant more hours for me so I haven't minded too much. So I was like a quest? why go on a quest? why don't you just sit back, and take a load off... In fact, here's some jelly donuts. But that didn't work. So he hired some new people...

Ahh, I had almost forgotten what it was like to be so new... so naive... so... well, not good. Anyway, because there will be a new store soon (classified information as to where) we have been training people like a mad person(s)! I'm telling you, there's someone I haven't met before in the store like everyday! I come in, I'm like, "Who are you?" and they're like, "I'm new, I work here." So you give that look like... "Well, I've been here a while... so, ya. You better recognize..." and they're all like... "Ooo, he's been here a while, I better recognize..." but really there are some cool people that have started... it's just a change, and change is... well, change. And you have to deal with it. So, I guess I'll deal with it... where's my shotgun?...j/k. Alright, well, that's it for now check back for more later.

The "Special Edition" Valentine's Day Blog

*Editor's Note*

Originally posted the day before Valentine's Day 2006, this blog of awesomeness was somehow unintentionally deleted (over two years ago) from the recesses of MySpace never to be seen again...until now. This classic that "started it all" (for the Valentine's Day blogs) was the first Valentine's Day piece written for humans to feast upon, and chuckle at their own singleness...I'm sure of it. Now somehow digitally remastered, it can now be viewed in its full 1080p glory. So here is your chance to read the blog, that hundreds have called "a blog about Valentine's Day" for yourself. I now give you the one, the only...the original, "Special Edition" Valentine's Day Blog" from 2006.
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Actually, unlike the title says, there is absolutely nothing "special edition" about this blog. I just put it in there to make all of you single people feel better on Valentine's Day...if you feel better, it worked...if you don't...you don't. and nothing I can do is going to change that, so why should I even try?...*ahem* Well, ok... I'll try.


So here it is...Valentine's Day. Doesn't feel any different then any other day... I mean the sun is shining, the birds are singing... people are still cutting me off on the roads. Yep, love is definitely in the air. So just yesterday I was in the mall when I happened to glance at two guys that appeared to be about 14 or 15 years old in the food court... I mean there's nothing unusual about two 14 or 15 year old guys being in the food court, right? But there is something a bit disturbing about them both holding Victoria's Secret bags. I mean I wonder what was on their perverted little minds... because I'm guessing it wasn't perfume in those bags... Anyways, let's not go there.

So you might be asking yourself, what can I do? I have no Valentine... Well, there's no need to fret! For I have compiled a list of 10 things you can do on this Valentine's Day ...all original too! (as in I made them up...I didn't get them off a forward or something like that)...and here they are!



You Could:



1. If you're not single, and don't have a date with your bf/gf...spy on them to see if they're cheating on you...which will get you single really quick (if they are, or aren't cheating), then you can look at the other nine of these!

2. Watch your favorite movie with your best friend. (aww)

3. Read a book...because reading will help keep your mind off of it being Valentine's Day ... as long as the book isn't about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness...If it is, then you're screwed.

4. Watch your favorite movie with an alright friend or friends (because your best friend has a bf/gf, and isn't a loser like you)

5. Live in the past and pour over old pictures of ex bf/gf's and be like... Now that was a good Valentine's Day.

6. Ask a complete stranger off the streets, who looks like a nice person, to watch your favorite movie with you... (because ALL of your friends have a bf/gf, and aren't losers like you)

7. Call a 1-900 number, or one of those singles hot-lines... because chatting with someone on Valentine's Day at least makes you feel better...right? (like you're ever going to get to talk to a guy or a girl that looks like the one on the commercials)

8. Watch a movie that you hate with a complete stranger you met in like Wal-Mart... It's not like you're going to be watching the movie anyway... I mean it's Valentine's Day, dang it, and you want some action!

9. Take a machine gun, and go around the city blowing the crap out of people, because you're single on Valentine's Day, and not happy about it! (I don't suggest this one)

10. Kill yourself. (I don't suggest this one either)



Well, there it is the "Special Edition" Valentine's Day blog...do with it as you will...and try to have a Happy Valentine's Day...just not too happy.

Go Haystax? (A Night in the Life of Ben, While He Watched a Basketball Game)

*Originally Posted January, 2006*

Alright, so last night I indulged myself and went to see my brother play some basketball on his and his friend Andrew's team, "The Haystax"...yep, The Haystax...in this league that they're in. But I was not merely there to cheer on the team as one would think...no, not at all... but to observe, take notes, and of course heckle...the players...and refs....and the score keeper guy with a hangover.

Ok, so the night began with the Haystax practicing. Right off I noticed a couple of difference between the two teams...One: The other team had more players... a lot more players. Of course it's easy to have a lot more players then the other team when the other team only has 7 people show up...Two: No, black man(s)...I mean it's like an unwritten code that there needs to be at least one brother on any given' team...I mean I'm sure you've heard the expression "white men can't jump" well, I'm here to tell you...it's not an expression, it's the truth. (well, for the most part) They did have one guy on the team that was a bit darker, but I decided he was more of Adrian Monk meets my good friend Michael Wylie...hmm, hmm... don't ask, because it's not a good thing.

With this said the game began...or so one would think. I mean the tip off came and went, players had already missed baskets, but one thing was wrong...the clock...it hadn't started, thanks to the moron with the hangover. So after some yelling at the guy with a hangover the clock finally started to tick... Andrew, Caleb, and this one guy with a 5 on his jersey (I think it was a 5 anyway) started off good, and quickly you would see that the only chance of their team winning would be these 3 stepping up...which they did. They played with heart, and for the better part of the game stayed close behind the other team.

I would of course like to believe that my constant heckling of the players, and refs had something to do with it. I'm telling you it worked. All I'd have to do is wait until one of the other teams players got fouled and went to the free throw line...Then I' start saying, "Look, Hallie Barry!" it worked an impressive 3 out of 4 times. One other thing that happened was when the opposing team once made a 3 pointer the turd faced score keeper guy with a hangover gave them 4 points...and he was leaving it that way too. So I did what any good older brother should do...Yell out the correct score that should be on the score sign dealio. Soon I was joined by a chorus of parents chanting the right score at the score dude with a hangover...of course in one chant I screamed, "Lay off the the booze!" But that was besides the point...*Ahem*...Despite a great effort from the aforementioned players above the Haystax still lost. So we did what any losing basketball team would do...go watch Glory Road (a film about a underdog team that won!). Anyways, so that concluded my night, and I dare say this blog...so, check back later for new stuff... hoight!

Ben Goes on a Wedding Trip (AKA,The Not-So-Told Nashville Stories)

*Editor's Note*

This was originally posted in January, 2006. In fact it was the first blog after the Starbucks blogs had to be taken down. How's that for an interesting fact, huh? Oh... it's not interesting? Sorry. Read on.
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Ok, so... Since there can be no more "Starbucks stories" I thought I'd take a you, the reader, (in case you didn't know who you were in all of this) on a little journey, to enlighten all of you (fine readers) to the experience that was Nashville! To place the proper setting....Some 5 peoples go to Nashville for our friend, Jay's, wedding. Setting set...let stuff begin.

Day 1.

Alright, to start things off... Me, and 4 other guys stuff themselves and all their stuff in my car and we start our trek to the city of Nashville. Now to introduce the crew...First there's me, tall studly dude with no butt, so my lack of butt starts to hurt 5 hours into the trip guy (AKA, the driver). Second there's Jay, Mr. glue a phone to my face (AKA Mr. ring off the hook face...AKA, the groom). Third there's Caleb, the fart anytime, anywhere I don't care guy (AKA, the fart machine). Forth there's Andrew, the I can't tell if you're mad or not because your face looks the same all the time guy (AKA the guy that your mom would let you go out on a date with because he's a nice guy...guy). And fifth there's Josh, the hey! You lookin' at me, because if you are I'm going to smash your skull in guy (AKA, the I can bench press a 150 lbs guy). Mix all 5 of us together, let us sit in a car for 10 hours, and you have a recipe for the best spicy chili casserole you've ever tasted (AKA, trouble). So pretty much the conversations on the way there consisted of...Pooshswah (sp?), Caleb playing Kingdom Hearts...So you hear...Ohh!Ooo!Ahh!NO!!Yes!Lucky! More Pooshswah...don't ask. Us talking about how wild of bachelors we are because we're listening to the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, and yes...more Pooshswah. Seriously, you don't want to know. We get to Nashville, we help with some stuff...shmoota, shmoota, shmoota. Then, sleep. By the way in case you really wanted to know "Pooshwah"...... is a kind of cheese. You and your dirty mind.

Day 2.

We wake up, and join up with a sixth person! Blake, the guy (AKA, the tall, I wanna do fun stuff the entire time guy). We decide to go soak up some local color so we go to this freakin' huge mall and kill some hour-age...Yep, it was fun...I had soda come out my nose and land in my chicken on my plate, I couldn't stop laughing... nobody else was really laughing but.... I guess you had to be there. Anyway, next we go to the wedding rehearsal...It goes well, we go to the rehearsal dinner/hay ride...in the freezing freakin' cold and light rain...We take a hayride. It's really hard to make hayride interesting so, ya...I'm skipping that. We eat, I say a poem I wrote for the occasion, people clap for me, and it's off to bed!

Day 3. Wedding Day...

First I woke up, which is good to do, it means I'm still alive... So that means I was already having a good day because I didn't kick the bucket...Next, I went with Jay to the hotel suite to turn it in to a love shack...And oh btw, we were successful...It was the love-ist love shack that ever shacked...yep. Finally the wedding... I'm wearing a Tux (boom baby!), everybody looks great, the bride and groom get married (which is typically what you want the bride and groom to do at a wedding). We go to the wedding reception, look cool in our tux's (boom baby!) and watch the bride and groom leave for their honeymoon (AKA, the love shack)....ummm and ya, we call it a night. I doubt they did though. Just sayin'.

Day 4.

Well, we went home...Actually we took a...umm, how do you say it. A Detour...To Mississippi...because we missed our exit. Then after that we were on the straight and narrow. 10 hours or so later we arrived in OKC, kissed the ground we walked on, and then washed our lips because we kissed the ground...and that's nasty. And that 's pretty much the whole trip...More to come from Ben soon.

Starbucks, the Untold Stories... Part 4

*Editor's Note*

In January, 2006 the last "Starbucks, the Untold Stories" blog was posted. Even though I never told anyone what location I worked at, or the real names of any of my co-workers. I was sat down by my boss, who had a copy of all my blogs (yes, Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON face), and was told, quote, "If I wanted to continue to be employed by Starbucks I would delete the blogs immediately and post no further blogs of this nature". I was also told that my site would be watched by corporate for the next month. Just to make sure I was complying... Just a little sketchy huh? Oh the price we pay for art.
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Well hello again. After the long and painful wait…of waiting. A new Starbucks blog dealio has been created for you, the public!…or private…(I guess that would depend on where you are sitting and/or standing when you read this…) *Ahem*…Anyways, this time around it’s all about the stories…of the customers…and the co-workers… and co-workers that happen to be in the stories with the customers. Like in the first three parts of this blog saga, be prepared to read about stuff…crazy stuff. Stuff that you thought only happened at IHOP at 2am in the morning… (you hear *gasps* in the background) And the craziest part is…they’re all true...I promise. So… sit back, take off your shoes (if you’re wearing shoes)… and be prepared to chuckle… to yourself…moderately. As before the disclaimer below is there to protect the identities of the dumb, dimwitted, and the down right stupid…Not to mention the smart, nice, and really, really good looking cool people… so read it. And without further ado I present to you, “Starbucks, the untold stories…Part 4”

DISCLAIMER

The following customers and co-workers identities in the following stories below have been changed to pretty much keep Ben from getting fired, and to keep from hurting the feelings of his fellow co-workers should they find this material offense, and know it’s about them… But if that’s not good enough for you…The following names below have been changed to protect the people we loosely call customers, and the people I call co-worker, friend, and bip. (Bip: A French word meaning roughly good…j/k)

Man of Action?

Now I haven’t quite figured out why, but I have found that people persist on being in a big fat hurry where ever they’re going… It doesn’t matter if they’re on their way to work, on their way to school, on their way to prison…they’re in a hurry, and they want their drink yesterday! Oh, and they’ll make you aware of that fact too, “ Hey buddy! I’m on my way to work, could you speed it up a bit?! I’m running late!” Well, for one: two words. leave sooner… then you won’t be late. Second: umm…well, no… I can’t go faster. So…just sit in your car and… wait… patiently… because crapping at me will do you no good. Another one of my pet-peeves are the people that can’t wait two seconds for you to take their money…no, they have to put it on the little ledge thingy and roll up their window before you can talk to them, because you know all Starbucks employees have a certain decease that if you talk to them for two seconds or more your face will fall off, or you’ll catch “The Ugly”… Now, when customers try to pull such a deed on me I do not allow it to go on. I simply just look at the customer, then I look at the bill (like it has a decease) and wait for the customer to roll that BMW window down and talk to me. Usually I get some dirty looks but it works…But sometimes a bill will… well…shall I say, “spread it’s tiny wings and fly away”…I mean what did they except? It’s Oklahoma, there’s wind. Now if they ask me, I will go around and retrieve their poor wind blown bill, but if they don’t…I won’t.

So that brings us to the story at hand for the title “Man of Action?”… This particular event happened earlier in my career at Starbucks…I remember it well… It was a busy, sunny, weekday morning. I was running register in the drive-thru. The next person in line drove up to the window and pleasantly handed me his debit card…But I dropped it! I told him I would get it…but I didn’t have time to run all the way around the building…that would have taken too much time! And I couldn’t let him get it, I mean after all it was my fault it happened! So, without much thinking I did the only thing I saw fit to do… dive… out the window. With my top half near the pavement, and my bottom half still in the window I tried with great passion to reach the card I had dropped…finally I reached the card! Just one thing, the sharpie that was on my apron fell off…farther under the car then the card did…I reached, and reached and finally got it!…I felt myself slipping. I turned around to find out not only am I half way under the guy’s car…but that I’m more then 80% out of the window. I tried to push myself back up, but it was no use…I was stuck. I tried calling for someone to hoist me back up, but obviously not anyone had noticed an entire employee not in the building anymore. After seconds, that seemed like minutes… the guy in the car called out to the Gentle Giant saying, “Man over board! Man over board!” …no joke. The Gentle Giant then hoisted me back up and all was well again in the realm of Starbucks. Well, except for the fact that everyone was laughing at the mental picture of me hanging out of the drive-thru window during the rush-hour rush…Oh well, what can you do, right?

The Man with the Iced Venti Americano

Like I stated in the aforementioned story above, people are in a hurry… no matter what time it is, no matter what day it is…And this goes for the café too. Not as often as the drive-thru, but believe me their there. As such, a Starbucks employee gets used to the demands of the hurrying customer; and tries to get them on their way as quickly as they can. With that said let us dive in to our story.

It was one slower afternoon…I was running the bar in the café when a gentleman entered the premise in a flurry of hastiness! He came quickly up to the counter and ordered an, “Iced Venti Americano, to go!”… So I made his drink as speedily as I could and handed it to him. Now usually when a person comes in, in that big of hurry they b-line it for the door as soon as they receive their beverage. But for some strange reason after he received his dink he made no effort to go. Instead, he moseyed on by the coffee beans rack and started looking at the whole bean coffee…Now I don’t have a problem with people looking at the whole bean coffee, but when you come in as fast as he did and tell me, “I want a Iced Venti Americano, to go!” something isn’t right in the state of Denmark…

So, real incognito like I watched the guy while I pretended to be making a drink…I kept this up for several seconds while the man conspicuously browsed the coffee…He then looked left, then right, then left again...Then all of a sudden…He grabbed an arm full of whole bean coffee and sprinted toward the door! Without thinking I bolted after him! I thought about leaping over the counter, but that thought didn’t go very far, so I ran as fast as I could around the counter toward the front door! In mid dash I passed by the Assistant Store Manager…she was giving me a very strange look, probably due to the fact that I was running like a mad man…So as I passed by I said, “I’m chasing a shoplifter!” and bolted passed. As I made it outside… it turns out The Coffee Master was right behind me in my pursuit, and dashed through the front door a couple of seconds after me…I looked to the left, then to the right…I had lost him. The Coffee Master said, “You go right, I’ll go left.”…so I did…because he’s The Coffee Master… and you do what The Coffee Master says, dang it. I looked to the right but there was no sign of him.

A few moments later The Coffee Master came back holding the would-be stolen coffee. Now, I’d like to tell you that there was a big fight and The Coffee Master was forced to break into some sweet Matrixy kung-fu action…but sadly that wasn’t the case...the truth is, he found the guy in his SUV, walked up to him and said, “Excuse me sir, do you happen to have a receipt I could look at for that coffee over on the passenger seat?” The guy then replied, “Oh… I must of forgotten to pay for those. You can take them.” I’m sure The Coffee Master wanted to say…Oh, gee thanks, that’s real nice of you… since it’s our coffee, jerk face!...but he didn’t. After the ordeal was all said and done, both The Coffee Master and I wondered if it was really worth the risk we took to retrieve the 3 lbs of whole bean coffee…After thinking about it for a few moments we both looked at each other and almost instantaneously come to the same conclusion…Nope, wasn’t worth it.

The Money’s Always Realer…

Now to all those who are reading this…I don’t know where you work at (or if you even work at all)… But it has been my experience that when a customer gives you a $20 bill or higher, and you check it to make sure it’s real; they are almost insulted at the very thought of you thinking that they might be a crook…but hey, I have to do my job right? right. So get over it…because we all know that people who drive nice cars can be crooks too! Ya, that’s right buddy... That brings us to the story at hand.

Now, I receive what feels like a trillion bills of tender on any-givin’ typical day on register…especially when I’m on drive-thru. As such, one gets well acquainted with his, well…money. You know… the look, the feel… of cotton-- I mean cash…*Ahem*… Anyway, one normal day (and I dare you to define “normal”) while I was doing drive-thru, a man drove up and politely paid for his drink with a $20 bill…Now, there’s nothing unusual about a man paying for his drink with a $20 bill… So I took the bill, but it felt a bit strange. I looked down to notice that it was an older $20 bill…I held it up to the light to look for the security thread that is placed in the bill…but there was one little snafu…it wasn’t there! The bill was a counterfeit! So, I broke the news to the man as politely as I could…To my surprise, like it was no big deal, he said “What? Really? You’re kidding?”. I said, “No sir, I’m not kidding…see, (I showed him the bill) no security thread…” He then reached into his wallet and pulled out another $20 bill, and said, “I wonder if this one fake too?” and then handed it to me…I mean come on, for the love of doughnuts…you can’t check it yourself? Anyway, I took the bill and held it up to the light… it too was indeed counterfeit… He then replied (in the same tone as before), “wow, that’s crazy, I just got these from the bank.”.

Now, up until this point I truly believed that he was the victim of getting some counterfeit bills…but after that statement I just looked at him like, ok buddy what are you trying to pull?…sure you got those bills from a bank. I mean banks are always letting counterfeit bills slip right passed their security. Give me a break! Did he think I was born yesterday? Alright I’m done ranting, back to the story… Obviously after that statement I was a bit suspicious... Well, more then a bit… So I took the $20 bill and passed it around to everyone, let them see it, and pointed out why it was fake…then, like a dummy I gave it back to him!…why, you ask? Because…well…umm…I don’t really know...But anyway, he still needed to pay for his beverage…so, he pulls out a $100 bill, and before he could even possibly know it was real or counterfeit he stated, “Here, I know this one’s real.” I looked at it. It was indeed real…

Now I ask you, how in the world did he know that that bill was real without looking at it? ...unless he knew the other bills were fake? (some kind of bum, bum, bum music plays in the background)… Hmm, very interesting wouldn’t you say?…So finally the drink came out and the man, driving a rather nice car, left… I decided it would be a good idea to get the license plate number…So as he left I looked at the plate…The guy had personal license plate… Now I don’t know why it surprised me, but it was “AMEN 1”…go figure. I should have known that it was some religious zealot...I’ll bet he’s one of those guys that beats up his dog then somehow says, that’s God will …what a jerkateer! Now some of you might be saying… Ben, you just gave us his license plate number…you can’t do that, that’s evidence… But I’m not giving away evidence, because you would have to say what state it was from, and I sure didn’t say what state it was from, OK!...gosh!

Starbucks, the Untold Stories... Part 3

*Editor's Note*

Looking back on these blogs it's hard to believe, but back in December, 2005 these, "Starbucks, the Untold Stories" blog dealios were the talk of a town... no really. So much buzz surrounded this blog in particular that random people started coming in to my store to see if they could guess which co-worker was who (From what I wrote in the blog). Little did I know at the time that this was the beginning of the end for the 'Starbucks' blog series. In fact, a couple of months later I would be forced to take them off the internet for "employee safety", but since it's 4 years later now, and no one from this post works there anymore I figure it's all good.

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Hello again everyone! That’s right after months of anticipation it’s finally here! Part 3 of the “Starbucks, the untold stories” blog dealio. As in part 2 it’s still all about the co-workers… that’s right more juicy gossip, unbelievable rumors, and… stuff like the first two things I said. So sit back, relax, pop a bag of popcorn and read…”Starbucks, the untold stories Part 3… The disclaimer below is there because if you do seem to recognize the people at Starbucks from this blog, you won’t know their real name, and if they read this they’ll be like, “Well, that’s not my name, so that must not be me”…. or so I hope.

DISCLAIMER

The names below have been changed to protect the dumb, dimwitted, and down right stupid….Not to mention the nice, smart, and really, really good looking cool people. Otherwise from the names being changed, the descriptions below are pretty darn accurate… Starbucks does not necessarily concur with the views or statements below….So don’t sue them…. And now, without further ado…The other co-workers.

Smart Guy Face

First, we'll talk about Smart Guy Face, we'll call him that because he looks pretty smart with his glasses…on his face… heck, I’ll bet he really is smart...Anyway, Smart Guy Face, as well as a few others started the same day as I did. He’s one of those guys that if you called him nasty names, insulted his dog, called him…more nasty names…he’s never going to get mad. He’ll just look at you like he looks at people that do that kind of stuff to him… and by the face that he’s giving you, you know you’ve done wrong…The thing with him though is, almost nobody knows how old he is…(Twilight Zone music plays) It’s like a huge mystery that most of the co-workers can’t get out of him. He looks about 23 or 24, but rumors fly about him possibly being as old as 30….I know how old he is, but I’m sure not going to be the one who breaks this bubble…Oh the scandals of Starbucks…Other then that he’s a stand up guy, because he’s sure not sitting….Ok, ok, I know cheesy…what I meant was there’s no dirt on him….Ohh, you know what I mean.

Mood Ring Girl

Ok, next is Mood Ring Girl, we’ll call her that because her moods are like the Oklahoma weather, if you don’t like the one she’s in… wait fifteen minutes it will change. Working with Mood Ring Girl (who also started the same day as I did) can be somewhat of an adventure sometimes… Though she’s nice most of the time, in the midst of rushes sometimes she can get a bit….well…moody (go figure). Also, until recently I was a nerd to her…How do I know this? Because she told me, “You’re such a nerd!” It doesn’t get too much clearer than that…What changed this cynical view of me you ask? Me… doing the robot…yep…seriously…I kid you not. And to think, I thought I was pushing myself off the edge of nerd-dome… So now what am I to her? A cool nerd! ya, baby! I’ve upgraded…Well, that will do it for Mood Ring Girl…

Short Cuppin’ Cakes

Alrighty then, moving right along…Next is Short Cuppin’ Cakes, we’ll call her that because (a) she’s short (b) she’s pretty sweet…like a cup cake…or whatever. Ok, so Short Cuppin’ Cakes is put on the “bar” frequently, why we’re not quite sure …We think the boss needs a good laugh so he puts her there…why is it funny? Because she is shorter than most everyone else there, and it’s hard for her to reach certain things…So, well she’s trying to put the beans in the machine she’s like on her tip toes…You’re like, “don’t lose your balance”…I know that‘s mean… She should take some ballet classes…heck, thanks to this job she could probably start at an advanced level…Other then that she really just wants to be at home with her husband…and I can respect that.

The Gentle Giant

Next on the agenda is The Gentle Giant, we’ll call him that because he’s like 6’5”, big (muscular, not fat), and he’s not mean. (which is a good thing) One thing’s for sure though…he can cook….on the bar! (making coffee drinks, not like chicken or steak) I would say he’s the 2^nd fastest bar in all of the Midwest Region Starbucks, in the central part of the Oklahoma City area, Across from hospitals. Yep, not bad at all… And no, for all those of you wondering… I am not number one…don’t cry… Sadly The Gentle Giant will be leaving us soon, leaving a tremendous vacancy at our Starbucks…Get it? He’s the Gentle “Giant” and he’s going to leave a tremendous vacancy?....Oh, forget it.

Drama King

Ok, next we come to the Drama King. I call him that because he’s an actor, and at times he’s just a plain drama king…To understand Drama King, we first have to know the Drama King… First off, it seems he never gets to do café; they stick him in the drive-thru every time to fend for himself…why they do this is beyond me because he doesn’t really like doing drive-thru…or the people that come through it…of course he doesn’t really like a lot of things about Starbucks, as he will let you know… At times there are crazy drive thru-ers which he just can’t handle…(which would be about one out of every three customers for him) In which he doesn’t handle in the best way… Let me tell you, you do one thing that he thinks is not…kosher…then he’ll just give you the finger as you leave…or maybe utter a nasty phrase or word at you…most of which you will never know, but for me and the other co-workers watching him it can be at times funny, and at other times…well…not-so-funny. He’s just the kind of guy you have to take with a grain of salt…

The Nice Guy

Okie-dokie next is The Nice Guy. Why do I call him The Nice Guy you ask? Because he’s the guy your mom would probably let you go out with (if you’re a girl that is, if you’re a guy…he doesn’t swing that way). He not the best at what he does, but then again…he’s not the worst…So I guess you could say that The Nice Guy is your nice and average Starbucks partner… But there is a quality he has that sets him apart from the others…what is this quality you ask? (yes, I know I assume you people ask a lot of questions, but whatever…) Well… he taught me the fine art of killing flies with a rubber band of course! How do you do it you ask? Well, you take a rubber band and--…well you--…well, it’s hard to explain…but I can tell you it’s a great pass-time! In fact I think they should add it to the Summer Olympics, but that’s just me…

Miss Lazy Pants

Alright, Miss Lazy Pants is next. Why do I call her Miss Lazy Pants… I think you can figure this one out by yourself…Now don’t get me wrong, I think she is a nice person and all, but she has the fine (or not-so-fine) art of looking like she’s working, but she’s really not doing a dag-blasted thing down to a science… What I find rather amusing is the fact that she really can’t figure out why she hasn’t been promoted…umm…gee, could it be that the boss sees you almost sleeping when you think he’s not looking? Naw…couldn’t be…although I will say, if I were the one that did what she did even for two and a half seconds, he’d be like, “FOCUS, BEN RICHARDSON!!” and not only would I not ever get promoted, I’d be fired or something…oh well, in the words of Jim Carry, “that’s the way the cookie crumbles“

Boss Lady

Moving right along, we go on to Boss Lady. I call her that because as you can probably guess…she my boss…well, one of them. (it’s tough being the low man on the totem pole) What’s to say about Boss Lady? Well, in one sense she could have been called Mood Ring Girl 2, but then you have to think about her situation…She has to work right under the “Big Boss” of the store, “Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON! Man” (which is enough to drive almost any sane person into insanity I’m sure), throw in some incompetent employees, working with, “Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON! Man”, throw in the Christmas rush, a par-trish and a pear tree, and of course “Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON! Man” and I think I’d be moody too. She really is a nice lady, I just think she under a lot of stress…and I don’t think working under “Mr. FOCUS BEN RICHARDSON! Man” helps any either…

The Coffee Master

Next we come to The Coffee Master. I call him The Coffee Master because he is omnipotent in all things coffee. I first met The Coffee Master in training, and was blown away be the speed in which he can make drinks…And yes, for those of you wondering he is the fastest bar in all of the Midwest Region Starbucks, in the central part of the Oklahoma City area, Across from hospitals… I feel as if he’s the “Yoda”, if you will, of our Starbucks and if you listen to him you will become stronger with the force— I mean faster on the bar. Not to mention he’s just an all around cool guy…except for the occasional “good games” he gives...which is a pat on the booty.... (which of course I do not have…) so there’s that rather awkward moment where we look at each other…then we’re both like…ok, whatever…and go on with our lives.

Singing Barista Face

Ok, so now we come to Singing Barista Face. Why do I call him that? Well for starters he has a face, he’s a barista, and he sings. Not well mind you… but it’s the amount of passion in which he sings that captivates the heart and soul of the Starbucks cliental…not to mention the humor. When the unsuspecting customers of the drive-thru hear these notes of passion…. Some laugh, some cry, and some say, “don’t quit your day job” (In which to this he turns to me and says, “This is my day job.”). Still others ignore the fact he sang at all… “Ya, gimmie one of those large…mo-cha lattes”…dolts. More like we’ll give you a swift kick in the…umm...pants, crapface. How can they be such heartless souls anyway? What if he was one of those sensitive guys that got hurt easily? What if he did something tragic?! All I have to say they’d feel pretty bad…well, maybe not ordering like that…”large mo-cha latte”…dolts. And for those of you who think that his melodies of joyousness end in the drive thru… they don’t. If you come in and he’s in the café, you will indeed be serenaded…with notes… of song… and wittiness. Anyway you look at it, you gotta say Singing Barista Face is one happy peppy person…well, on we go!

Mr. Laid Back

Alright, next we come to an individual that gives new meaning to the word patience. Mr. Laid Back. Why do I call him that exactly? Well…I don’t think it’s possible to make him mad….that would be a good reason eh? But you say give me an example…alright…”Hey, Mr. Laid Back we’re out of this…” He’s response, “It’s all good, man”. “Hey Mr. Laid Back so-and-so says they can’t make it to work tonight”. He’s response, “Hmm, alright... cool” Sometimes you just want to test him…you know like saying… “I won the lottery last night, and I’m giving you all the money!” He’s response of course would be… “Cool”. In fact I’d say fifty percent of his vocabulary is the words “cool” and “man”… And on top of that it’s very rare to hear a sentence longer than like five words…Somehow I picture him fitting in the1960’s very well…”Want some drugs man?”…”Cool.” j/k. No, but really he’s a cool cat bro--… Oops, looks like it’s pretty catchy…

The Sweet One

So next on my list comes The Sweet One…So why would I call her The Sweet One? Well, she’s one of those girls that if you wanted to be mad at her you just couldn’t. She’s always ending her sentences with please and thank you, and…stuff…that sounds like…well…please and thank you…*ahem*. So what on earth could I write on about her you may (or may not) ask? Well…let’s just say you can usually can tell when The Sweet One is on bar…not because people are mad and giving us the bird (which does happen), not because drinks are getting made slow (this indeed happens too), and certainly not because she has two left feet!…j/k (ok, so the last statement was not totally actuate). So how do you tell, you ask? Her steam wand! It’s a mess! Crusted over with between 160-180 degree milk that looks, and probably tastes like a booger straight from your nose….except they're a little whiter...and…possibly more crusty. Scary thought eh? So what did I do you say to save you, the public, from this horrible crusty, booger tasting milk problem? Well, I gave her such a hard time about her lack of clean steam wanding habits that now one of two things happen when I work with her…One: she keeps her steam wand clean and the peasants rejoice …or, Two: I clean her steam wand for her and the peasants rejoice…So either way you look at it you win…well…get your drink…that you paid for…without crusties… whatever.

Buff Guy Face

Ok, here we come to one of my favorite people to work with… Buff Guy Face. Why do I call him that you ask? ….Well, as you might be able to guess, it’s because of the fact that he’s huge! Walking though doors sideways…ripping phonebooks with his…muscular muscles...ok, well… you get the picture…Anyways, in the rather slow afternoons of Starbucks he is better known as my partner in crime…As to this I mean, he aids me in my mischievous acts of the afternoon. Let me elaborate…As you, the unsuspecting, fun hating—I mean loving, frappuccino drinking customer come though the drive-thru to make an order…you might not hear exactly what you might be expecting to hear… For sometimes I answer as an automated computer voice like you might hear when you’re on the phone with Sprint, saying, “For the love of God, let me talk to a real human!”…yes, that’s how I answer…well, sometimes. Now I know what you’re thinking….You would be able to tell the difference between a computer and a human…but that’s where you are wrong. The fact is, we have it down to an art…First, I take the order like a computer, most of the time the person really thinks it’s a computer, but can’t believe it…”That’s amazing!” some say…the other percent of the time is where he helps me…When they pull up to the window…Buff Guy Face: “How do you like our new automated order taking drive-thru?” Customer: “Wow, you mean that really was a computer?! I’m telling you technology is getting too advanced… one day it’s going to replace us, you know.” To which we tell them that it was me all along…and they leave…not happy…because they were fooled…by a Starbucks person, and that’s not cool. By the way that customer really said that "technology" line.

Mr. Artistic

Ok, next we are lead to Mr. Artistic. I call him that because most of the awesome drawings in the store are done by him, with the exception of the stuff that sucks….that’s me. One thing you might notice about Mr. Artistic is that he gets this blank look upon his face, often. I like to call this look, “Drummer face” why, because to me it looks like the face most drummers get when they’re really intensely playing drums…Another thing about Mr. Artistic is that sometimes he tries to act black…you wouldn’t know it from just looking at him, but the man has the riming skills of a …well…a white man… a white man that can’t rap. But that’s what makes it fun. Picture this, a man, a artistic man…rapping…you’d laugh too... aright so, over and out.

2^nd String Singing Barista Face

Next on the list is 2^nd String Singing Barista Face. Why do I call him that…well, because to the surprise of most at our Starbucks, he too sings to the public…To be quite honest I’m not sure if he’s copying Singing Barista Face, or doing what he thinks is original….sometimes when I work with him it feels like he’s one of those new superheroes, in the sense that it feels like he’s got talent at Starbucks (not in singing), but he doesn’t know how to control his “power” if you will….example one: Don’t sing what feels like two verses of song when we have a line of cars to the main road…I’m mean I’m a fun lovin’ guy and all, but come on work with me a little…example two: If you’re trying to score points with the Oklahoma Starbucks customers don’t sing a song that’s all about Texas!...what this will get you is…beat up, your head flushed down a toilet, and your dog thrown to the bottom of the river… But really folks, he’s a nice guy, and pretty ok on the bar…so go easy on him.

The Transfer

Alrighty then, next is The Transfer…Now if I have to tell you why I call her that, I’m going to have to just…tell you, I guess. Well, she transferred from another location, so I call her The Transfer…there, are you happy?! At first we didn’t quite know what to make of The Transfer…but to approval of everyone she learned quickly, and does her job well. She, like Short Cuppin’ Cakes, is really quite short….The difference between her (The Transfer) and Short Cuppin’ Cake’s is…while Short Cuppin’ Cakes might take your crap, and heckling or what-not… The Transfer will look at you like, “Just keep it up buddy, I dare you...” And looks like she could light you up… like… a Christmas tree…on the forth of July… I think the short, boney little women must have some Italian in her…well, that or a wicked right hook, either way I’m not going to push her too far and find out… One thing is for sure though…she pulls her weight…she was sick the other day. and thus called in sick…go figure… it took us all day to catch up from her not being there…of course if it was Crapface that called in sick I don’t think we’d notice much of a change…I can see it now, “Hmm…is it warmer in here? Or is it just that the cold, dark, bitter personality of Crapface isn’t here?”

Miss Spunky Pants

The next fellow is a fireball, believe you me. That’s why I call her Miss Spunky Pants. She has so much soul, that if you could bottle it, people would only have to buy Campbell’s soup to warm their heart…because the soul would be fine…not to mention if you could bottle it you would probably have made a pretty good bomb. The thing is with Miss Spunky Pants is that she is usually so dossal that you wouldn’t think under that hat she usually wears that there’s a crazy ball of fire lurking beneath. It’s true…I think her real job is Bat-Women! How else could you explain the reason she can’t work nights. The fact that when she gives you “the look” you believe she really could kick your butt. And last the reason, the fact that I saw her per-roo-sing around town in the bat-mobile! Ok, ok, so maybe the last statement isn’t completely accurate…but I still wouldn’t be surprised if she really was Bat-Women.

Miss Sarcastic Face

Next we are brought to Miss Sarcastic Face…gee, I wonder why I would call her that??? could it be she’s very sarcastic? No way!... As you can see, she has a catchy type of personally. The thing with her is, you can never tell when she’s serious or not…which sometimes can get a Ben in trouble…One moment we’re joking around and having what I think is a fun time…and the next moment she’s all like I’m not joking, go clean the bathrooms… I mean dag yo, now that’s cold. I can picture it now… she gets married…she’s all “lovey-dovey” and the next thing the guy knows is he’s sleeping on the couch...for not saying thank you with a British accent while watching reruns of Family Guy on the fourth Tuesday in July, or something stupid like that…To add insult to injury (so to speak) she doesn’t like the way I do drive-thru…don’t do this, don’t do that. Gee, I’m sorry I don’t live up to your qualifying qualifications for the Starbucks quality drive-thru…Also, she has haled herself the “your momma joke queen” and if your momma joke isn’t up to her “par”…she’ll just look at you and say, "that was stupid"…no joke. Hmm…the only outcomes I’ve come to are, maybe she has forgotten how to feel, maybe she’s never had a guy, maybe she’s got a stick stuck up her…umm…nose. I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s one of those… But in the end it’s only going to hurt her…so to end this properly…This is for you Miss Sarcastic Face…Your momma sooo fat, she had to hale a dump truck instead of a taxi! …lol...gets me everytime.